Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Blogger’s Bash Blog Post Competition A Royal Party. — March 19, 2018

Blogger’s Bash Blog Post Competition A Royal Party.

I have just about managed to get my entry in on time for the Blogger’s Bash Competition with the theme of ‘Royalty.’  I hope you enjoy this bit of silliness.

Charlie was hosting a party for the wedding of Harry, his son

“To hell with stuffy formalities, I want this party to be fun!

A rollicking frolicking, knees up, chance to let down one’s heir for a while

I will show that young Meghan Markle, we royals can party with style.

Now, what about the guest list? I’d better invite Mum and Dad

Anne and Eddie and of course Randy Andy, he still thinks that he’s Jack the Lad

And who can forget Camilla?  My beloved trouble and strife

She loves a bop and a booze up, and a sneaky cig does my wife.

Kate and Wills will be desperate, to leave the kiddies at home

Wills can show off his ‘Dad Dancing’, so unbecoming for an heir to the throne!

Mike and Zara are bound to be up or it, Eugenie and Beatrice of course too,

Best I don’t invite Fergie, I can’t have her spoiling our do!

My Harry loves a good shindig, being a bit of a lad in his youth

Splashed all over the tabloids, drunken and acting uncouth.

Mind you, Dad is really no better, with the off-colour jokes that he makes

He dishes out plenty of insults, along with his many handshakes!

I need to choose some good music to make the party go with a swing

I hope they haven’t invited those Spice Girls, there’s only one of them that can sing!

There seems so much more to that Meghan, although she appears very nice

She is no shrinking violet, and has been around the block once or twice!

As long as they are both happy, which they seem to affirm

Then as Harry’s proud father, I will welcome her into ‘The Firm! ‘

Broken English and Bad Language — November 21, 2017

Broken English and Bad Language

Now I am quite an old-fashioned, traditional woman as some of you might have noticed. I am also partial to using some out-dated words or phrases as we have such a rich and beautiful language. It is a shame to let them disappear into the mists of time, shrivelling up with lack of use.

I have noticed something disturbing over the years, however, that has become more prevalent as technology advances and the world becomes smaller. The fact that I have a young daughter who likes to keep up with the latest fads and trends also brings this home to me, and I don’t like it one bit.

I may not be the best at writing, I understand that my grammar leaves a lot to be desired at times, and I am careless and shoddy with my proofreading (I know, being the Typo Queen is not something to be proud of). However, I do try to make sure that I at least make some use of the language that I was brought up with. I become very annoyed that my mother-tongue is being messed about with, chopped up and put in a blender, then coming out with chunks in it that I am unfamiliar with!

Now, I do not wish to offend anyone at all, this is my opinion, and being a bit of an old ‘stick in the mud’ I like the language just the way it is, thank you very much.

To illustrate my point, here are a few examples

Text Talk WTF??? (See, I can do some of the trendy abbreviations). You will probably not be surprised to know that when I text someone, I write the whole lot out in full, complete with punctuation. I know, I am extremely uncool, (but I do love a smiley face). I hate all of this cul8tr stuff. I mean, what the hell is that? The first time I saw it I tried to read it as a word, thinking it was ‘culture’ and that someone has pressed the 8 by mistake and did it in a hurry, (Something I am always guilty of).

All these abbreviations are fine,(if you can understand them), but I do worry that our kids are losing the art of writing. I remember when I was at school we had to learn how to write all the different types of letters, like formal, business and personal using the appropriate greeting, and signing off correctly, which I am not sure they still teach despite the fact that letters do still need to be written on occasion.

The other thing I get annoyed about is nicking words from other languages when we have perfectly good ones of our own! Miss Hap does it all the time (she knows it annoys me).

“Mum, have you got any Bobby pins?”

“What? Oh, you mean hair grips”!

Grrrrr.

 

You get the idea. Or this habit of calling each other ‘bruv!’ I am not your bloody bruv, nor am I your ‘mate!’

I know I am getting to be a moany Old Codger but I can’t help it. Is it just me or do you despair at the way language is evolving?

Wacky Word Wednesday — October 21, 2015

Wacky Word Wednesday

Welcome to my Wacky word Wednesday! I do love digging up weird, wonderful or wacky words to share, that quite frankly, are not getting the usage they deserve! Today I have found one that is still around, but not as popular as it used to be (probably because to be called it is not exactly complimentary. I love the sound of this word as it is, but that can be improved even more if you inject a bit of venom into it!

