Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 161: Fashion? You Could Have Fooled Me! — February 13, 2015

Episode 161: Fashion? You Could Have Fooled Me!

I don’t usually like to write about celebrities as we get to hear enough about them as it is, but I just had to mention Kanye West’s ‘fashion’ show to see whether it was just me that was getting old and past it…..

From what I understand, Mr West has teamed up with Adidas and come up with a range of ‘clothing’ (that term is used very loosely) which was shown off at New York Fashion Week. So proud was Kim Kardashian of her husband that she allowed him to ‘dress’ her (I know they have minions to do everything for them but really…) in one of his outfits.

The thing is…it looks like she has forgotten to put her clothes on! The whole thing looks like rather unsexy underwear, Why would you want to wear a sports bra. granny knickers and long johns as outer wear?! Oh I forgot, she has a lovely camouflage jacket over the top, presumably to give everything that ‘urban’ look or something.

The models were the most miserable looking bunch I have seen for a long time! Most of them  had on what looked like the gusset of a pair of tights on their heads. Why? Were they going off to rob a bank or something afterwards? (Perhaps to rustle up a bit of cash to buy some proper clothes).

They too had on sports bras, body stockings, pop socks and Bridget Jones’ pants all layered and mismatched. It was quite an ugly spectacle to behold. No wonder poor little North kicked off and had to be carried out!

Am I missing something and just an old fuddy-duddy?

Episode 29: Frightful Family….. — October 30, 2014

Episode 29: Frightful Family…..

In stark contrast to yesterday’s blog where I got all dressed up and no-one noticed, today I felt like the scruffiest, messiest person, (not to mention worst mother) who ever walked the earth!

This morning we all decided to go into town to pick up some more bits we needed for Halloween tomorrow. Miss Hap wanted some face paints, plus we needed to get a load more sweets for the hordes of Trick or Treaters, and some other odds and ends.

Miss Hap took her time getting ready, and eventually joined me and Mr Grump downstairs, but her long, thick hair was unbrushed and matted. I told her to brush it before we went out, but the usual palaver ensued and I ended up grabbing the Tangle Teezer and set about it myself! Half and hour later and I still hadn’t got through it. I was really mad, getting more and more hot and bothered, Miss Hap was complaining, and Mr Grump was wild as he hates waiting about when he has been ready for ages (as do I)!…

We have this performance every morning, As lovely and thick as Miss Hap’s hair is, she is unable to manage it properly herself, especially as it is halfway down her back. Granted, it does look gorgeous when it is all brushed, but for the 10 minutes that it stays knot-free, it is just not worth the hassle. I told Miss Hap that it is now time to get it cut. I was not going to keep going through this hassle day in,day out, and if she could not control it then, it was time for the chop!

Oh this did not go down well at all, but I was so cross by now that i left a two-inch section of matting in the back of her hair and we headed off out….

We got our shopping, but just out of the blue as we were about to leave Miss Hap said that perhaps she will get her hair cut after all. Before she could change her mind, we did a swift about-turn and headed for the nearest salon where there was no appointment needed. As luck would have it, we didn’t have to wait that long. There were two young stylists and only one customer, so Miss Hap was seen straight away. I explained to the young and trendy stylist, the problems we were having with my daughter’s hair and that she would like it cut. The stylist recommended a style that would be easy to manage and  shoulder length, so it wasn’t too short which suited everybody,….

However, her face soon changed when she saw the huge clump at the back of Miss Hap’s hair, and her and the other stylist exchanged appalled glances, as I cringed with embarrassment. I tried to reassure them that I did brush t everyday, but although they smiled and nodded, I knew they thought I was neglectful! “I’ll have to wash it” the stylist stated, daring me to argue with her, which of course I wasn’t, (I think she thought that she would give my poor daughter a treat as her hair had obviously never been washed before)! “That’s fine” I replied as she balefully wielded a larger Tangle Teezer through Miss Hap’s tousled mop! It was agreed that I would leave Miss Hap there whilst me and Mr Grump went for coffee at the cafe next door (he, in fact was already there having claimed his favourite table outside)!

I sat down in the sunshine that had appeared from nowhere. I explained to Mr Grump that Miss Hap was going to be about 45 mins as she was having wash, cut and blow dry, and then I was going to nip in for a quick trim afterwards.  Oh that didn’t please him at all, especially as it meant he would have to carry around all the bags plus my hoodie (I was too hot now the sun had come out) for an hour longer. “Just give me a bit and brace and a couple of saddlebags and I’m sorted” he moaned, This just made me laugh as poor packhorse Mr Grump would probably end up with a few more bags if we were to spend extra time in town…..

Anyway, we trotted around a bit more before it was time to pick up Miss Hap….she looked beautiful. Her hair looked sleek, shiny, and the length suited her perfectly. So now it was my turn. I sat in the chair in front of the mirror and recoiled at the dreadful image that faced me. Christ, do I really look that old and haggard?…My hair which was also a bit knotty (although I had brushed it) looked fried and frazzled. Although recently re-dyed, the roots looked ‘black’ as pointed out to the stylist by an ever-helpful Miss Hap, who was feeling superior now her hair had been tamed into submission.

I had not bothered to try to style my hair, nor had I put on any make-up, in fact I rarely wear it nowadays. I had painted my nails black in preparation for Halloween tomorrow, but to be honest, after looking at myself in that mirror, all I needed were a couple of Rice Krispies to stick on as warts, and I would have made the prefect old hag! The kids would be bloody terrified!

As I was not expecting to get my hair cut and Mr Grump was already crabby, I opted for a dry trim, which although looked tidier did not disguise the frizzy , candy floss appearance. I quickly paid for our haircuts, and got out of there! God knows what that hairdresser must have thought of us, what with Miss Hap’s matted,clumpy hair, (oh, and I noticed when we got home that she had been walking around with a hole in the arse of her leggings as well); my  bleached blonde disastrous locks (not sure whether I looked like an old tart or an old witch, either way, neither is very flattering); and Mr Grump, his skinny frame laden with bags, and hound-dog expression. She must have thought Halloween had come early!

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