Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Hot, Sleepless Nights — May 29, 2018

Hot, Sleepless Nights

You know I am always moaning about the British weather? I wrote this about one of the things in particular that drives me crazy when the weather is so unpredictable, one minute roasting hot, the next freezing cold!

The weather was so hot and sticky

It was disturbing my precious night’s sleep

I spent all night with the fan on

Duvet on the floor in a heap!

I decided it was time to take action

And packed the heavy duvet away

In its place, a thin bedspread

I’m bound to be cooler this way.

The first few nights it was lovely

I didn’t have to keep mopping my brow

Between the fan and the bedspread

I slept so much easier now

The weather started to get cooler

The heat wave had burned itself out

The bedspread  pulled up into service

In the night when I fumbled about.

I still felt hot and sweaty

The next night when I fell into bed

Old Grump was cocooned in the bedspread

And all I could see was his head!

I still had to have the fan on

Enjoying the delicate breeze

But in the dead of night, I was awoken

My body had started to freeze!

I tried to grab some of the bed spread

But greedy Grump slept like a log

I was now bloody frozen

And tried to cuddle up with the dog!

She wasn’t having any of it

And scampered off down the bed

This called for desperate measures

I tried to snuggle the Grumpster instead!

The next night I had already decided

The duvet was back in its place

With this weather so temperamental

It is always there just in case!

Never ‘Just A Mum’ — March 6, 2016

Never ‘Just A Mum’

Mum 5
My Mum!

 

I wrote this poem last year, but thought it would be perfect for  Mother’s day and good to re-share it for those that haven’t seen it before.

Oh, and of course, you can also find this poem in my new book ‘Rhymes of the Times. which is now available on Amazon and Kindle!

Happy Mother’s Day for all those that are celebrating it today 🙂

 

You wake up constantly through the night

To each and every cry

You soothe, you feed, you  keep them clean

Then croon a lullaby

You take their hand as they take a step

Your face is filled with joy

You sing, you dance, you muck about

With your precious girls and boys

You nurse them when they are poorly

You kiss them when they weep

You fret, you stress, and you can’t relax

Until they are fast asleep

They sometimes drive you crazy

So you say you’ll smack their bum

You cook, you clean, you’re everything

But you’re never ‘Just a Mum’!

#SoCS prompt – ‘tire’ — February 13, 2016

#SoCS prompt – ‘tire’

socs-badge-2015

Today for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness prompt we have ‘tire.’

I have got a bit behind with my blogging this week. Last week I worked all over the weekend as I did this week, and I had a couple of days off midweek. This seems to have thrown me off a bit for some reason, and last night I could have gone to bed as soon as I got in, I was so tired!

I did manage to ‘stay up’ until nearly 9 pm but was struggling! Mr. Grump has a week off now as it is school holidays next week, and needless to say, he has come down with a horrendous cold! Neither of us got a good night’s sleep!

I had a tickly throat and Mr. Grump was snorting and blowing his nose, and not being very quiet about it either! I was almost ready to give it up as a bad job and get up at 1 am but did manage to finally nod off until the alarm shrilled through the torpor and forced me to get up.

I dragged myself out of bed still feeling exhausted, came down into the front room with my cuppa, switched the lights on and got a bit of a fright! There sprawled out on the settee covered with a blanket was Mr. Grump. Roxy was asleep at his head (almost on top of him) and he had two long strips of tissue stuffed up his nostrils! He looked ghastly  and  had come downstairs so as not to disturb me. Bless him, he already had!

 

Sleep, Precious Sleep! — December 4, 2015

Sleep, Precious Sleep!

I might have mentioned how tired I am trying to adjust to working full-time again. It is so odd as I have always been used to working so hard, yet don’t remember ever being this shattered (must be my age)!  I have been in bed before 9 pm every night and slept pretty much all night. Miss Hap stays up later than I do.

Speaking of which, I had to stay up till 10 o’clock last night, ON A SCHOOL NIGHT!!! She is currently in Germany at the Cologne Christmas markets with the school, and we had to drop her off at 9.30 pm to get settled on the coach which was leaving at 10 pm.

