Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Some More Halloween Limericks, A Vampire and a Ghost — October 29, 2017

Some More Halloween Limericks, A Vampire and a Ghost

Another bit of silliness for you,

 

There was an old vampire named Vlad

Who’s blood sucking fangs had gone bad

He used to be ruthless

But now he is toothless

And that makes him feel rather sad!

 

A ghost was stricken with fright

Whenever day turned to night

He found it quite daunting

When it was time to go haunting

He’d much rather stay out of sight!

If you enjoyed these then check out some more from yesterday, here

Episode 500: Expanding Comments. — September 16, 2015

Episode 500: Expanding Comments.

Once I have commented on a post and interacted a bit with the blogger responsible for it, I tend not to think anymore about it. However, today for Writing 101, I am going to write my post expanding on a comment that I left on another blog.

The lovely Daffy  very often combines two different challenges into one post, and makes a damn good job of it too! I was impressed that she entitled the post ‘Yellow’ as that covered everything perfectly. I commented as much too,

Now, as many of you know, yellow is my favourite colour, and I have a lovely (well at least I think so) yellow car which I wrote about here. Anyway, yesterday I went to pick my sister up after work and was a little early (as usual)! I sat in my car daydreaming when I heard a thump.

I looked up and thee was this cat sitting on my bonnet,  looking straight at me. I nearly jumped out of my skin, but grabbed my phone and got a picture. He hopped up onto the roof, jumped down onto the boot and then disappeared!

How odd, Anyway, I forgot about it and two minutes later he was back, only this time he jumped on my side of the bonnet and was mewing at me (as you can see in the picture). I didn’t know what he wanted but off he flounced again but not before I got another picture of him. He is after all, very pretty with his yellowish fur and blue eyes.

When my sister arrived, I told her about him; she already knows him as he belongs to the people she works for, and is called ‘Cloud.’ Apparently he is a big wimp and normally shies away from people, so I must have been honoured to have had him come to see me.

Must have been my pretty yellow car!

Episode 454: One-Liner Wednesday: Like Mother, Like Daughter! — August 12, 2015
Episode 394: Creepy Creatures! — June 26, 2015

Episode 394: Creepy Creatures!

Now I admit that I am a bit of a wimp when it comes to creepy crawlies etc, and of course now that summer is well and truly on its way, I am going to be constantly nagging Mr Grump to come and deal with any that happen to get in my way!

I have tried to be really careful that I do not pass this trait down to Miss Hap but it seems I have failed. Around 6am this morning when I was eating my breakfast and Mr Grump was out with the dog, she came thundering down the stairs in rather a hurry! This in itself was unusual because normally it takes forever to get her up and motivated on a school day and also she does not like to hurry, especially in the mornings.

It turns out there was a HUGE (her words) spider in her room and I needed to go and get it out immediately. Well I am afraid to say, I wasn’t going! I had already had a run in with a daddy-long-legs that dive-bombed me whilst I was on the loo, and that was far closer than I was going to get to any spiders. Mr Grump was still out, so after 10 mins Miss Hap decided (with my encouragement) that it had probably scuttled off somewhere else and to go back to bed.

At break time today at work, three of us went to sit on the smoker’s bench just by the car park (I haven’t restarted smoking, but way too hot to stay indoors). The nurse sitting next to me on the bench started flailing about screaming, so I jumped up as well as she said something was in her hair!

She managed to flick it off and it turned out to be this little chap. I have never seen a spider like him before. He has this almost fluorescent green body (looks radioactive to me) and was running around all over the place.

I wanted to get a pic of him as he was so unusual but was scared to get too close, so this is the end result which is not very good I know, but you can still see the glowing green bit of him!  Has anyone else seen this weird type of spider.? (Now to us of course, he seemed ENORMOUS but I think he was probably about as big as a thumbnail!

Episode 254: Dead Scary! — March 26, 2015

Episode 254: Dead Scary!

Being a funeral director must be a pretty difficult job. It is not something that everyone would be cut out for. Not only is it very sombre and serious (especially having to deal with grieving relatives), but also exceedingly lonely and eerie. I would certainly not fancy being on my own with a dead body for long.

Imagine, then the shock of one poor German undertaker who was minding his own business, going about his work when suddenly the lid was pushed off the top of a coffin, and a dazed voice asked,

“Where am I?”

