Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 392: 7 Not So Good Things About The Summer! — June 25, 2015

Episode 392: 7 Not So Good Things About The Summer!

  1. Flies and wasps! These little sods get everywhere and anywhere buzzing about, dropping into drinks and dive bombing food, if you are not careful.
  2. Curdled milk. What is it with people (especially at work of all places), leaving milk out of the fridge so that it goes like cheese after a little while!
  3. Neighbours who think they are bloody Bruno Mars! Honestly with the windows and doors open and the close proximity of all the houses where I live, every sound can be heard, so when Mr Mars next door starts wailing at the top of his out of tune voice, it is not a pleasant experience. I would love it if he could sing as it is far better than his shouting his head off that we normally get!
  4. White clothes. Now I love all my white outfits despite the fact that white is not always the best colour for the more voluptuous woman to wear. However, being as clumsy as I am, they are normally filthy within a couple of hours where I have at on something or knocked something onto myself!
  5. Sleepless nights. Yes I get enough of those as it is, without the stifling hot air that hangs heavy in my bedroom, despite all windows being open. Having the fan on does not always help as it makes such a bloody racket which is very distracting!
  6. Bad hair days. My hair has a mind of its own and does not want to conform to any sort of style, but in the summer I have one look only, the sweaty, plastered to the head kind of arrangement!
  7. Sand everywhere. I have always been a bit fussy about this, even as a child! I hated being covered in clumps of sand after getting out of the sea, where it had stuck to me. I never wanted to eat the picnics Mum got out of the cool box as inevitably sand would have got into the sandwiches! That CRUNCH as I bit into it made me feel

What annoys you about the summer?

Episode 360: If You Can’t Stand The Heat…. — June 5, 2015

Episode 360: If You Can’t Stand The Heat….

I mentioned before that us Brits like to moan about the weather and are never satisfied! Summer started off as a bit of a damp squib, but today was a balmy 25 degrees Celsius, (around 77 Fahrenheit) and we had a couple of thunderstorms chucked in to mix it up a bit. so it all amounted to a very humid and muggy day with bursts of beautiful hot sunshine

A couple of weeks ago my boss sent my to the laundry as one of the pens had leaked in my dress pocket leaving an unsightly small black blob over my left boob, and she wanted me to go and get it changed. I didn’t dare tell her that the stain on that dress was pretty old and the mess I had made on my dress the day before was much worse. Instead of leaving the ink stain alone (it was one of the gel pens) I decided to rub at it with an antibacterial wipe, thereby spreading this huge black mass over my entire boob!

I went to the laundry and sweet-talked the assistant into letting me have the one dress that was there (not many people wear the same uniform as me) and she put in an order for 3 more which would take a few days to arrive.

That was fine. I dropped off the other dresses the next day and was off last week anyway. I went back to collect my new dresses on Tuesday but was met by a very sour assistant who was not happy that I had managed to swap all my dresses, and moaned that her colleague ‘had only been there 5 mins and didn’t know what she was doing!’ Anyway, she gleefully told me that mine hadn’t arrived and they didn’t have any in my size (which she decided to say out loud).

Great, that left me with one dress. I went back again after a while. still not in. I wore the dress in yesterday and although I did manage to get it washed, was too lazy to iron it this morning so wore my tunic and trousers. It was unbearably hot up on that ward today. Most of us had sweat literally dropping off us (what a shame that fat doesn’t melt off in the heat). I wished I had ironed that dress!

The nice assistant from the laundry phoned me up to let me know that my dresses will not be ready until 17th JULY, for Christ’s sake! When I got home I had a lovely heat rash around my ankle just above my socks. Nice! Looks like that one dress is going to get a lot of wear over the next month and I am going to have to stop being too lazy to iron it I might even have to hope that the weather is grotty again!

Episode 338: Not A Positive Outcome! — May 21, 2015

Episode 338: Not A Positive Outcome!

I have read quite a few inspiring post lately about staying positive, focusing on all the good things rather than the negative. I am not too good at this but decided that it was time I turned things around and concentrated on the bright side of things.