Needless to say, today was busy at work and I had a student with me as well. Due to my ‘late night’ I was tired and a bit crabby, especially as we didn’t get back to the office to eat our lunch until 3 pm!

I am so glad it is Friday and I can wind down a bit (and stay up late if I want to, although I am usually too knackered)! Not so tonight anyway, we have to be at the school at  3.15 AM to pick her up!! Hmmmm. Looks like I’ll have to go to bed soon. Talk about being old before your time – I feel about 100!

 

 

 

Episode 487: Tuesday Tidbit. Sex Drives…From a Screech and a Roar to A Cough and a Sputter! (18+) — September 8, 2015

Episode 487: Tuesday Tidbit. Sex Drives…From a Screech and a Roar to A Cough and a Sputter! (18+)

For the Tuesday Tidbit this week I thought I would have a light-hearted look at  how the sex drive changes over the years.

The teenage boy is usually  desperate to have sex and tries his hardest to find someone that will sleep with him. When this fails, it is not unknown for them to have a stash  of adult mags, under the bed to ahem, pore over!

The teenage girl, however, does not know how to deal with her raging hormones, She does not want to risk sleeping with someone who isn’t in love with her, only  to be dumped and have them blab and brag about it to all and sundry, causing her huge embarrassment. No, she will stamp and stomp around the house bursting into tears at the slightest provocation.

Both sexes in their twenties are usually raring to go when it comes to sex. They think they invented the Karma Sutra and are at it constantly several times per day, anywhere and everywhere they can. Forget eating and sleeping sex really is ‘the food of love’ at this stage.

During the thirties, things can slow down a little, especially for women, and particularly if they have young children. Tiredness can be a real passion killer, as can little uninvited visitors to the bedroom in the middle of the night. Men are more willing to risk it, but are often rebuffed, or end up with a little person wedged in the middle of the bed, which curtails any further sexy thoughts!

The forties and fifties. Women can very often reach their sexual peak during their 40s and 50s. more so if the kids are grown up! This is where the men very often slacken off due to ill health, or perhaps pressures of work. Things are starting to die down now and those all night sexual marathons are distant memories, replaced by perfunctory monthly couplings. This is where the women can feel rather let down and frustrated. However, for some that are going through ‘the change’, they are more than happy to lay off the sex for a while as they don’t need anything else to make them feel hot and sweaty!

The Sixties and beyond. This is a time when the menopause is usually finished, and some people are more relaxed due to having more time on their hands having retired from work. This is also when things can really go downhill for some men, Help is at hand, though, (or rather somewhere else), and there are those little blue pills that might be able to perk up the love life.

Now I know why they like to be called ‘recycled teenagers!’

Episode 381: Freestyle Writing Challenge #2 — June 19, 2015

Episode 381: Freestyle Writing Challenge #2

I have been challenged to take part in the Freestyle Writing Challenge by two lovely ladies, one being Ritu and the other Erika.

Here are the rules:

1. Open a blank document.
2. Set a stop watch timer to 5 or 10 minutes, whichever length you prefer.
3. Your topic is at the foot of this post BUT DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY WITH YOUR TIMER!!!
4. Once you start writing do not stop until the alarm sounds!  Do not cheat by going back and correcting spelling and grammar using spell check (it is only meant for you to reflect on your own control of sensible thought flow and for you to reflect on your ability to write with correct spelling and grammar.)
5. You may or may not pay attention to punctuation or capitals
6. At the end of your post write down the number of words to give an idea of how much you can write within the time Frame.
7. Put the whole document onto your post and nominate 5 others and give them a new topic. Remember to copy paste the rules in!

I have gone with the topic that Ritu chose, as I saw her nomination first, however Erika also had a great topic.

What I thought life would be like as an adult when I was a kid.

When I was a kid I thought that life was going to be so much better as an adult. After all, there would not be a load of brothers and sisters around to have to share everything with! I also used to hat eth fact that myself and younger sister had to go to bed at the same time even though I was two years older than her! I thought that it would be great being an adult as I would be able to go to bed at whatever time I wanted!

