Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 102: Food For Thought…. — January 14, 2015

Episode 102: Food For Thought….

I have a bit of an addiction

This really is not very good

Now that I’ve given up smoking

I’ve become more attracted to food

It gives me the comfort I’m seeking

It is there when I need it the most

I can never resist a steak dinner

Or perhaps a traditional roast!

I am also partial to takeaway

I love chicken curry and rice

Or cod and chips from the chippy

Always goes down rather nice

I wish I wasn’t so greedy

As I’m putting on more and more weight

My portions are always so generous

I need a much smaller plate!

I am on the road to redemption

I’m starting to gain some control

I’ve started to eat much more healthily

And have ditched the pies and the rolls

I really have to stop snacking

This will help me along in my quest

To finally kick this addiction

And get me looking my best!

Guest Blog for HarsH ReaLiTy —
Episode 101:Happiness is….. — January 13, 2015

Episode 101:Happiness is…..

Some things that make me feel happy

I can name quite a few

The chill of a crisp autumn morning

A bowl of steaming  hot stew.

The stars that twinkle so brightly,

Going for a swim in the sea

Having a laugh with my family

Drinking a huge mug of tea!

The gorgeous scent of yellow roses

Snuggling up in my bed

Showing off a new hairstyle

Discussing a good book that I’ve read.

Getting a kiss from my daughter

A beautiful sunny, hot day

Soaking in a bath full of bubbles

Bidding for things on eBay!

Cuddling up with my husband

Writing posts for my blog

Hearing my favourite music

Getting welcomed home by the dog

All of these pleasures are simple

But each means the world to me

It’s true what the old proverb tells us

The best things in life are free!

Episode 100: What Music Defines Your Life? —

Episode 100: What Music Defines Your Life?

Here we are at my 100th Episode! I have decided that this one is going to be an upbeat and positive one! No mention of anxiety or weight gain allowed! Focus on the happy, that’s the order of the day! As you may already know, music is something that makes me happy, and I have taken my inspiration for today’s episode from my local radio station! One of the presenters chats to a guest about music throughout their life, and I am going to write my take on it!

On the day that I was born, ‘These Boots Are Made For Walking’ by Nancy Sinatra was number 1 in the UK charts. A good strong song, by a feisty woman,  with a  no-nonsense message! That’ll do for me; even if I still quite haven’t got the degree of feistiness that she has yet! I am getting there though. I am not as shy, by any means, as I was, and have become much more assertive.

One of the first records that I bought with my pocket-money was ‘Morning side of The Mountain’ By Donny and Marie Osmond.That was probably influenced by my older sister who worshipped the Osmonds,  Donny in particular. I did however, love them as well, and luckily, as she was older than me and could afford to buy their albums, I spent many a happy time with her listening to them.

As a little footnote to that story, about 10 years ago, Donny was performing at Leeds Castle, which was not too far away from where we live, My sister and her friend had got tickets, and invited me to go with them. It was wonderful. Beautiful surroundings on a balmy summer evening (no, it didn’t rain). He had a few large screens up which showed pictures of his family as they were then (which made me cry when I saw how old they all looked). The mostly middle-aged female crowd of around 6500, still swooned, and crooned along with him, singing his most popular numbers.

As a teenager, I was into all sorts of music, but I particularly remember ‘Since You’ve Been Gone’ by Rainbow, as well as Meatloaf’s ‘ Bat out Of Hell’ album. My Mum and step-dad used to go away at weekends sometimes in their caravan by themselves. My older sister and brother would look after us, which was great as we would inevitably have a house party! I remember extremely loud music, loads of teenagers, and a lot of smoking and drinking going on! However, it was pretty innocent really, as we never got busted.

I left home at 18 to join the army, which is where I originally met Mr Grump. For me ‘Love Is A Battlefield’ and ‘We Belong’ by Pat Benetar pretty much summed up our relationship back then! I also used to listen to a lot of Bruce Springsteen with my best mate Karen as well. She was responsible for Mr Grump and I getting back together 25 years later!

The song at my wedding to Miss Hap’s father was ‘Eternal Flame’ by the Bangles. a beautiful song, and it was a good day; unfortunately  though,the flame went out!

When I was in labour with Miss Hap, my two sisters were with me in the delivery room. It was a boiling hot evening around 11pm and I knew my daughter was about to be born. We had brought some CDs in with us to while away the hours, and for a bit of distraction. Anyway, as Miss Hap came into this world Tom Jones was belting out ‘It’s Not Unusual’. Probably not the first choice for many, but I love that number!

My step-dad was very good with Miss Hap when she was a baby, I had moved back home with him and Mum just before she was born, and they both doted on her. He would proudly push her pram around the town when we went out, and was very good at soothing her when she cried (or bellowed, as she was VERY loud)! Sadly, he became ill with lung cancer and died when my daughter was only 4 years old . My Mum chose ‘ The Power of Love’ by Jennifer Rush for the funeral. A very emotional song that is still quite hard to listen to.

