Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Rain, Rain, Go Away, It’s Supposed to be Summer! — June 1, 2018

Rain, Rain, Go Away, It’s Supposed to be Summer!

It is probably no surprise that I am writing about the weather again, as I have done here but this torrential rain that we are having at the moment is rather getting on my nerves!

I know I am obsessed with the weather

But really it can be such a pain

One minute it’s so hot and stifling

The next it is lashing with rain.

The sky can change in an instant

From a beautiful and calming deep blue

To an angry dark looking monster

Belching out thunder and lightning bolts too!

Ear-splitting, eye-popping drama

A month’s worth of rain in one day

Floods causing chaos and destruction

It’s about time the rain went away!

It causes me quite a dilemma

As I want to be suitably dressed

If I’m attired in a summery outfit

And get soaked I won’t be impressed!

Hot, Sleepless Nights — May 29, 2018

Hot, Sleepless Nights

You know I am always moaning about the British weather? I wrote this about one of the things in particular that drives me crazy when the weather is so unpredictable, one minute roasting hot, the next freezing cold!

The weather was so hot and sticky

It was disturbing my precious night’s sleep

I spent all night with the fan on

Duvet on the floor in a heap!

I decided it was time to take action

And packed the heavy duvet away

In its place, a thin bedspread

I’m bound to be cooler this way.

The first few nights it was lovely

I didn’t have to keep mopping my brow

Between the fan and the bedspread

I slept so much easier now

The weather started to get cooler

The heat wave had burned itself out

The bedspread  pulled up into service

In the night when I fumbled about.

I still felt hot and sweaty

The next night when I fell into bed

Old Grump was cocooned in the bedspread

And all I could see was his head!

I still had to have the fan on

Enjoying the delicate breeze

But in the dead of night, I was awoken

My body had started to freeze!

I tried to grab some of the bed spread

But greedy Grump slept like a log

I was now bloody frozen

And tried to cuddle up with the dog!

She wasn’t having any of it

And scampered off down the bed

This called for desperate measures

I tried to snuggle the Grumpster instead!

The next night I had already decided

The duvet was back in its place

With this weather so temperamental

It is always there just in case!

#SoCS Hot and Cold — October 29, 2017

#SoCS Hot and Cold

This week Linda has given us hot and cold to use as prompt words for our Stream of Consciousness posts. We get bonus points if we start and finish with one or the other of them.

Hot and cold. That’s how I have been feeling today. This morning it was a little chilly and I had the first appointment at the gym for an assessment. I put on my ‘workout gear’ with a hoodie over the top to keep off the chill. It has been a long time since I have set foot in a gym and I wasn’t sure what I should take, so I packed a bag with the essentials I thought I would need. It ended up being quite heavy but Mr Grump was going to drop me off whilst he did a few bits.

Our sports centre had rather a long and twisty ramp that goes up to it and I was pretty puffed out when I got to the top, plus the weather seemed to have warmed up considerably. Hmmm, that is half a workout just getting into the building!

I met with the very pleasant lady who asked me a few questions about my lifestyle and then weighed me on the special scales that tell you your percentage of body fat, as well as how hydrated you are. I was out on both counts, fat too high water too low, no surprise there, I was bloody thirsty.

Anyway, after my blood pressure was taken (a bit on the high side), my next appointment was booked. I did not even set foot in the gym! The instructor had admired my trainers which she thought were new. I sheepishly admitted that they were in fact over a year old but had not been worn much.

I felt such a clown turning up with my brand new gym clothes (I rushed out yesterday in a panic to buy them as I had nothing suitable to wear), pristine looking trainers and rather large (new and unused) gym bag that Mr Grump had dragged out of the loft for me.

I trotted off with my heavy bag and phoned Grump to pick me up. Meanwhile, I waited for him in the sunshine. I felt a bit conspicuous hanging around, and the sun was boiling, beating down on my head. I didn’t take the hoodie off though as I do not look my best in tight-fitting lycra and it covered me up a bit. So I stood there and sweated, and sweated.

As soon as I got home, I got changed into something cool and comfy as I planned to get down to some studying. Within half an hour the sun had gone down at the back of the house and I felt chilly. On goes the fleece and even the slippers. Then I get all hot and het up trying to cram too much information in my brain. Off goes the fleece and slippers.

And so it went on, hot and cold, hot and cold!

SoCS Hot and Cold

TJ’s Household Haiku Challenge – Tap — January 9, 2016
Episode 497: Tuesday Tidbit: Sexting (18+) — September 15, 2015

Episode 497: Tuesday Tidbit: Sexting (18+)

I’m not very good at this sexting

Just not cut out for it at all

For a start I write everything longhand

It would be quicker just to give me a call!

When asked “what are you wearing?”

I reply, “How kind of you to ask”

Just my scruffy old leggings

Instead of a sexy black basque.

I know I need to talk dirty

To get my man in the mood

But my parents’ strict upbringing

Has taught me those words are too rude!

The texts I’m receiving get hotter

Oh Christ, think of something to say

“Yes. I’m massaging my boobs as you asked me

And by the way, how is your day?”

Oh, that’s it. I’m rubbish at this game

I think I just might push my luck

And cut straight to the action

And ask if he fancies a …

Nope! Still can’t do it!

Episode 496: Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt #62: ‘Start’ and ‘Hot’ — September 14, 2015

Episode 496: Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt #62: ‘Start’ and ‘Hot’

I was going to go in a totally different direction with the prompt words this week for Ronovan’s weekly Haiku Challenge (you can probably guess from the words rahter than the picture)!