I envisioned myself with a husband and a few kids loving in my own large house probably somewhere by the sea. I didn’t consider how I would get to wherewithal to pay for all the wonderful things I would have. I knew that I would probably work, but I thought It would be with children as a nanny or something like that.

One thing I did know though was that I did not want to live on my own, ever! Although I am quite happy in my own company, and in fact like being on my own quite a lot, I also like to know that there is someone else in the house so that I am not completely alone.

I thought life as an adult would be doing what I wanted all of the time, without having to consider anyone else’s feelings. I could eat when and what I wanted; watch anything I liked on TV, go anywhere  I liked;  and that life would be filled with fun with no responsibilities!

264 Words, 10 Mins.

Here are my nominees as I would love to see their responses to this challenge.

weebluebirdie

Hummingbird Redemption

The Offkey of Life

AimerBoyz

Nutsrok

Your topic is

*

*

*

What music gets you up on the dancefloor?

Episode 169: Spring is On The Way….. — February 18, 2015

Episode 169: Spring is On The Way…..

Now I don’t like to boast, but poor Donna from MyOBT was just complaining how cold it was over in New York, and I just had to mention what a beautiful, sunny day it is here in the good old UK. Knowing how obsessed us Brits are with the weather, it makes a very pleasant change to have something positive to say about it for once!

Last night I had to work a rare night shift; It was really busy, and as usual was stuffy and hot up on the ward despite the freezing temperatures outside. I was heartened however, to notice that the dawn was breaking early, and as it approached 8am when it was time to go home, the sun was shining.

I did not however, bargain on having to scrape ice off the windscreen and spend 20 minutes defrosting the car, before  I could get home to my bed. Not being used to nights my poor, shattered eyes were squinting against the dazzling sun driving home.

When I finally dropped into bed, I was awakened about less than three hours later by kids playing outside, (it’s half-term week), enjoying the unexpectedly lovely day. I dragged myself downstairs to see Mr Grump manically cleaning out the fish tank. Something has put him in a good mood then, must be the sunshine!

I decided to leave him to it and flopped out on the sofa for an hour, trying to get a bit more shut-eye. When I woke back up we decided to go out and get a couple more fish as the tank was looking a bit sparse. a bit of new life is what we needed. As we walked into the Garden Centre Mr Grump suddenly piped up with,

“Oooh it’s a little colder than I thought”. I told him that I was ok, in fact, I was quite warm. The difference between us was, that I hadn’t gone Commando!

Don’t you just love the spring?

Episode 126: Tired of Not Sleeping! — January 28, 2015

Episode 126: Tired of Not Sleeping!

What do you do to entertain yourself at 3am in the morning when you can’t sleep? It is so annoying You turn over, and over trying to get comfortable…then you need the loo so you stumble out, eyes half closed, get back to bed and…ZING! You are wide awake. That’s the situation I found myself in this morning….

Apart from the fact that I was resentful that both Mr Grump and the dog were snoring contentedly, I was cross because I had a day off and could have had a lie-in (I never do anyway, but in theory I could)!

So it’s off downstairs as there is no point in trying to force something that is just not going to happen. It’s a little chilly downstairs, so I put the kettle on for a nice cup of tea. I don’t however, turn on the heating otherwise the clanking and banging noises it makes as it fires up will wake everyone else up. Anyway I’ve got one of those snuggle blankets with the arms in!

So now what can I do? Well I can catch up with a bit of TV that Mr Grump won’t entertain watching. I particularly enjoy a programme where this ex-hotelier (now bankrupt and unemployed), has been employed as ‘Entertainments Manager’ at another local hotel, as the owners saw his fly on the wall series a couple of years ago when he ran his own hotels (obviously before he lost the lot)!

Anyway, this guy is so funny, as he spectacularly buggers up everything he touches, even though he tries so hard. It makes me laugh, and if I can’t sleep, I might as well be sat there giggling. I flick on my laptop and have a couple of games of ‘Candy Crush’ whilst I am at it as well!