Mr Grump and I decided that we would have a small, family wedding, and luckily for us, my brother-in-law is a very good musician and singer. We chose ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol as one of the songs we would like him to sing for us, which was wonderful. He also sang ‘Hotel California’ by the Eagles which we all love, and everyone sang along. A very touching moment. He and my sister recorded it for our 1st anniversary which was brilliant.

My Dad always loved the musical ‘The Phantom of the Opera’. I think he and my step-mum had been to see it several times. When he sadly died a couple of years ago, she chose a couple of the songs from it for his funeral. However, for me, it was the hymn ‘Going Home’ that was more poignant, as well as very apt.

I know I said I was going to be upbeat, and yet  I have included some songs that have been at terribly sad occasions. However, they still evoke happy memories of  two men that were very influential and positive figures in my life. It’s funny how we associate songs with people as well as events in our lives.

I hope you have enjoyed my little musical trip down memory lane.

Episode 99: Grumpy Old Git!!! — January 12, 2015

Episode 99: Grumpy Old Git!!!

Today has been a bit hectic

My emotions all over the show

One minute I’m laughing and joking

The next I am feeling so low

But there is one thing that is constant

My husband, good old Mr Grump

No mood swings, forever changing

Just ALWAYS down in the dumps!

He likes a bit of complaining

He mutters and curses away

This bitterness started appearing

Just after his 50th Birthday!

He starts off every morning

Getting out of the wrong side of bed

That sets him off in a bad mood

For the rest of the day ahead!

But deep down he is a big softy

And his bark is worse than his bite

He has his wonderful moments

Which often do come to light

He gets teased by me every second

I laughed when he cut his bald head

As he shaved it to make it look smoother

Then put tissue on when it bled!

So together we make a good couple

And with Miss Hap, that makes us a three

We bumble along in our own way

– Dysfunctional harmony!

Cut Head

Episode 98: Facing Facebook! —

Episode 98: Facing Facebook!

Good old Facebook. It has many good qualities, such as sharing news, keeping up to date with family and friends etc, but it does have its downside as well. Especially if say, a family member has a particularly awful photo of you, and they decide to share it on Facebook so everyone gets to see you in all your glory…..

Coincidentally, I have just been passing messages with Tonya from Fourth Generation Farmgirl regarding the pic she posted of herself wrapped up against the cold. She told me that her husband had posted it on Facebook as well. I laughed as I have a niece who likes to post photos on Facebook, who me and my sister often tell off, as there is yet another unflattering pic of us posted for all to see.

I remember  one of the first pics she posted was of me wallowing about on the beach next to my ex-husband, who had rather colourful and unflattering swimming trunks on! I was not happy, especially as I worked at a secondary school at the time it was posted; some of the kids saw it, and I got a bit of ribbing for it!

She also put one on of me and my older sister doing a bit of karaoke (when it was first popular in the UK, back in the 80’s). It was Christmas time, and I was dressed all in gold! (I always like a bit of sparkle at Christmas, but this was a bit much by anybody;s standards.  I think I had recently had my hair done as well as it looks rather curly which it is not normally. Anyway, here for your amusement is said pic. (I have cut out my sister as she would kill me)!

80's pic

Now my niece is beautiful, (in fact all of my nieces are) and along with that, very photogenic so there is never a dreadful picture of her; she also has a very good dress sense (Thank God she doesn’t get that from her Auntie)! I however look horrendous in photos, particularly now as I have put on a lot of weight in the last few years.

I hate my photo being taken, and I have tried to pick out the best of a bad bunch to put up on Facebook. However, today I have just been on there and I noticed that my niece had put up an old pic of herself, which apparently was her first profile picture. Of course it is a lovely pic, and she has nominated me to do the same!

Well I did find my first profile pic, and I have put it up on Facebook. In fact, I had no objections at all. The reason being is  I look a damn sight better than I do now! In fact, when I came across that pic earlier on today, (it was taken just after my 40th birthday) I cried my eyes out! It doesn’t  look like me anymore. I realise that I have changed so much in just 8 years.

In fact at my doctor’s appointment today (Still trying to sort out my anxiety), one of the things he asked me to do was to work really hard at losing weight over the next 6 weeks before I go back to see him again. So, I am using that old profile pic as my kick up the arse to get myself motivated to lose that weight, and get back to being me again!

Episode 97: Messy Miss Hap! — January 11, 2015

Episode 97: Messy Miss Hap!

My daughter’s room is disgraceful

There are clothes all over the floor

Her school bags are chucked in a corner

And you can’t even open the door!

Her linen is rumpled and crumpled

And piled in a heap on the bed

The poor old goldfish neglected

If it wasn’t for me it’d be dead!

