Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

#JusJoJan 2018. January 26th Address — January 26, 2018

#JusJoJan 2018. January 26th Address

I hope that you are enjoying my posts from Linda’s Just Jot it January as much as I am enjoying writing them.

Here is today’s prompt word.

Your prompt for January 26th, 2018, brought to you by my fellow old-commercial enthusiast, John Holton, is “Address.” Use it any way you’d like in your post. And make sure you visit John at his blog, “The Sound of One Hand Typing,” to read his post and say hi! Here’s his link:  https://thesoundofonehandtyping.wordpress.com/

Do you have a certain way that you prefer to be addressed or ones that you certainly do not want anyone to address you by? I know that for some people, it is very important.

One of the things that we are taught as future nurses is to make sure that we address people by their chosen preference. For some, (in many cases older people), it is Mr,  Mrs, Ms or Miss and their surname. My mother is one of these people mainly if someone does not know her. I think it shows a certain amount of respect, and I know when I was young, all adults were typically addressed this way unless they were very familiar to us and then it was prefaced by ‘uncle’ or ‘aunty’ and their Christian name. Nowadays it seems a little too formal for some, and just first names are used.

Actually, for some, it is their middle name that they use, not their first. My father’ name was Alfred John, but when he was in hospital if anyone called him ‘Alfred’ he wouldn’t have a clue who they were talking to. Others like myself, prefer a shortened version of their name.

I am fine with this, although for me, hearing my daughter’s friends call me ‘Judy’ seems a little too casual, yet ‘Mrs Martin’ too starchy! Despite some of my nieces and nephews being in their 20s and 30s, I will still always put ‘Aunty Judy’ on their cards, and my daughter refers to my siblings as ‘Aunty’ and ‘Uncle’ as well.

One thing we are not supposed to do is to call people’ love’, ‘darling’, ‘pet’, ‘sweetheart’ or any other ‘affectionate’ terms as they may find this condescending or inappropriate. This is not difficult for me, as I never use those terms with anyone other than very close family. It’s not that I am uncaring, I just feel very self-conscious about it. It does not bother me if people address me as ‘duck’ or ‘dear’ as I know, it is just their way, particularly if they are older, and sometimes it is used to make you feel more at ease.

Calling people by their rank can be a bit of a gamble if you are not sure how it works, or you might upset someone. In hospitals, some consultants are ‘Dr’ and some ‘Mr’, and you don’t want to be getting that wrong! I am not that au fait with religion enough as to whether to call someone ‘Father’, ‘Reverend’, ‘Padre’ or something else.

Are you particular about the way you like to be addressed?

#JusJoJan 2018. January 12th Aggravate — January 12, 2018

#JusJoJan 2018. January 12th Aggravate

I hope that you are enjoying my posts from Linda’s Just Jot it January as much as I am enjoying writing them.

Here is today’s prompt word.

Your prompt for January 12th, 2018, brought to you by Fandango, is “Aggravation.” Use it any way you’d like in your post. And make sure you visit Fandango at his blog, “This, That, and the Other” to read his post and say hi! Here’s Fandango’s blog: https://fivedotoh.wordpress.com/

Some things that aggravate me:

  • Lateness. Either if something happens and I end up being late, or meeting someone who is late turning up!
  • Bad manners. That annoys me so much as it is so unnecessary. It doesn’t take much effort to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’
  • Entitlement. I get rather cross when people feel that the world owes them a living and they expect everything to fall into their lap without putting any effort in!
  • Liars. I understand the necessary little white lies on occasion, but some people lie about the most stupid things. I have to say that I lose a bit of respect for someone if they tell a lot of lies.
  • Unpleasantness. We don’t know what goes on in other people’s lives. A smile or a quick chat can go a long way to making a person who may rarely see anyone feel valued. Being grumpy or rude can make that same person feel worthless.

This list could go on and on, but I don’t want it to sound like I am moaning about everything and just being a grumpy old sod.

Oh, one more thing on the subject of things that aggravate me.  I don’t like it when my daughter shortens it to ‘agged’ or ‘aggy’ which seems to be all the rage at the moment!

Nor do I like the fact that I seem to be turning into my mother by the sound of the above!

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye. — November 3, 2017

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye.