Gormless.  This is a ‘lights on but nobody home’ kind of a word. Vacant and vacuous. dopey and dim-witted, the kind of puzzled and perplexed look that shows a total lack of comprehension. It is the airhead, who can’t concentrate, the numskull that doesn’t get it no matter how many times it is repeated!

It is the dunderhead fooling around and messing everything up; the silly idiot playing pitiful pranks. All-in-all, a pretty apt word to describe how I am feeling at the moment trying to learn things for my new job!

Episode 140: Under My feet… — February 4, 2015

Episode 140: Under My feet…

Mr Grump has had a rare day off work today (he is trying to use up all of his leftover holiday before April)and it is driving me mad! I am enjoying my days off thank you very much and I don’t want them interfered with!

Firstly, he dared to have a lie-in until 8am! Oh yes, it’s alright for some. I was up at bloody dark o’clock as usual (5am) leaving him and the dog snoring happily. He only got up then because I couldn’t find Miss Hap’s phone, and had to wake him up to find out where it was (It turned out it was behind my laptop, oh dear)!

I had asked him yesterday to phone up about my car as it was taken away Monday to be fitted with a catalytic converter by one of his ‘mechanic friends’ (regular readers might remember he resembles ‘Einstein’ with  his wild grey hair and mad professor persona. He apparently couldn’t get through, so I asked him again to do it today.

He huffed and puffed about it, but he has to get up tomorrow to take me to work . so it is to his advantage that I get the car back. He did eventually phone whilst we were in town having a coffee, then had the audacity to show me up, by telling ‘Einstein’ that I was nagging about my car! He didn’t even ask him anything and was off the phone in  no time telling me it will be ready by the end of the week.

Oh that is very helpful! Still I know he will be phoning up every 5 minutes on Friday to see if its ready. Oh yes. I am working at 7.30am Saturday morning, and the Rugby 6 nations is on Friday night, which he wants to watch whilst having a few beers! It is a bit of a grudge match in that England are paying Wales (he is Welsh). No doubt he will be drowning his sorrows when Wales lose and will not be wanting to get up early on Saturday to take me to work).

He then puts his crappy TV on and settles himself down, but luckily my niece came over to visit, and we had a nice girly chat whilst he tried to listen to his programme. He had to go out and start dinner anyway as he had prepared his wonderful ‘cow pie’ and wanted to make sure it was cooked properly!

Once my niece had left  Mr Grump wanted me to finish off making my daughter’s tuna pasta salad (she won’t eat the pie).  Normally he doesn’t like help in the kitchen and I was cross because I had just got myself comfy in my pyjamas.

I reluctantly ventured into the kitchen. to see to the pasta salad. I couldn’t get the stupid mayonnaise out of the squeezy bottle, so I shook it viciously, clouted it a couple of times…..and ended up spraying it all over my hair, face and pyjamas as it spurted flatulently out of the bottle……I wish he would bugger off back to work!!!

Episode 104: Oh, How I Hate Doing Housework! — January 15, 2015

Episode 104: Oh, How I Hate Doing Housework!

Oh, How I hate doing housework

There a huge pile of ironing to do

The carpets all need to be vacuumed

And I still haven’t tackled the loo!

There’s dust all over the TV

The bath is covered in grime

I haven’t started preparing the dinner

What HAVE I done with my time?

The sheets on the beds will need changing

The washing bin is filled to the brim

The floor in the kitchen needs scrubbing

The state of the bathroom is grim

I’m fed-up with all of this housework

It really gives me the hump

I think I’ll do some more blogging

And leave the chores to poor old Mr Grump!

Episode 32: Middle-Aged Madness — November 2, 2014

Episode 32: Middle-Aged Madness

Grumpy
Image Courtesy of Pixabay

Today I am feeling decidedly middle-aged! It is not something that I really want to admit (especially to myself), but I am a whisker away from the half-century milestone. I can feel it’s malevolence reaching out to me, trying to drag me over to the ‘other side’ where youth is  a forgotten memory, and old age starts to creep into every pore, ready to assert its authority over my still-protesting mind and body…..

My husband, Mr Grump, has already metamorphosed into the moany, moody old git that comes with age (if you let it, and Mr Grump embraced it wholeheartedly). Oh, how he loves to complain! Mind you,  there is something to be said for it at times,(see, I knew I was getting old)!   We once had vouchers for a free meal as he had complained bitterly about the appalling service we had received, which was matched by the atrocious food, at a local restaurant chain. Having said that, we were  a little hesitant to use them in case there was a repeat performance!