Today was quite busy at work, and I was back to looking after my ladies again. It is a lovely day today and extremely hot and stuffy on the ward. Add to the mix a plastic apron and latex gloves (which are more often on than off) and it can get rather sweaty! (I should be a good couple of sizes smaller due to all the running around and sweating I do, but hey, I am not supposed to be negative)! Oh, and don’t forget to throw in the fact that my ladies get cold, so there are no windows open for longer than a nanosecond to let any air in either).

Anyway, a couple of ladies were upset due to an incident overnight, and I spent quite a lot of time talking to one of them to listen to her concerns, and give her some reassurance (Sister spoke to the other one). She seemed happy with what I had told her, and at the end of the conversation asked if it was ok if she could ask me a personal question. I of course, told her that it was, and she said,

“So when is your baby due?” Great! I have spent the last TWO MONTHS hula hooping trying to whittle myself a bloody waist, and that is what I get!  I was mortified (and so was she when I told her that I was not in fact pregnant). I am trying to find a positive to this, and the only thing I can come up with is at least she thinks I am still young enough to have a baby!

Blogging From A-Z Challenge: ‘V’ — April 25, 2015

Blogging From A-Z Challenge: ‘V’

We are romping onwards with the Blogging From A-Z Challenge  and have now found ourselves at the letter ‘V.’ This letter is very open, arms or even legs akimbo, either way, very friendly! It can also be very virtuous or perhaps even vile, or violent. There are several choices I could have gone with here, vajazzle being one of them, but i could not make enough of it, so perhaps another time, So instead I am going to for the rufty-tufty and oh so manly…………………

Virile. Now this is definitely my kind of word, as you might have guessed! It is red-blooded and randy, hot and horny, strong and sexy. Oh yes, this word is very masculine and macho, a kind of ‘sling you over the shoulder and carry you off for a bit of rumpy-pumpy’ kind of thing. It is fertile and flirty, ready for some love at any given moment, It energetic and exhausting.

Phew! I have got myself all of a tizzy now!

Episode 113: Nightwear Nightmare! !!! — January 19, 2015

Episode 113: Nightwear Nightmare! !!!

Now I’m a woman who likes to be comfy! I am guilty of getting into my pyjamas after work so that I feel more relaxed, not to mention unrestricted! (Especially after the inevitable large dinner). However it doesn’t mean that I want to live in them…..

There has been a huge rise in the popularity of the ‘Onesie.’ There are so many varieties too…the novelty ones, the cute ones, the fluffy animal ones…the list goes on. Some even have kind of little bootees attached to them, as well as a hood. All very nice I’m sure but how the hell do you sleep in them?! Surely it is liked being slowly cooked in your own juices. YUCK!

As well as not being very flattering to the less than perfect figure, many of them don’t have any openings, if you know what I mean! How are people supposed to go to the loo in the middle of the night, half asleep with a onesie on?! By the time you have wrestled with the fastenings,manoeuvred your arms out of the sleeves, and pulled the bloody thing down, not only are you wide awake in your bleary eyed stupor, but you have unintentionally dropped the sleeves down the toilet and peed on them! Of course you don’t notice this until you go to shove your arms back into the dripping sleeves! Nice!

Now the onesie is ideal for babies (we used to call them babygros or romper suits), They are cute and practical. Toddlers and young children look adorable in them and again, they are quite practical. Who thought it was a good idea to make adult sized ones, for Goodness sake? Yes, they are funny. Everyone likes to see their husband dressed like a large, fluffy bunny right? Or their wife, slouching about in a grubby, banana onesie? Yep, passion killers! Even if the mood takes you, it would be long gone before you managed to find your way out of them!

Lastly, (and this is my pet hate) Why would you want to go SHOPPING in one for Christ’s sake?! I have seen people shamelessly doing their weekly shop in their onesie. The other day in my local shop,a mother and daughter were parading their choice of onesie, and it was only about 2 o’clock in the afternoon!

Are people too lazy to get dressed? There have been times when I have been unable to motivate myself to get dressed, but I wouldn’t go out like it! I won’t even answer the door in my pyjamas. I am shocked by my sister who puts her washing out in her dressing gown!!! No way.I don’t want my neighbours mocking my night attire, and I CERTAINLY don’t want to see any of them in the jammies either.