I might have mentioned before that I am pretty awkward at the best of times, but particularly in social situations, I get myself worked up over the ‘greeting’ stage of the evening, so that certainly doesn’t bode well for the rest of the night.

Although I am a very affectionate person, I am not overly tactile, so I may come across as aloof or stand-offish which couldn’t be further from the truth! (Funnily enough, I am different with kids and with my elderly patients, as I don’t find it hard at all to behave more naturally with them, probably because they are so non-judgemental)!

When being introduced to someone for the first time, I am inevitably nervous and, particularly at a job interview, my hands will be all clammy, and I dread it when they go in for the handshake. Now I was taught that a limp handshake is a sign of a weak person, so of course, I clasp their hand firmly and then dread it in case they recoil and surreptitiously wipe their hand on their clothes when they think I’m not looking!

We Brits tend to just go for the one kiss if we are greeting someone; even that can be an ordeal! Do you actually kiss the person on the cheek? Should you air kiss them? What if you bump heads if you both go the same way?! Should you hold their hand or hug them as well? The opportunity for getting it wrong and making a fool of yourself is endless!

Then you have the Europeans; some kiss both cheeks; some go for three kisses, oh there are just too many choices! What’s wrong with a friendly “Hello” and a little wave?! Mind you; I have even got that wrong on occasion as well!

The ordeal is not over though, of course not; you have got the whole saying goodbye thing to go through as well….

Have you ever done that kind of circling each other thing at the end of the evening? You know, when friends that you know quite well have been to visit and are now about to leave. You go to say goodbye but are not sure whether to give them a kiss, hug or a wave, so you dance about for a bit, waiting for your cue from them. It doesn’t come, so you decide to go in for the kiss as they give you a wave as they turn around, leaving your peck on the cheek in mid-air!!!

No wonder I’m a hermit!

Growing Old Disgracefully. — October 22, 2017

Growing Old Disgracefully.

I have been pretty negative about the process of aging recently, as you can see here and how I am starting to feel (not to mention look) old. I have decided that there must be some positives to being older, and here are a few things that I have noticed….

You can say what you ‘bloody well like’, in the words of my 85-year-old mother! Yes, once you reach a ripe old age you have earned the right to say what you like about anything; regardless of whether or not it causes offence or hurts anyone’s feelings. I have been in the supermarket with Mum when she has told the assistant on the deli counter that she ‘doesn’t want that plastic ham’ or she’s ‘not paying that much for a bit of cheese’ etc. They can’t decide whether or not she is joking but soon get the message when she turns on her heel and just stomps (well hobbles nowadays unfortunately) off! I. or my sisters (whoever has the pleasure of being with her)  are left cringing in her wake, rolling our eyes at the bewildered assistant.

She likes to say what she thinks about members of the family too. Either directly, once she told me that a trouser suit I had bought would look better on my sister as ‘she has got the figure for it’. Very true, but I was gutted, and never wore it again! Or indirectly, as in when someone has left the room and before they are even out of earshot she will remark about how much weight they have ‘piled on’ or how awful their outfit is!

Another advantage is selective hearing. This can come in very handy when you don’t want to do something. For example, my Mum hates putting her heating on, and would rather sit there shivering under a blanket than be nice and cosy in a warm room. So when any of us walk in to her little icebox, the conversation goes something like this.

“Why haven’t you got your heating on?”

“What?”

” I SAID, WHY HAVEN’T YOU GOT YOUR HEATING ON?”

“I cant’ hear a bloody word you are saying!”

Leaning over and bellowing in her ear,

“WHY IS THE HEATING NOT ON?!”

” Can you put my hearing aid in, it’s over there?”

By now, I have lost the will to go on, but will dutifully get the hearing aid which is whistling and shrieking, and put it in for her, and then just go and turn the heating on myself. It’s easier.

However, if I had whispered to my sister a bit of gossip about someone, she would have heard that and put her two penn’orth in!

When you are older, and supposedly wiser, you are an asset to any quiz team! There are always questions about the old days. Games like Trivial Pursuit and other question based games normally require a good range of general knowledge, and of historical events.It stands to reason that n older person on the team is a bonus (providing they have their hearing aids in, of course)!

