Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 164: Hearts and Flowers, Tissues and Snot! — February 15, 2015

Episode 164: Hearts and Flowers, Tissues and Snot!

Well what a wonderful day Valentine’s Day turned out to be! Miss Hap started the day off on the right note by waking Mr Grump up at 6.30 (I was already up an hour before). For some reason, she had decided that it was the perfect time to have a very loud telephone conversation with her friend that she was meeting up with a little later.

I meanwhile, was up sneezing my head off! From out of nowhere a  nasty cold had appeared the night before, decided it liked the look of me, and would hang around for a while, settling in and making itself comfy. This left me with half-open watery eyes and a lively red nose, I decided that I might as well stay in my pyjamas to complete the look.

Miss Hap eventually met her friend (after taking ages choosing the right outfit, and making a racket about it) so Me and Mr Grump had some time to ourselves. He had chores to do though, and I was flat-out on the sofa for most of the morning,We did however exchange cards and he bought me my favourite yellow roses which was lovely.

Miss Hap was originally going to stay with her Nan for the night, but plans were changed so she was joining us for our ‘romantic steak dinner’. I decided to ‘slip into something more comfortable’ for the meal, so had a bath and put on fresh pyjamas! Well I thought that it was more in keeping with the Vaseline around my nose. I didn’t have any wine due to dosing myself up with painkillers.

There was a little streak left over so Mr Grump insisted we give it to Roxy the dog as she is a girl and needed to be treated on Valentine’s Day as well! Anyway, dinner over and Miss Hap heads off upstairs out of germ’s way. I conk out on the sofa at 7pm for a couple of hours wake up for half an hour and then go to bed! Mr Grump, defeated, had started on the beer!

This is what real love is like! It’s not always hearts and flowers, it’s just being together, and making the most of it!

Episode 150: Daffodils Can Make You Ill!!! — February 7, 2015

Episode 150: Daffodils Can Make You Ill!!!

What’s the difference between a daffodil and an onion? No I haven’t gone off my rocker (Well, no more than usual) but apparently there are some people who do not know the difference. It has been taken so seriously that Public Health England (PHE) have become involved.

This story actually made it on to the BBC news this morning, It is beyond belief that Supermarkets have been advised to stop displaying daffodils near to the vegetable section. Apparently, some poor souls  mistake the bulbs for onions and have become poorly after eating them! The leaves too have been munched as they resemble a type of Chinese vegetable.

Daffodil consumption can cause diarrhoea, vomiting and a sore throat as they are poisonous when eaten, The effects can last up to 24 hours as well!

Maybe they just need to put a giant health warning on them or an advisory, You know, like they do with take-away coffees (caution may be hot). I should bloody well hope so, or I’m taking it back!

Anyone got any suggestions of how we can stop this dreadful mix-up from happening?

Episode 43: Swallowing My Pride…… — November 13, 2014

Episode 43: Swallowing My Pride……

As sore throats go, the one that I have got is not only stubborn, but bloody painful! I went to the doctors with it just over a week ago, was packed off with antibiotics, told I was infectious, and that I should try to rest …..

Knowing what is good for me, I took his advice,plus the tablets, and did not go out the house all week! That was until yesterday when the tablets had finished, but my throat was still so sore, every time I swallowed it felt like broken glass was cutting as it went down (not that I have ever tried swallowing glass of course)! I got another appointment at the doctors.

The weather looked cold and overcast, so I put on my long, black ‘Goth’ coat that I love, phoned for a taxi (My bloody car is STILL off the road) and off I went. I duly got examined again, throat swab was taken (I retched and gagged whilst she did this, not very becoming I know).and different antibiotics prescribed! I am not a fan of taking tablets at the best of times, and the first lot I given were HUGE! I mean, how the hell do you expect someone to take a bloody great horse tablet with a sore throat who can barely swallow?!

Anyway.I . said I would take the tablets, and then made some feeble joke about how I have never been ill as much as I have been since giving up smoking (well actually it is true). That comment was met with an icy look, and a stern warning not to start-up again! Suitably put in my place, I left the surgery, and for some reason, decided to walk to my visit my sister who lives about a 15 minute walk away.

