Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Man’s Best Friend, The Remote Control! — April 5, 2018

Man’s Best Friend, The Remote Control!

What is it with men and the TV remote control?  I am sure they think it is an extension of themselves, (another appendage or something) because trying to separate the two is nigh on bloody impossible!

When I was growing up, we only had four channels on the TV.  To turn it over, you had to get up off the settee, go over to the television and push the knob or button to turn it over.  Seeing as there was such little choice in TV programmes,  and no one could be bothered to keep getting up to turn over, it typically stayed mostly on one favourite channel.  My step-dad was the one who always chose that channel. As Mum was not that bothered. She liked to watch similar things to him, anyway.  We all watched what he wanted, and that was the end of it!

He couldn’t believe his luck as television became more sophisticated, and there was a remote control to play with (or ‘clicker’ as he liked to call it).  When cable TV came along, and there were extra channels to watch, it was a dream come true for a ‘Telly Addict’ like my step-dad.  He loved nearly all sports, had a fondness for a Spaghetti Western, became hooked on one or two soaps, and finally vociferously joined in with the quiz shows.  Oh God, he would berate the hapless contestants (Family Fortunes being his favourite) for their stupidity. He would SCREAM the answers out to the fools that couldn’t answer, repeating them louder and louder as if they could hear him, which used to drive me mad!  However, I always laughed when he said, “Goodnight” to the newscaster before he went to bed (my Nan used to do that as well)!!

The thing that was most annoying though was if, by chance one of us kids managed to get hold of the clicker and put Top Of The Pops or something on before he settled down for the evening.  We would be halfway through watching it,  only for him to come in, pick up the clicker and turn it over!  He did not care if we were in the middle of something, he would just flick it over.   We actually tried to hide the sodding clicker on occasion, but he would go ballistic turning everything upside down until someone found it.

I have discovered that my husband is also a remote control hogger!  (I think it has something to do with middle age, but I wouldn’t know, as I am not there yet).  I’ll be watching something, and when the adverts come on, he starts flicking about through the channels. I ask him to turn it back but by the time he does, my programme has already begun, and I have missed the first 2 minutes of it.  He also loves to mess about with the menus, so you end up watching a 2×2 inch square for 20 minutes or until he has figured out how to do whatever it is he wants to do!

I can see the similarities between my husband now, and how my step-dad was back then. The armchair (no one else is allowed to sit in it as it is in the best spot for seeing the TV), a handy table nearby on which to rest the obligatory cup of tea, and slippers waiting at the bottom of the chair.  The only difference is my stepdad’s ashtray on the table, and my husband ’s pouffe to put his feet up.  Other than that two peas in a pod, just 20 years apart!

Who has the remote in your house?

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New Easter Outfits — April 4, 2018

New Easter Outfits

At Easter I don’t usually buy my daughter much chocolate, I usually end up buying her clothes, a new outfit or some pyjamas. Now that he is nearly 15  I tend to give her some money to get something as of course, being a mum I have no idea about fashion and God forbid that I should dare to give her anything handmade!

However, as you know, I love making little outfits for my great nieces and I thought Easter was the perfect time to make some more. As they are so young, they don’t complain that the styles may not be ‘designer’ or the latest trend. I have also found it very therapeutic and it a strange way it helps me to relax (despite all the swearing and tantrum throwing when I have to unpick something I have put together upside down or inside out)!

Having a bit of time on my hands before I start back at Uni, I have knocked up a few little bits for them for summer (assuming we get any).

Easter outfits
Ooops, I did it again! — April 2, 2018

Ooops, I did it again!

I am the undisputed queen of ‘putting my foot in it’, literally as well as figuratively! I seem to attract calamities, disasters and ooops moments with hardly any effort, and can make a fool of myself without any help, or encouragement whatsoever!

Often it is because I have misheard something, particularly on the phone. Once  I have asked the person on the other end to repeat themselves a couple of times, to make sure I heard correctly, I then confidently pass on the message, only to be greeted with a baffled look or stunned silence. For example, I took a call for my boss (he could give Mr Grump a run for his money) when I had not long started at a travel brochure company, I put the call through and informed him it was Mr X from PMT. When he had reluctantly taken the call, he came out of his office and roared at me that the caller was from TNT (the courier service)! I had thought that PMT was a funny name for a company but being new, what was I to know)?! Ooops!

In my younger days, I remember going out with my two sisters to a pub, I had dressed to impress, and we went to the bar to order our drinks. It was quite packed, but luckily there was an unoccupied bar stool next to me so I thought I would make use of it. Being a little short, I had to hike myself up a bit to get on it. Once I had plonked myself down, I realised I was not on it properly as it tilted dangerously to one side. As I attempted to right myself, I just ended up twirling around and around on one stool leg at a time. My sisters and some random bloke put their arms out to try to steady me, which eventually they managed to do. However, my pulling power was significantly reduced (actually it was zero), and we got out of there pretty soon after!

