Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

F**K Balls, Grow a Vagina — November 22, 2017

F**K Balls, Grow a Vagina

I get fed up with the expression, “grow a pair,”  or “man up.” Hang on a minute, I think women are far tougher! This poem is not for the faint-hearted.

 

When it’s time to’ man up’

We are told to ‘grow to a pair’

Balls will make us stronger

But that’s not very fair!

Why are they so special?

To make us act so tough

In those awful moments

When life gets really rough.

Gonads are quite tender

And one kick in the jewels

Can render someone helpless

Plus make them look such fools!

 Women are much stronger

There are no ifs and buts.

We have to push a child out

Despite the rips and cuts

You don’t find women fussing

On having to wear a box

Scared that sports activity

Will break their precious cocks!

When it comes to showing strength

Balls are pretty minor

I suggest you ‘woman up’

And grow yourself a  vagina!

Episode 38: Saturday Sport… — November 8, 2014

Episode 38: Saturday Sport…

Mr Grump is in his element today, as the Rugby is on.  Apparently it is the Autumn Internationals (?), and as Wales (he grew up in Cardiff) and Australia are playing, it promises to be a riveting game. I am not that bothered myself, especially as England have failed to qualify,  but will enjoy rooting for Australia to wind him up!

I will say I certainly prefer rugby to football though. For a start, the men are REAL men, with their cauliflower ears, squashed noses and thick thighs, unlike some of the footballers with their perfect hair, chiselled looks and manicured nails. Rugby players get stuck right into the game, and if they get hurt (especially if there is a punch up), they just carry on bloodied and bruised. Footballers however are very precious; They get a foot away from another player and down they go, rolling around on the floor for a few minutes, faces contorted in agony even though there didn’t appear to have been any physical contact!

God help them if their hair gets messed up or someone gets hit in the face….oh dear, bye-bye advertising career. You can’t have some ugly broken-nosed, wonky-eyed footballer advertising Nivea or L’Oreal for men…no that wouldn’t do, and worse still who would want to seem them in their (very snug) underpants?! Not me, that’s for sure. Rugby players however, if they do any form of advertising, it is usually beer or pizza, not some namby-pamby skin care/shampoo/hair dye etc.

Another huge difference are the fans. As a general rule, there is rarely any trouble at rugby matches. Adults and kids seem to really enjoy themselves, and opposing fans are seated together. Alcohol is even allowed in the stadium!! This is a far cry from some of the football matches. Fans normally have to be separated, even to the extent of travelling to and from the stadiums, often using different busses and trains, many having to be supervised by a strong police presence. Plus you get the ‘yobbos’ that are just there to make trouble, and pick fights, with no regard for the game itself! Such a shame.

Mostly, the fights that occur in Rugby are on the pitch, when one or two players get involved in  fist fight, which is duly forgotten after the match, when everyone mingles together in the bar. If two opposing football team fans met in the same pub, it would more than likely kick-off, and would end in serious injury.

The biggest advantage of all though for me, is that Mr Grump only really watches the  International games, which are not that often. I can quite happily sit through the odd match now and again, especially as there are plenty of big, burly guys running about in their little shorts to keep me interested!!

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