You can dress with abandon, wearing whatever you like in whatever colour combinations you choose when you are older. Who cares about being colour co-ordinated any more. Many elderly people I have encountered (which amounts to quite a few), are very  uninhibited in their dress sense. Why shouldn’t you wear reds, green and blues ALL at the same time! Who gives a toss about what others think?!!

You can nod off at the drop of a hat. Think Grandpa Simpson here, and his amazing ability to fall asleep, even mid-sentence! Yes, when you are older,nobody thinks it odd if you fall asleep at inappropriate times. How great is that? If you have a social function that you are obligated to go to but are not keen, it doesn’t matter! You can just have a snooze whenever you want and no-one will think you are rude. Far from it, they will probably think you are very sweet and endearing!

Those are just a few of the benefits I have come up with to being older…. are there any I have missed?

Mind Your Language, No Swearing! — October 10, 2017

Mind Your Language, No Swearing!

Some time ago I read a post by Wendy on the Rock where she talks about her love for bad language, particularly the ‘F’ word and how this used to upset her mother to hear her swearing at one time, but now she has become used to it.

I could relate to this post, mainly as it brought back memories of how strict my mum and stepdad were when my siblings and I were growing up. I have to say that as a little girl, I was not much of a swearer, in fact, I was reticent and a bit of a ‘Goody Two Shoes’. Well, truth be known, back in the ‘olden days’ we didn’t hear much bad language, not even on the TV (Mind you I had to be in bed before eight until I was about 12 years old)!

I never heard my mother swear at all, growing up, (I don’t count ‘bugger’, ‘bloody’ and ‘Christ’ as swearing. She did let the odd ‘shit’ slip out though (Ha Ha! bit of a double entendre there). Woe betide any of us that dared say any of those words though, We would be threatened as Wendy was, with our mouths being washed out with soap. My stepfather was a bit different though as he had a broad West Country ‘oooh-arrr’ type of accent that made us laugh, especially when he described someone falling as ‘going arse over tit’. Commonplace now but shocking to us kids back then. Mum would give him a bit of a look, but he was oblivious to it anyway!

I remember when I was about nine years old and desperate to grow up quickly, was upset about my deficiency in the boob department. We had been singing Christmas Carols at school. A line from ‘In The Bleak Midwinter’ had piqued my interest, which was …’a breastful of milk and a manger full of hay’. Hmmm, did that mean that if I drank a lot of milk, then a would get big boobs, which I desperately wanted ( I was very innocent back then). Anyway, I asked my Mum for a glass of milk, and for some reason told her why I wanted it. She asked me to repeat what I had just said,

“To make my breastful of milk grow bigger,” I chirped. WRONG! I got a clout for that!. We did not discuss intimate body parts in our house, not even allowed to say ‘bum’. Bottom was the correct term for everything front and back, girls and boys! Sex education we learned at school (or from other kids), and I dreaded telling my Mum when puberty started!

I would never swear in front of my older brothers and sisters either, particularly my eldest sister as I would probably get a smack off her as well (she dobbed me in to my Mum when she found a packet of cigarettes on me when I was 13)!!! Funnily enough, Mum wasn’t as mad about that as she would be about us swearing!

My younger sister was and is a lot braver, and much feistier than I am. I remember once when we were teenagers; she was sleeping in my room, and as we used to fight like cat and dog then. I for once got furious and told her to ‘piss off”. Oh, no, Mum’s room was next door, and sure enough, my stepdad yelled, but at my sister, not me! No-one thought I had it in me to use such language!

Now of course. Mum doesn’t seem to mind her grand-children swearing, in fact, she has been known to come out with a few choice words herself. Not only that she openly talks about sex (CRINGE), and has a filthy mind we’ve discovered. When we have large family gatherings, we quite often end up playing games, and although they always start reasonably innocently, ‘consequences’ ends up making an appearance, and the filthier, the better!

For those unfamiliar with it, everyone starts off with a bit of paper, you write a girl’s name on it, fold it over, pass it to the next person and they write a boy’s name on it, fold it over, pass it on. Then write where they met, what they did, what he said, she said and how it ended up each time folding it over and passing it on. When that is over, you take it in turns to read out all the combinations. It is a playground game really, but you can get some interesting scenarios if you have a dirty mind!