Weddings are the place where people like me can really shine in the glow of embarrassment! My sister and brother-in-law had a beautiful January wedding in a country house where we all stayed. As luck would have it, the weather was pretty clear on this day, and we went outside to have some group photos taken. I was really pleased with my outfit, but especially the expensive purple four-inch stiletto shoes which really set it off! As we were gathering for the family photo, my lovely shoes seemed to turn into ice skates on the decking where we were standing. I was slipping and sliding, falling madly with my arms windmilling, trying to keep my balance as I hurtled my way towards the rest of the group. The gasps and guffaws of the onlookers intensified my mortification, but I did manage to stay upright!

Ooops I did it again!
Just after I went skating on the decking in my high heels!

At my niece’s wedding breakfast after the speeches, I was to read out a poem that I had specially written for her and her husband.(It is something I have done for years for any special family occasion), Even though I am no public speaker and get really nervous, I got up to recite my poem.  Everyone was giving me encouraging looks as I started reading with my voice shaking. As I continued, I realised that my fancy headband was slipping a bit. I tried to surreptitiously push it back up and carry on, but I jerked a little bit, and it fell off with an almighty clatter onto the table, thus drowning out my words! I waited for the laughter to die down and carried on, cringing!

These are just a few of the many little trials I face on an almost daily basis. Even at work, I am not immune. I have tripped over more Zimmer frames than I care to remember, cleaned up countless puddles, where I have knocked over washbowls or jugs of water and gouged out tracks in the polished floor where I hadn’t taken the brake off the weighing scales properly when wheeling them along the entire length of the corridor! Luckily my colleagues know what I am like after all this time, but I remember when I hadn’t been there that long. I was walking along the corridor back to the ward from the toilets when the ward sister behind me called me and informed me that I had got my dress tucked into my knickers thereby showing off my big bum to all and sundry…Ooops!!!

My Favourite Fashions — March 29, 2018

My Favourite Fashions

[social_warfare buttons=” “]This post is one from the archives of my now defunct blog Edwina’s Episodes.

I came across the Daily Posts Prompt for today which was to write about fashions that you love, and what era they come from.

I am sure most of you know by now that I love the 80’s! Now, I actually like the music from that era, but at the time, I embraced the whole lot. The clothes, and the hairstyles, I even tried the make-up too, but I have never been skilled in that department, and the 80s makeup called for a lot of colour and a few hours to spare!!

The one thing I have always loved (and still do) is a bit of sparkle. If it has glitter and/or sequins then I am going to love it. At Christmas in particular, I would probably end up looking more garish than the Christmas tree fairy! As you can see from the photo, I was decked out in top to toe gold! The long, pleated skirt and vest top was made of this kind of smooth, slippery material. My hair was the result of a failed ‘spiral perm’ that was popular in the day, and the colour seemed to match perfectly with my outfit!

My Favourite Fashions
I look like I ought to be basted and put in the oven…

I seem to remember wearing a lot of shiny dresses in the 80s of bright, vivid colours, banana yellow being a particular favourite. There was a lot of variety around at the time, as I also used to love my frilly shirts, jeans and pixie boots. The jeans had red piping down the side, and we used to have these canvas belts of all colours that we would wear too.

Of course, there were ‘ra-ra’ skirts too. although I did have one of these I was not too keen as they didn’t seem to flatter anyone, and certainly made me look pretty dumpy.

Although my school was pretty strict, especially with regards to uniform, I did manage to get away with wearing a pair of grey corduroy trousers that I had taken in to make them even more of a ‘drainpipe’ style than they already were. Other than that I wore a pencil skirt, but me being me, got told off for ripping the split that was in the back of it even higher. I never was ladylike,  always running up stairs two at a time, with no thought for the confines of the skirt!  This led to more sewing when the teachers noticed and I got told off.

Looking back, some of the fashions seem so ridiculous now, but at the time I was in my element!

Don’t You Just Hate it When?….13 Niggles That Wind Me Up! — March 27, 2018

Don’t You Just Hate it When?….13 Niggles That Wind Me Up!