I know some people like to get on with a bit of housework if they can’t sleep but that would not be a great idea where I live. I am too noisy and clumsy to start dusting especially if not fully awake. Plus the walls are so thin in my house that I would have half the square knocking my door, not to mention Mr Grump and Miss Hap, baying for my blood if I dared to vacuum.

No, I didn’t fancy living dangerously,  so I opted for a couple of hours watching telly and playing on my laptop, I was then ready to go back to sleep, which I did… a really deep sleep, so deep that when Miss Hap came in to have a snuggle before school, I woke up with a splitting headache, feeling disoriented, and in a nice bad temper! Oh, and still tired despite eventually getting enough sleep!

What do you do when you just can’t sleep?

Episode 109: Growing Old Disgracefully…… — January 17, 2015

Episode 109: Growing Old Disgracefully……

I have been pretty negative about the process of aging recently and how I am starting to feel (not to mention look) old. I have decided that there must be some positives to being older, and here are a few things that I have noticed….

You can say what you ‘bloody well like’, in the words of my 82-year-old mother! Yes, once you reach a ripe old age you have earned the right to say what you like about anything; regardless of whether or not it causes offence or hurts anyone’s feelings. I have been in the supermarket with Mum when she has told the assistant on the deli counter that she ‘doesn’t want that plastic ham’ or she’s ‘not paying that much for a bit of cheese’ etc. They can’t decide whether or not she is joking but soon get the message when she turns on her heel and just stomps (well hobbles nowadays unfortunately) off! I. or my sisters (whoever has the pleasure of being with her)  are left cringing in her wake, rolling our eyes at the bewildered assistant.

She likes to say what she thinks about members of the family too. Either directly, once she told me that a trouser suit I had bought would look better on my sister as ‘she has got the figure for it’. Very true, but I was gutted, and never wore it again! Or indirectly, as in when someone has left the room and before they are even out of earshot she will remark about how much weight they have ‘piled on’ or how awful their outfit is!

Another advantage is selective hearing. This can come in very handy when you don’t want to do something. For example, my Mum hates putting her heating on, and would rather sit there shivering under a blanket than be nice and cosy in a warm room. So when any of us walk in to her little icebox, the conversation goes something like this.

“Why haven’t you got your heating on?”

“What?”

” I SAID, WHY HAVEN’T YOU GOT YOUR HEATING ON?”

“I cant’ hear a bloody word you are saying!”

Leaning over and bellowing in her ear,

“WHY IS THE HEATING NOT ON?!”

” Can you put my hearing aid in, it’s over there?”

By now, I have lost the will to go on, but will dutifully get the hearing aid which is whistling and shrieking, and put it in for her, and then just go and turn the heating on myself. It’s easier.

However, if I had whispered to my sister a bit of gossip about someone, she would have heard that and put her two penneth in!

When you are older, and supposedly wiser, you are an asset to any quiz team! There are always questions about the old days. Games like Trivial Pursuit and other question based games normally require a good range of general knowledge, and of historical events.It stands to reason that n older person on the team is a bonus (providing they have their hearing aids in, of course)!

You can dress with abandon, wearing whatever you like in whatever colour combinations you choose when you are older. Who cares about being colour-co-ordinated any more. Many elderly people I have encountered (which amounts to quite a few), are very  uninhibited in their dress sense. Why shouldn’t you wear reds, green and blues ALL at the same time! Who gives a toss about what others think?!!

You can nod off at the drop of a hat. Think Grandpa Simpson here, and his amazing ability to fall asleep, even mid-sentence! Yes, when you are older,nobody thinks it odd if you fall asleep at inappropriate times. How great is that? If you have a social function that you are obligated to go to but are not keen, it doesn’t matter! You can just have a snooze whenever you want and no-one will think you are rude. Far from it, they will probably think you are very sweet and endearing!

Those are just a few of the benefits I have come up with to being older…. are there any I have missed?