Unfortunately, it took a while for the ‘corpse’ to get her answer as the poor undertaker was flat-out, sparko on the floor in a faint! When he regained consciousness, he tentatively looked into the coffin to see two open eyes staring at him. Freaked out he called the paramedics who took the ‘body’ (who by now had a weak pulse), to hospital. Sadly she fell ill died later on.

It turned out that this elderly woman lived in a care home and was found in the morning not breathing by one of the staff. A doctor was called who confirmed the death, then the woman was swiftly taken to the funeral home where she ‘woke up’ and scared the poor worker half to death!

The police have now got involved as they feel an explanation is needed by the care home as to why the death was improperly recorded. Meanwhile, the owner of the home is livid as they have become a bit of a joke with the press and the locals!  I wouldn’t have thought the poor lady was that chuffed either when she awoke to find herself in a coffin!

Episode 73: Mind Your Language! — December 12, 2014

Episode 73: Mind Your Language!

Earlier on today I read a post by Wendy of the Rock where she talks about her love for bad language, particularly the ‘F’ word and how this used to upset her mother, but now she has become used to it.

I could really relate to this post, mainly as it brought back memories of how strict my mum and stepdad were  when me and my siblings were growing up. I have to say that as a little girl, I was not much of a swearer, in fact I was very quiet and a bit of a ‘Goody Two Shoes’. Well truth be known,back in the ‘olden days’ we didn’t really hear much bad language, not even on the TV (Mind you I had to be in bed before 8 until I was about 12 years old)!

I never heard my mother swear at all, growing up, (I don’t really count ‘bugger’ , ‘bloody’ and ‘Christ’ as swearing. She did let the odd ‘shit’ slip out though (Ha Ha!  bit of a double entendre there). Woe betide any of us that dared say any of those words though, We would be threatened as Wendy was, with our mouths being washed out with soap. My stepfather was a bit different though as he had a broad West Country ‘oooh-arrr’ type of accent that made us laugh, especially when he described someone falling as ‘going arse over tit’. Commonplace now but shocking to us kids back then. Mum would give him a bit of a look but he was oblivious to it anyway!

I remember when I was about 9 years old, and desperate to grow up quickly, was upset about my deficiency in the boob department. We had been singing Christmas Carols at school. A line from ‘In The Bleak Midwinter’ had piqued my interest, which was …’a breastful of milk and a mangerful of hay’. Hmmm, did that mean that if I drank a lot of milk then a would get big boobs, which I desperately wanted ( I was very innocent back then). anyway I asked my Mum for a glass of milk, and for some reason told her why I wanted it. She asked me to repeat what I had just said,

“To make my breastful of milk grow bigger” I chirped. WRONG! I got a clout for that!. We did not discuss intimate body parts in our house, not even allowed to say ‘bum’. Bottom was the correct term for everything front and back, girls and boys! Sex education we learned at school (or from other kids), and I dreaded telling my Mum when puberty started!

I would never swear in front of my older brothers and sisters either, particularly my eldest sister as I would probably get a smack off her as well (she dobbed me in to my Mum when she found a packet of cigarettes on me when I was 13)!!! Funnily enough Mum wasn’t as mad about that as she would be about us swearing!

My younger sister was and is a lot braver, and much feistier than I am. I remember once when we were teenagers; she was sleeping in my room, and as we used to fight like cat and dog then. I for once got really angry and told her to ‘piss off”. Oh, no, Mum’s room was next door and sure enough my step dad yelled, but at my sister, not me! No-one thought I had it in me to use such language!

Now of course. Mum doesn’t seem to mind her grand-children swearing, in fact she has been known to come out with a few choice words herself. Not only that she openly talks about sex (CRINGE), and has a filthy mind we’ve discovered. When we have large family gatherings we quite often end up playing games, and although they always start fairly innocently, ‘consequences’ ends up making an appearance, and the filthier the better! For those unfamiliar with it everyone starts off  with a bit of paper, you write a girl’s name on it, fold it over, pass it to the next person and they write a boy’s name on it, fold it over, pass it on, write where they met, what they did, what he said, she said and how it ended up each time folding it over and passing it on. when that is over, you take it in turns to read out all the combinations. It is a playground game really, but you can get some VERY interesting scenarios if you have a dirty mind!

It is odd though that I still have that fear (or respect) in me that will not swear in front of my Mum!

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