Today’s word for Linda’s Just Jot it January is ‘compelled.’ Hmmm! I am a person who, throughout their life, has never been good at saying no. If anyone asked me to do anything for them, I would always oblige as I liked to please and make people happy. The problem with this, though, is after a while, it becomes too much.
Sometimes I might not want to babysit, or go to the shops, or give someone a lift somewhere, or work overtime as I had my own things to do, but because I had always done it for so long, saying no didn’t seem right. I felt compelled to carry on as I had done, not wanting to disappoint anyone.
After a while, though, resentment sets in. I started feeling like a doormat, which really was of my own making. It was me that was putting the pressure on myself to do things. I would feel so guilty if I felt I had let someone down by not being able to do the favour that they asked me. I would do it then rant and rave about it to my husband, who would tell me not to do it then.
So, eventually, I did start saying no occasionally. I am still a bit of a pushover at times, but certainly nowhere near as much as I used to be!
You don’t feel so good about it if you are obliged to do something, that’s for sure sis!
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You are right there, Sis. 🙂
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😊
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You are a very lovely and kind lady, Judy. ❤️❤️❤️ Hope the others will stop asking you for help. ☺️
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This sounds so very familiar to me. For a long time I was running for others not because I wanted to but because I felt obliged to. And that were people who never were nice to me. So I felt chained and forced. Until that moment came when I realized that I was entitled to say NO. I don’t even need explanations or justify anything and it even doesn’t matter whether they understand or not. I was able to say no and did not feel guilty at all. And from that moment on a YES felt so much better, because it came from my heart.
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I agree, there comes a time when you just have to say NO for your own sake. It does feel good too! 🙂
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It feels damn good!!!! 😎
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It has been rather easy for me to say No, perhaps because I was brought up like that. Since I have been an adult and married, my husband who just cannot say No has somewhat rubbed on me and I cannot say No so much these days- call it degradation or de-evoluation or whatever. These days, when I do say No, I am quite proud of myself.
Susie
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It is liberating when you manage to say No, in the end. 🙂
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I hear you. In this one month I have managed to say NO more times than I did the whole of last year. Moments of pride.:-)
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Yes, indeed, Deb 🙂
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It is good to say NO and not feel guilt. I try hard not to be “Compelled” to say Yes when I know my gut does not want me too. But darn that Guilt feeling!
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That is my biggest problem. the guilt! 🙂
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Practice. Practice. Practice. Good on you.
I know what you mean, but sometimes there is no way around it and you might say ‘yes’ again. Or not.:-D
Great subject to chew on. 😀
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I know, I still get roped into things now and again! 🙂
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Took me a long time. I had to practice, practice, practice and I still fail too. *sigh* 😀 😀
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It seems it does take a lot of practice, and determination. 😉
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I’m nothing if not determined and I see you are too. 😀
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Oh, yes! 🙂
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I’m compelled to say yes more often than I really want to as well. It’s difficult, because we’re taught to be helpful and kind to others. But, sometimes, we need to recognize when it’s not helpful or kind to ourselves to be too busy and stressed. It’s a lesson I’m still learning. 🙂
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Me too, Tonya! I am getting a bit better at it though! 🙂
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I think the more we say “no” the more comfortable it feels. 🙂
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Yes, especially if we don’t get any negativity from the person we said no to.
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Good point.
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Ugh. Yes.
It’s still a constant battle, and I got good at saying no in my 30’s! It’s hard to undo a lifetime of being taught to think of others first.
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Yes. It really is!
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Saying no can be harder than just doing it sometimes! Good for you for saying enough! A lesson I need to learn myself. 😛
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Well, I am still not that good at it yet 🙂
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And you may never be. But even the occasional no can feel anywhere from a relief to a victory. 🙂
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Too true 🙂
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I find it hard to say ‘No’, too, Judy! I can relate with your thoughts because that’s how I felt, sometimes. It’s like I compel myself to this and do that, but after doing so, resentment kicks in.
I am glad you learned to say no now, I guess I have learned that too. 🙂
Have a great week, Edwina!
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Thank you so much Rose. I am glad that you have learned to say No too. 🙂
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Yes, I am gradually learning. 🙂
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Before I retired, I learned to say no at work, then slide down (up?) To yes. My daughter has learned to sweet talk me and I feel compelled to say yes to her for some reason.
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Ay yes, our children can always get around us! 🙂
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Judy E Martin
Hello, and thanks for stopping by. I am Judy, in my (very) early fifties and decided that life definitely gets more interesting as it goes on! I am a wife and a mum and have just finished University as a Registered Nurse, after having worked as an Associate Practitioner in the NHS. I am also a poet and the author of my debut book, 'Rhymes of the Times.' I love to laugh, and I love rhyming words too, so I joined the two together, and my book was born. I am currently working on another book in the series also. I am a prolific blogger and enjoy writing funny stories, anecdotes, and anything really that takes my fancy.
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