Episode 87: New Year, Old Habits……. — January 2, 2015

Episode 87: New Year, Old Habits…….

Hello 2015! I am so pleased that 2014 has gone, and I now look forward to seeing what delights the New Year has in its sights for me.

I have not really made any New Years resolutions as:

  • They are doomed to failure, I hate to be told that I MUST do something on a certain day, it always usually ends up going wrong.
  • I feel that I hardly have anything left to give up. I have given up smoking, I rarely drink, and no longer eat sweet foods, so there is bugger all left to enjoy, let alone give up!
  • There are enough miserable people at the moment giving up this and that, I don’t need to add to that number.

Anyway, some things never change, despite my efforts. For example,my tendency to be a little accident-prone and just a tad clumsy is still prevalent. My boss very kindly bought all of us staff a lovely china mug for Christmas; each of them different, presumably to match our personalities.Mine was a blue, flowery one which I decided to take home rather than leave it at work where it might get nicked or broken.

Both me and Mr Grump drink tea all day long, and I also like the odd coffee now and again. I have a large mug for my tea, but I only drink a small coffee so my new cup was perfect for that.  I was a little bit grouchy in the morning as I had gone up to get ready and when I had come back downstairs Mr Grump STILL hadn’t done either the washing up from the night before, or made me a drink. I put the kettle on myself, snatched my cup off the draining board, and saw that it was dirty which annoyed me. I turned back to the sink to wash it up just as Mr Grump was trying  to get his cup to the kettle so that I could make HIM a drink! Anyway, you guessed it, SMASH! Mr Grump’s huge, chunky ‘Grumpy Old Git’ cup smashed my delicate china one to smithereens! For once I didn’t say anything, my silence spoke volumes, and Mr Grump scuttled out of the kitchen and out of my way for a bit!

I still had to go to work New Year’s Day, especially as I had Christmas off this year. Mr Grump was going to have to dive me in for about 7am or so, and we were all going to have a quiet New Year’s Eve, Anyway, out of the blue my younger sister invited us to hers in the afternoon for a little while. Her daughter and her fiance ended up coming round and eventually we all decided to go to visit my Mum who also lives locally. Mr Grump met us there and i noticed that he was having a beer, and I knew what was coming….

Sure enough, after a few very loud and raucous games, they all decided to head back to my sister’s to continue the party. It was decided that Miss Hap and Mr Grump would stay the night at my sister’s and I would get a taxi to work in the morning. I must admit I was a bit upset but didn’t want to be a killjoy. After all it was New Year’s Eve. Mr Grump walked me home and then fussed around for a bit before I finally told him to get going as I had blogging to do and I wanted a bit of peace!

I had a bit of a sniffle feeling sorry for myself but soon got lost in the blogosphere catching up on those I hadn’t read and writing my final post of 2014. I decided that I would see who else was working and try to get a lift in from someone else who lives in the area as there are quite a few of us. Luckily I managed to get that sorted so I was pleased about  that.I was just getting ready to go to bed when Miss Hap phoned to say that she was coming home as she missed me and that my other niece’s husband would bring her as they had just turned up there.

That was really nice so we had a little chat, and went to bed. It took me ages to get off to sleep for some reason, but i finally nodded off only to be awoken what seemed like 10 mins later by a bumbling and stumbling Mr Grump.He told me,

“I deshided to come home to be with my baby,  Itsh  still New Yearsh Eve”.

I asked what the time was and told it was only a quarter to midnight. Great! Although I appreciated the fact that he wanted to be with me and had staggered home, he had woken me up! I went back to sleep just in time to be woken up again by the various fireworks that had been let off to bring in the New Year. Lovely. Mr Grump was snoring nicely in time with the dog to accompany the bangs and whizzes of the fireworks.

I did make rather a lot of noise at 5.30 when I got up, making sure I blow dried my hair in the bedroom with the light on of course. Mr Grump got up at 6.30 to see me off to work, how sweet!

Yes. although it is a new year, some things will no doubt remain unchanged!

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