We all have those moments in life. You know, the little niggles that serve no purpose other than to make your day just that little more frustrating. Here are some of the things that really wind me up……

  • You have taken ages styling and straightening your hair (or have just been to the hairdressers) then get caught in a rainstorm (with no brolly)!
  • You get an unexpected cash windfall – then your car breaks down and is going to cost a fortune to repair. Those shoes will have to wait.
  • It’s taken ages to get off to sleep, but just as you feel yourself slipping off, you have a desperate urge to go to the loo.
  • You have spent ages cleaning the bathroom, and someone wants to have a bath.
  • You’re excited about the perfect gift you have bought for someone’s birthday – and find out someone else has bought it as well.
  • You save up for ages to buy something expensive, only to find it is in the sale a few days later!
  • You are invited to a friend’s house, and knock coffee all over her pristine carpet.
  • Your other half has mixed the loads in the washing machine again. Grey bras are not attractive!
  • You are desperate to go to the loo when you get to work, then realise there is no loo roll AFTER you have already been!
  • You realise you can’t walk in those gorgeous high heels that you just bought.
  • You go to use your best mascara only to find your daughter has been ‘practicing her make-up skills’ with it, and there is none left,
  • You go to read an old favourite book, only to remember you loaned it to someone ages ago!
  • You start to write a blog post and run out of ideas half-way through!!

What little niggles wind you up?

Spring is Coming — March 21, 2018

Spring is Coming

Longer days are coming

Bright and sunny early dawns

Nature shrugs off winter

As it stretches and it yawns

Waking from a slumber

Dusting off the gloom

Time to come alive now,

To blossom and to bloom

Spring has brought new outfits

For all the naked trees

Flowers are making pollen

To please the busy bees

Birds are coming home now

It time to meet a mate

It looks like spring is coming

And I for one, can’t wait!

Blogger’s Bash Blog Post Competition A Royal Party. — March 19, 2018

Blogger’s Bash Blog Post Competition A Royal Party.

I have just about managed to get my entry in on time for the Blogger’s Bash Competition with the theme of ‘Royalty.’  I hope you enjoy this bit of silliness.

Charlie was hosting a party for the wedding of Harry, his son

“To hell with stuffy formalities, I want this party to be fun!

A rollicking frolicking, knees up, chance to let down one’s heir for a while

I will show that young Meghan Markle, we royals can party with style.

Now, what about the guest list? I’d better invite Mum and Dad

Anne and Eddie and of course Randy Andy, he still thinks that he’s Jack the Lad

And who can forget Camilla?  My beloved trouble and strife

She loves a bop and a booze up, and a sneaky cig does my wife.

Kate and Wills will be desperate, to leave the kiddies at home

Wills can show off his ‘Dad Dancing’, so unbecoming for an heir to the throne!

Mike and Zara are bound to be up or it, Eugenie and Beatrice of course too,

Best I don’t invite Fergie, I can’t have her spoiling our do!

My Harry loves a good shindig, being a bit of a lad in his youth

Splashed all over the tabloids, drunken and acting uncouth.

Mind you, Dad is really no better, with the off-colour jokes that he makes

He dishes out plenty of insults, along with his many handshakes!

I need to choose some good music to make the party go with a swing

I hope they haven’t invited those Spice Girls, there’s only one of them that can sing!

There seems so much more to that Meghan, although she appears very nice

She is no shrinking violet, and has been around the block once or twice!

As long as they are both happy, which they seem to affirm

Then as Harry’s proud father, I will welcome her into ‘The Firm! ‘

Getting Back in the Saddle — March 13, 2018

Getting Back in the Saddle

Having taken a break from blogging for nearly a month, I am finding it a little tricky getting back into the saddle which I wasn’t expecting. I used to post almost daily about all kinds of subjects, yet now I find myself struggling for something to say.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure I could bore you all to tears talking about my nursing experiences, but I have already mentioned nursing lately, and I am wary of over-egging that pudding, instead, I will drip feed you slowly over a period of time. (Why does everything with me always come down to food analogies)?!

Speaking of which, I had my diabetic review (on my birthday as it turned out), and things seem to be a bit haywire there. My weight has gone up even more, as have my blood sugars (according to the Hba1c blood test), and my liver function is deranged (hopefully I will find out why when I speak to GP tomorrow although it could be to do with my weight). This is all rather ironic as I am trying to get myself into shape before (hopefully) qualifying as a nurse, (bugger, I said I wouldn’t mention nursing)!

I am going to really have to put a lot of extra effort into living a healthier lifestyle, and no doubt I will post about my trials and tribulations on the way. Well, that will certainly give me plenty to write about!

Letter to Self At the Start of my Nursing Degree — March 12, 2018

Letter to Self At the Start of my Nursing Degree

Just under a year ago I was getting excited preparing myself for embarking on my nursing degree.  This morning I had to go to Uni to discuss the past year with my tutor and get bits and pieces for the first year signed off. She gave me a letter that I had written to myself at the very start of the course. We were all asked to write them to see how our journey progresses, particularly in our first year.

Here is what I wrote, complete with typos!

Well, I am still going, and I have had a lot of support from my friends, especially those in my nursing and blogging community. I am starting to get very excited now about starting year 2 in just over a month. Sadly a few of the younger students have left the course for one reason or another but they have all gone on to do other things that suit them better. I wonder what challenges will be facing us this year?….

Geoff’s Poetic Sonnet — January 31, 2018
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