It is odd though that I still have that fear (or respect) in me that I will not swear in front of my Mum!

Episode 179: Say What You Mean Why Don’t You! — February 24, 2015

Episode 179: Say What You Mean Why Don’t You!

As I may have mentioned before, my daughter has Asperger’s and many times comes out and says exactly what she thinks about things.This is regardless as to who they are, or indeed where we are. I seem to spend a lot of time trying to explain to her why it is not polite/tactful to be so blunt, but sometimes, just sometimes I think we would all just love to say what we really think….

You have been invited to a friend’s/family member’s house for a coffee; just as you are about to leave, you get a phone call asking if you could ‘just pick up a pint of milk, packet of cigs’ and a few other bits and pieces. You don’t actually have that much money on you and you know it is going to be tricky asking for your money back when you deliver the goods. What you want to say is,

“No I bloody can’t! Why the hell did you invite me over for coffee when you haven’t even got any milk. Why can’t you do your own shopping?”

What you actually say is,

“Oh yes, of course I will . Do you need anything else?”

You are walking along the street when someone coming the other way barges into you and knocks you out of their way.

What you want to say is,

“Watch where you are going you Arsehole!”

What you actually say is,

“Sorry!” Yes really. Or at least I do!

You are in the supermarket, strapped for time trying to get grocery shopping done, only to come to an abrupt halt as two shoppers are having a chat, blocking the aisles with their trolleys. They see you trying to get by, glare at you before finally huffing and puffing, and moving a fraction so you can just about get through.

What you want to say is,

“So sorry to interrupt your important meeting just so that I can actually do my shopping as this is a supermarket not a village hall!”

“What you actually say is,

“Thanks so much, whilst looking apologetic for having disturbed them!

This one probably only applies to me as I am a ‘Philistine’ who likes their steak well-done. On going out for a birthday meal with my mum and some other family members, i and some others requested a steak. I explained how I liked it cooked and when the waitress plonked it down forcefully, and dare I say resentful in front of me she asked me if ‘it was well done enough for me or should she take it back and get the chef to cremate it a bit more’

What I wanted to say was,

“How dare you try to belittle and humiliate me in front of everyone you rude excuse for a person. You can sod off if you think I am leaving you a tip, other than get some bloody manners!”

What I actually said was,

“Thank you, that will do fine!”

Ahhh yes, wouldn’t it be good to say what we really think sometimes.  Anything you would like to say?

Episode 170: Politeness Pays…. — February 19, 2015

Episode 170: Politeness Pays….

I have written a couple of posts about manners, and how I hate it when people are rude, arrogant or just plain obnoxious. We are very quick to judge people on their behaviour, and here are some examples of how first impressions matter…

A man getting off the Tube politely let another male passenger go before him. The other man started pushing and shoving despite being told by the first man that he was not trying to block his way. Anyway, after a bit of argy-bargy, it was suggested that the first man might like to ‘go f**k himself.’

Later that evening, the first man was conducting some job interviews. Guess who turned up?! Unfortunately, he didn’t meet the requirements and was unsuccessful in getting the job. They did have a laugh about their earlier scuffle though apparently!

The  second story involves a little girl of five years old. She was in a shop with her granddad after school, looking at toys. They often visited this shop and the little girl would spell out the names of the toys she wanted. This was educational for the little girl and enjoyable for them both.

On one of their visits, as the little girl was spelling out one of the toys she wanted, a woman approached them and gave the granddad an envelope. She then disappeared after remarking how pleasant and polite the little girl was. In the envelope was a voucher for £10. The little girl was thrilled as she had enough money to buy one of the toys on her wishlist.

The idiot on the Tube might have wished that he had remembered his manners!

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry! — February 13, 2015

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry!

For those of us that have men in our lives, we accept that they may not be perfect but according to the Bookmakers William Hill there are fifty skills that your man should have in order to qualify as a ‘real man.’ Apparently they questioned 2000 people in order to discover what qualities it takes to accomplish this,

The list includes things like being able to tie a tie, knowing how to wire a plug, being able to change a light bulb, as well as know when your anniversary is, and how to do the laundry.