I settled on this instead though!

When eating curry

Take your time, start off slowly,

Things will soon get HOT!!

Crab curry

Episode 493: The Death of Summer Haiku — September 12, 2015

Episode 493: The Death of Summer Haiku

Yesterday was such a beautiful day. I went to a friend’s wedding with my sister.It was warm and sunny and we decided to get a few photos out in her garden before we went. Today after a bit of rain, it did clear up a bit, but as you can see from my garden photos, the sunflower is dead now. We are still getting visits from Tubs and his Mrs (they are perched on top of the fence) for now, but summer is fading away.

Last days of summer

final gasp of heat and warmth…

hard to say goodbye.

Summer Haiku

Episode 411: Nice Sales Pitch! — July 11, 2015

Episode 411: Nice Sales Pitch!

As some of you may know, we are in the midst of a heat wave at the moment here in the UK, and of course some of us are suffering due to the heat, which quite frankly we are not used to.

I am not going to moan about the weather this time, just tell you a couple of funny stories. The first one was on Thursday afternoon. I came home from work and Mr Grump was out, he had finished a little before me and my sister and niece had phoned him up to see if he wanted to join them at a local pub for a pint.

Never one to miss such an opportunity, he jumped at the chance. After all, a nice refreshing beer in this heat is rather welcome. The pub is recently under new management and they are doing their best to encourage some more punters in, offering SKY Sports TV, showing all the football, and a new menu .However, their biggest boast was the fact that they are ‘doing their bit for the regulars in this heat wave by watering down the beer!’

I was working today and as I have mentioned it is stifling hot up on the ward, and everyone moans about it (we are allowed to go tightless now though). Relatives are hot and flustered, and staff are dripping with sweat (literally) and florid of face!

The only people who do not complain are the patients who relish the heat. Having said that, it was so hot up there today we actually had the windows open and none of the patients asked us to close them.

Around 10 o’clock whilst we are still trying to carry out our morning washes on the patients, (we have all got gloves & aprons on). we hear the dreaded sound of ‘ne-ner-ne-ner STAGE 1 ALERT.’ Oh no, not the bloody fire alarm! This means that there could be a fire on the same floor but not necessarily near our ward. It does mean however that we have to go around and shut every window and door as a precaution!

To say that was rather a fraught half hour until we were told to ‘STAND DOWN’ would be rather an understatement!

Episode 401: Sweating it Out! — July 2, 2015

Episode 401: Sweating it Out!

Well, I knew it wouldn’t last. I can’t stop myself (I think it is too far embedded into my genes), I am going to have to moan about the weather! Yes, I should be grateful that we have seen quite a bit of sunshine, and that it is lovely and hot. The problem is, we are not used to it!

Yesterday was the hottest day of the year so far here in good old England, but luckily I didn’t have to work so could wear what I wanted and also do what I wanted. Last night, however, the temperature did not decrease by much and it was stifling hot and muggy. I ended up trying to sleep with the fan whirring on full blast and an ice pack!  Bearing in mind, I am also at ‘that age’ when ladies get a little more flushed at certain times! I thought I was going to spontaneously combust!

This morning dawns another hot day, but cooler as it was only 28 Celsius (about 82 Fahrenheit). I reluctantly donned my thick cotton uniform and tights, plus clumpy shoes and bloody stupid belt to go to work.

As I walked onto the ward the heat hit me like a slap in the face! Great, putting on latex gloves and plastic aprons is going to make a lovely addition to my already boiled body (thank God the patients allowed us to open the windows so we could let a bit of (hot) air in!

Luckily for me I had to go off the ward for my annual top up resus training, in a room with air conditioning! Bliss! Well it was for 5 minutes until we had to pummel the dummy back to life with frantic CPR. Pretty exhausting stuff.

Anyway, I hot-foot it back to the ward for another face smacking dose of heat, only to discover the boss wants to take some photos as we all have to have our pictures up on the board outside the ward (presumably to terrify those not too ill to care)! At first I was a bit put out as I thought it would be better off being taken first thing in the morning but in this heat it makes no difference anyway.

So imagine this, a relative comes to see their poorly elderly relative, decides to have a look at which staff may happen to be looking after them, and sees my picture. Ruddy faced, ghastly grimace (we were told to smile) hair plastered to the head, and sweat dripping. Professional is not the word!

You’d run a bloody mile, talking your relative with you!

Episode 398: Tuesday Tidbit: Sex On The Beach! 18+ — June 30, 2015

Episode 398: Tuesday Tidbit: Sex On The Beach! 18+

A scorching hot summer, a handsome young couple

Their bodies glisten with sweat

Hair slicked back, damp from the sea

This beach is where they first met

She lies on her towel enjoying the sunshine

And gives a contented little sigh

He pours out some sunscreen into his hand

And starts smoothing it into her thigh

His circular movements get higher and higher

She is starting to react to his touch

As his hands start to wander

All over her body

She knows that she wants him so much.

He can stand it no longer, his passion is rising

He leads her by the hand to the sea

The cool of the water, does not cool their ardour

And they kiss more and more passionately

They have no one around them, and need to get closer

Each other’s bodies they crave

He removes her bikini and plunges inside her

As they rock to and fro with the waves.

Moaning with pleasure, they climb higher and higher

Until the apex they reach

Then sated and happy they return to the bar

And order A ‘Sex on the Beach!’

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