Apart from the obvious wrinkles and middle-aged spread,(fair enough not everyone has middle-aged spread, but it has decided it wants to attach itself to me, and it’s a bugger to get rid of), I find that I am (God forbid), also  starting to get a bit crabby. Where has the laid back, easy-going person that I once was gone? Why has this moody, snappy, person invaded my body and  started influencing my mind? I know I am not the best of drivers, but why does everyone else on the road have to be such an idiot? People cutting you up or driving like maniacs, I have even been known to mutter the odd ” Dick head” or worse under my breath (I’m too much of a wimp to yell it directly at someone).

I was always so quiet and shy, and although I still don’t like to draw attention to myself much, I have marched over to a neighbour’s house complaining about some misdemeanour their offspring have done to my daughter (Miss Hap), only to be utterly shown up when it transpired that she had started it!

You would have thought that having an 11-year-old daughter would keep me young, but  no! I hate it when she plays her music too loud, (now I am even turning into my mother), I also don’t understand half of what she is saying with all the ‘street talk’ or slang. or whatever it is they speak!

I find myself reminiscing about ‘when I was young’ (that’s it, I am beyond hope now) and how much better everything was back then. It’s funny how memories become distorted over the years, I’m sure I wasn’t this perfect, well-behaved little angel that my memory portrays me as being!

I am going to try to fight this middle-aged monster that wants to consume me. I’m sure I could still do a cart-wheel (if there is a large enough space and an ambulance on standby)… I still scrub up reasonably well (if I have a good few hours free and a ton of Polyfilla handy), and as for being grumpy, (well Mr Grump has got the monopoly on that, and there is no way I could compete with him), it is only because other people don’t know how to drive/behave/etc.. nothing to do with me!

Episode 14: Man Flu Blues… — October 4, 2014

Episode 14: Man Flu Blues…

I was going to start off today with singing the praises of Mr Grump! I have to say that he really got his finger out this morning. Off he went with a friend (who he had roped into helping) to pick up a new washing machine, got rid of the old flashing one, and plumbed in the new one in, all in a couple of hours. That is all the work I am going to get out of him today though, as he has caught my awful cold, but his has somehow mutated into MAN FLU! ….

Every time he sneezes I get a blow-by-blow account of how terrible he feels,  (of course I was never like that, and suffered in silence)! And talking of sneezing, why the hell does it have to be so LOUD? Honestly! I am  sitting here minding my own business when the next thing I nearly jump out of my skin as a huge ATI SHOOOOOOO emits from him,which terrifies the dog, making her leap off of his lap into a place of safety!

I have picked up snotty tissues which he has left on the coffee table (yuk),as he is too weak to walk to the bin to dispose of them properly! I have even made him a cup of tea today! Of course,at work, I look after poorly people all the time, and I really do enjoy it; however it’s his job to look after me (and of course Miss Hap) at home !!!

As it happened, I did get a call from work earlier on, asking me if I could come in and do a night shift tonight (I am not at all keen on nights), as they were very short-staffed. On this occasion, they didn’t need to worry, I jumped at the chance to abandon ship here at home and leave Mr Grump to fester, Miss Hap also knew what was good for her, and decided that she would stay at Nanny’s tonight to keep her company. The poor dog, however, has no choice but to stay here.

I did manage to ‘persuade’ Mr Grump that we needed to do the Supermarket shop today though, as it would do him good, rather than sit at home relaxing, and taking it easy!! I called Miss Hap in from outdoors where she was playing with some friends for her to come with us. She had got this ‘hair chalk’ stuff in various bright colours, which she had decided to experiment with today, on her lovely long brown hair.

Pillar box red is rather a lovely colour, and it did look quite nice on the ends of her hair,(thankfully it washes out pretty easily) However, for some reason, she had managed to get it, not only all over her hands as well, but her entire face! I told her to go and wash her face and hands immediately before we went out, which she (for once) obediently did! Unfortunately, although this stuff comes off hair very easily, it refuses to be washed off skin!

Off we trot to the supermarket (which was packed being a Saturday) with Mr Grump sneezing at full pelt, and Miss Hap, looking very flushed with her lovely tomato coloured face and hands…..I however, discreetly kept my distance from them!

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