Her keyboard stands right in the centre

It’s lead still plugged into the wall

The bin’s overflowing with rubbish

This mess just won’t do at all.

Well it’s time that she got it all tidied

I’m sick of having to moan…

And nag her to clean up her bedroom

Or I’ll confiscate her iPhone!

The threat worked, and the room is tidy……for now!

Episode 96: Posting No 101…. — January 10, 2015

Episode 96: Posting No 101….

I just had a notification that the last post I did was my 100th. It’s typical of me that I didn’t realise, and let it slip by unnoticed so I thought I would celebrate my 101st post instead!

I am very thankful to those that have read my blog; it’s always a pleasure to interact with people, read their comments, and opinions and build up a rapport with them.

I have found a whole new world here in the blogosphere. There are so many wonderful blogs, funny ones, sad ones, informative ones, creative ones,not to mention racy ones (I must have led a sheltered life)!  All of them have something to offer, and had I not started blogging, I would have missed out on all of these.

I have encountered some lovely people as well. Different characters that have cheered me up, made me howl with laughter, brought a tear to my eye, or made me see things in a different way…very inspirational.

Anyway, I am still very much a novice, and am learning all the time, but I feel like I am starting to settle into this wonderful community. Thanks for making me feel welcome.

How to handle Stress —

How to handle Stress

I came across this post By Carole Parkes. Very true, but I need to remember to put the glass down.

caroleparkes's avatarAuthor -Carole Parkes

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?”

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Answers called out ranged from 8 oz to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued, ” The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for…

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Episode 95: Laughter Is The Best Medicine…. —

Episode 95: Laughter Is The Best Medicine….

I love to laugh, and I feel that I have a good sense of humour. However, I do have an unfortunate tendency to burst out laughing at inopportune moments….

Being in nursing, there are plenty of opportunities for inappropriate laughing. During handover one morning whilst the night nurse was handing over a male patient, she mentioned that he had a severely ‘swollen scrotum.’ Now I am sure this poor patient did not find his condition at all funny, but I thought it was worth a bit of a snigger, being as childish as I am at times.

I shouldn’t have laughed because guess who had to go to theatres and ask them for a ‘scrotal sling?’ Yep, you guessed it. and off I trotted. Now theatres staff are not the friendliest for some reason. I remember once having to go there as my uniform had got some rather nasty brown marks on it (Someone had just been given prep for a colonoscopy, and didn’t quite make it to the loo…you get the picture). Anyway I asked if I could borrow some scrubs; I got a disdainful look when I showed them my lovely stains, which I took an exception to. So, I said to them, “It’s ok, it’s not my shit.” Scrubs were handed over and I hotfooted it out of there pronto!

Now, back to this sling. My initial request was greeted with a blank stare! When asked to elaborate, I got a bit tongue-tied as I had never seen one myself. Other nearby staff also decided to chime in with their thoughts on the matter,  and after a lot of argy-bargy, one was found. I presented it to the Sister with a flourish, only to be told to go and fit it myself! No chance! I found the Charge Nurse and told him I needed to watch how he did it. Sorted!

One other episode during handover also made me laugh. Again it was to do with a male patient who had been making sexually inappropriate comments and overtures to the female nurses (bless him, he had to be at least 80, and even if the mind was willing…the body wasn’t able). Anyway this nurse that had handed over, was our previous temporary Ward Manager who had just retired but had come back to do the odd Agency shift. She was very well spoken and rather no-nonsense, and she said that when she had gone to see him he was totally fine with her; she then added,

“I mustn’t have been his type as he obviously didn’t fancy me!”

One of the doctors we have that comes to the ward is very glamorous and likes to wear high heels. (God knows how she walks about in those all day). She had come to see a very poorly patient, and I pointed out to her whereabouts this patient was. She walked into the bay, skidded on the shiny floor and went flat on her face! Now I didn’t actually see her fall, but I heard the racket of the stuff she knocked off the patient’s table, crashing to the floor,  as she went down. Luckily she was unhurt, as I had nipped behind the nurse’s station to stifle my laughter.

I’ve lot count of the amount of times that a patients has broken wind (loudly) just as you stand them up to walk them to the loo or something. Sometimes they are oblivious to it, but if they heard it, then I usually joke that a bit of jet propulsion should speed up our journey, or some such thing.

Lastly, as well as loving to laugh, I also love words, so puns and spoonerisms are things that can always get me laughing. Our male charge nurse is constantly coming out with all kinds of things that are inappropriately funny which certainly brighten up my day; The latest one that I can remember, is when he did a great play on Whitton Tank, where a patient was being discharged to. (Just in case you didn’t get it, T**s and W**k)!

If like me, you love innuendo, double entendre and toilet humour, then nursing had more than it’s fair share of laughs!

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