As I started walking, I phoned her to make sure she was back from work and told her i was on my way. By now I had made it out onto the busy main road which leads from the town centre to the area where we live. It would have been quite nice to have been out in the fresh air after a week cooped up, but the heavens opened an a downpour started. Oh great….My coat had no hood and I had  no umbrella!  I kept on walking not having any choice,  but I had that uncomfortable sensation of my tights starting to roll down!

I walked a little bit further, but I could feel the ‘ping’ as they had made it over the mound of my stomach, and I knew that their journey downwards was going to be unhampered now, and I needed to do something about it QUICK. I tried to surreptitiously hike them up one side at a time, but couldn’t get a decent grip on them. Now they had made it down halfway over my bottom, so I had to try something else. I sped up, walking as fast as I could, trying to get under my coat and skirt to get at these runaway tights, but not was not very successful.

I carried on this bizarre little dance all the way to my sister’s house, which at last I had arrived at! I barged in, yanked up my annoying tights and said hello!  My sister had thoughtfully made me a huge cup of tea and a delectable sandwich which I was grateful for. We exchanged pleasantries, and I told her that my throat was still sore. I noticed she had already kept her distance from me, plus she told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want it! … I decided I’d better not hang around too long, thereby exposing her to my germs, so I went to leave, thanking her for the lunch.

As I was going out the door….I glanced back to say goodbye again, and noticed that she had got the bleach out to disinfect the cup I had been using….Charming! Nothing like feeling wanted!

Episode 2: Blowing Hot and Cold. — September 19, 2014

Episode 2: Blowing Hot and Cold.

Just as I thought, the muzzy head and tickly throat had festered overnight and I awoke this morning at 5.15 when the alarm went off feeling absolutely rotten!

Last night was another virtually sleepless night (fourth in a row). I thought that in my exhausted sleep-deprived state, I would collapse into bed where I would sleep soundly all night. This of course was not to be. As soon as I entered my bedroom the heat hit me, like walking into a greenhouse on a hot summer’s day. This didn’t bode well for a good night’s rest.

After 10 minutes, I decided I had to cool down; Off I went to the bathroom to get some loo roll which I had drenched in cold water, and once back in bed, I plonked the soggy, pulpy mass on my forehead for a bit of relief. This didn’t quite do the trick, so I nudged Mr Grump awake so that he could dab the sopping tissue on my back to try and cool me off.

All my attempts to cool off proved unsuccessful and yet another restless night ensued…

I had valiantly decided that I was going to go to work, but after failing to summon up any energy, my tired body aching from the hacking cough that had disturbed me so often, coupled with a raging temperature, had me admitting defeat and I phoned in sick.

After another fruitless couple of hours of trying to go back to sleep, I decided to drag myself downstairs to quench my raging thirst, plus I was in need of sustenance, as my appetite was strangely unimpaired by my malady.

The rest of the day has been a series of bizarre bouts of feeling boiling hot, grabbing anything cold I could find to cool my brow, and then cooling off, getting mad bursts of energy, racing around trying to get things done, until the next hot spell kicked in again, where I would repeat the whole process.

In the midst of one of my warmer moments, my daughter arrived home from school looking flushed. Oh, not her coming down with it as well, however with the resilience of youth, she still wanted to go out, but not before she told me ” Mum, my head is really itchy, and I can’t stop scratching.” I carefully examined her head; curiously mine had been itching for a few days as well…..Great, we now have got bloody nits!!!

Mr Grump springs into action, his head is bald and shiny and he is not intimidated by a few measly nits…oh, no! He has grabbed the nit comb, which has been lurking since last time, (one of the joys of having school aged children) and is raking through my daughter’s long thick hair, shouting in delight each time he has captured and annihilated one of the little blighters!

So here I sit, with my cool pack on my head, scalp tingling from the savage combing I endured at the merciless hands of Mr Grump… Isn’t life fun!

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