I have decided to make my own little list of what qualities I think ‘real men’ should have, which are in no particular order:

Not being ashamed to cry. I don’t mean just when their team loses an important match, I mean actually showing a bit of emotion when something has affected them deeply. Having said that,I don’t want him bawling his head off at the slightest thing!

  • Enjoy shopping. A real man will not be at all fazed whilst accompanying you on a shopping trip, and that includes browsing at lingerie! It is so annoying when you go to ask your parter’s opinion on a racy little number, only to find that he has legged it!
  • Be a good cook. Although I do like to cook at times, it is great that Mr Grump loves cooking and is so good at it too!
  • Have a decent sense of humour. Because I like to laugh at things, and enjoy making fun of silly situations, it is important to me to have someone to laugh with. I don’t want to be with someone who is precious about me taking the mickey out of them!
  • Not having an aversion to housework. Being able to push a vacuum around is a huge plus in my book. It is one of those jobs that I hate doing! For some reason, I have never known a man who is good at dusting and polishing, but if he is handy with a vacuum then that’ll do!
  • Enjoy driving.  Although I drive myself, I am not that keen on it, so a man must be able to drive, and drive well! It is pretty off-putting if a man is crunching the gears or taking about 20 attempts to parallel park, when he is behind the wheel.
  • Be well-groomed. Now a real man knows how to be well-presented. I like him to be smartly dressed in ironed clothes,smelling nice and have clean nails! I don’t however, want him to take longer getting ready than I do, hog the mirror, nick my beauty products, or borrow my straighteners (if he has hair of course).
  • Be good at DIY.  I like a man who is handy to have around. You never know when you need a shelf putting up,a room to be decorated or someone to fix something that I have broken.This is a very important quality in my book.
  • Know when to make himself scarce! This one is pretty important as well. I don’t just mean when you are having a ‘girly’ night in and don’t want the old man around. I mean that he knows to get out of your way when you are in a mood (especially if he is the one that has wound you up)!

Are there any that I have missed out, what qualities do you think a real man has?

Episode 139: Stating The Bleeding Obvious!!! — February 4, 2015

Episode 139: Stating The Bleeding Obvious!!!

Don’t you just hate it when you are feeling a bit grotty, so make an extra special effort to try to disguise it, only to have someone come up to you and say with concern,

“Are you aright? You look ghastly!” Well thanks very much, that is just what I wanted to hear. Some people just don’t think; either that or they missed the boat when tact and diplomacy were given out!

Mr Grump has been known to have opened his mouth before engaging his brain, and has been on the end of a verbal volley from me. His crime? He dared to mention that I had a HUGE spot on my face; I was only too aware of it already, and had attempted to hide it with copious amounts of makeup. I know it still shone through like a Belisha Beacon, but he didn’t have to mention it!

Another really big no-no happened as I was walking along the corridor at work. One of the night nurses, smiled at me and asked me if I was pregnant! I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In the end I settled for taking offence, and told her that no, i was just fat!. I would have thought that she could have done a bit of subtle digging first rather than just coming out with it!

I know it’s nice that people notice things, and yes, we all like to be complimented on a new haircut, or the fact that we have lost weight; but on the flip side, most of us are a little sensitive to have our flaws pointed out, even if there was no intention to embarrass.

I know some people just speak without thinking; my poor boss suffers with this affliction. When one of the carers was brushing a patient’s hair, she asked them to have a go at the nurse’s hair that was working with her, as it looked like a bird’s nest. Ouch!

What type of person are you? A blabbermouth, or the soul of discretion?

Episode 123. Mind Your Manners…. — January 25, 2015

Episode 123. Mind Your Manners….

I really hate seeing bad manners

People who are surly and rude

Who forget how to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’

Or whose language is vulgar and crude!

Drivers that cut people up are annoying

God knows how they got through their test

And the middle lane hoggers are awful

They should all be put under arrest!

What about bad table manners?

Those that are noisily chomping their food

Eating with mouths that are open

Can really put me in a mood!

Then there are those that ignore you

Walk away when you’re having a chat

Others that have no decorum

And will tell you, that you’re looking quite fat!

We all have to get on together

So it makes perfect sense to me

To treat everyone we encounter

With kindness and courtesy.

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