Am I alone in my dislike of the adult onesie?!

Episode 46: Turning Full Circle….. — November 15, 2014

Episode 46: Turning Full Circle…..

Me and Mr Grump go back quite a long way (30 years to be precise)! We first met at a small Army Barracks where we were both stationed. I had literally just got out of  basic training and was still quite a shy and quiet 18-year-old (One of the reasons I joined the Army was to ‘come out of my shell’ a bit). He was a cocky and confident 21-year-old Army chef (definitely a good start there, he loves to cook, I love to eat)!

Anyway, I didn’t pay that much attention to him at first, preferring to concentrate on the food he was dishing up. I had not been on the camp that long, and it was still a bit of an ordeal for me going into the cookhouse as it was always packed, and I didn’t know many people yet; however, if I wanted to eat I had to go in…simple!

I had made a  couple of friends in basic training who had gone before me to this posting, and I ended up sharing a room with one of them,who went on to become my best friend (we are still in contact today) Karen, (this friend) and I decided to take advantage of the private strip of beach that we had on this camp, and headed off for a paddle in the sea.

We ended up going for a proper swim as it was a gorgeous, hot day, we had a little time to kill, and wanted to make the most of it. what I didn’t mention is the fact that, as it was an ‘off the cuff swim’, we hadn’t dressed for the occasion, and were just wearing shorts and t-shirts. Mr Grump, (actually back then he was spiky haired, and very lean and fit) and a friend of his had the same idea and were also having fun in the sea, swimming and splashing about.

They got out a little before Karen and I, and were just hanging around on the beach. As I came wading of the water, Mr Grump came over to me with his jacket which he thoughtfully wrapped around me. I thanked him for his kindness and we eventually went on to have a rather tempestuous two-year relationship.(oh, and he  later told me that he knew exactly what was in store for him, as my yellow shorts, white top, plus underwear,  had gone completely see-through in the water AND he had a bloody good look before bringing me the jacket to spare my blushes)!

We did get engaged during the two years, but were much too young and immature really, plus Mr Grump was being posted elsewhere and was a bit of a Jack-the lad in those days! We ended u going our separate ways, and although Karen and I both left the army after 3 years, Mr Grump continued to serve.

I came back to my home town, and life moved on…I did occasionally think about Mr Grump, and at one time, went to visit his mother in Wales for a few days. I didn’t see him at that time, as he was off serving abroad somewhere. Anyway, I ended up getting married, and much later  I had my beautiful daughter . He of course also went on to have children and marry.

As I mentioned, I was still in touch with Karen, and one day she told me that she had seen Mr Grump on Forces Reunited, and that he would be pleased to hear from me. I was really shocked  after all the time that had passed, but was so curious. After all, I had thought about him many times over the years, so anyway I bit the bullet and contacted him.

We sent messages back and forth for a while but then finally decided to meet up. I had been single for a few years as Miss Hap’s father and I had split when she was a very young baby. I had arranged to meet him in a local Supermarket car park, but he got lost as had to drive for a couple of hours to get there, Finally he made it there and seeing him was like the years just melted away (well aside from the fact that he had put on a few stone and his  hair was bald on top and long at the back which he put into a pigtail)! That was it for both of us…. after a few weeks, he moved in, and six months later we married! (By this time I had got at him with the hair clippers, he lost a load of weight, I put a load on), but we were happy

Karen and her family of course came to the wedding, and she was one of our witnesses;  Miss Hap was our gorgeous bridesmaid and  we had a small, intimate ceremony (so intimate I didn’t realise the room would only hold 4 people (and the huge dress that I had chosen), so a few of our family stood outside the window looking in at us exchanging vows!! We did have a reception at the local pub though for everybody and it was a wonderful day.

It just goes to show, how unpredictable life is! I never would have guessed, that after being apart for 25 years, Mr Grump and I would not only meet up again, but I would eventually become his wife, even if it took me 30 years to do it!!

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