I’m not very good at this sexting

Just not cut out for it at all

For a start I write everything longhand

It would be quicker just to give me a call!

When asked “what are you wearing?”

I reply, “How kind of you to ask”

Just my scruffy old leggings

Instead of a sexy black basque.

I know I need to talk dirty

To get my man in the mood

But my parents’ strict upbringing

Has taught me those words are too rude!

The texts I’m receiving get hotter

Oh Christ, think of something to say

“Yes. I’m massaging my boobs as you asked me

And by the way, how is your day?”

Oh, that’s it. I’m rubbish at this game

I think I just might push my luck

And cut straight to the action

And ask if he fancies a …

Nope! Still can’t do it!