2015-03-21T13:03:15+00:00

Episode 235: Grumpy Dolly!

March 21, 2015/Judy E Martin/17 Comments

After yesterday’s solar eclipse non-event, (just for the record, this morning at the same time, the sun was out in all its glory) I decided that I would do something constructive with my day off. I haven’t done any sewing for a while, and being still fresh and enthusiastic from watching the ‘Great British Sewing Bee’ plus subscribing to a sewing magazine, I thought it was about time I tried my hand at making something new.

Now, I do not have a fantastic track record with my sewing endeavours,(if i did I would have a sewing blog, showcasing all of my wonderful creations), but I have managed to produce a couple of items that are actually wearable, and anyway practice makes perfect, so I dug around for a suitably ‘easy’ pattern, just to get myself back into the swing of things.

That sorted, I nagged Mr Grump to come with me to the other side of town to find the new fabric outlet that had recently opened. We eventually found it after trawling around the units on the industrial estate where they were situated (actually the bright pink painted wall outside helped)!

The friendly couple were very chatty and it turned out the lady knew my little sister ‘(the lovely lady with the long, blonde hair and fishtail plait. I get described usually as ‘the stocky one)’ as she used to buy her fabric from the shop my sister worked at some time ago. I bought some fabric and other bits and set off home to start work on it.

This dress is something you are supposed to be able to knock up in an evening, so I thought I would get a head start and cut the pieces out before Miss Hap came in from school. She was going to stay the weekend with my sister who has a caravan on the coast and we were taking her down there in time for dinner.

Anyway, I soon realised that I had miscalculated the amount of fabric needed and was short of about 3/4 of a metre. I was cross so poor old Mr Grump trotted off quickly before they closed (early on a Friday) to get the rest of it so I could get it done last night.

After a lovely visit with my sister and a catch-up we headed home for our dinner then I was going to start my dress. Usually I have my mannequin ‘Dolly’ handy to help me work things out and pin my creations to, but she has been banished to the shed as I have neglected for so long and Mr Grump was sick of her hanging around,

Mr Grump himself, decided to have a few drinks and put a bit of music on (probably to drum out the BBBBBRRRRRRR of the sewing machine), so he was quite happy, I, however was getting mad. I could not figure out how to put the zip in this dress, and after the fourth failed attempt, and the clock nudging midnight, had decided to take drastic action.

I commandeered Mr Grump to be my Dolly and plonked the dress on him. I just needed to figure out how the zip actually looked when worn, and he was on hand for me to see how to do it. Luckily he had a few drinks under his belt by then, and was suitably anesthetized against any stray pin pricks that my clumsy hands might have inadvertently inflicted on him.

It worked, as I did finally get the zip in, and the dress finished off. It is a bit lumpy and bumpy in places (probably due to me also being lumpy and bumpy in places), but overall I am rather pleased with it! Teamwork eh, isn’t it great?!

Episode 233: Cold Comfort!

March 19, 2015/Judy E Martin/26 Comments

What is it about PE at school that kids hate it so much? I was not very sporty at school, and hated hockey, but I did like tennis and athletics in the summer months as well as swimming, which I loved. I suppose it has a lot to do with the cold and rainy winters we get here.

I know the weather made no difference to PE lessons whatsoever, We would still go off for a cross-country run (I hated it), slipping about on the muddy paths, or squelching through rain-soaked fields, often losing a shoe in the process. Oh yes, I remember those days well.

It seems that they haven’t changed that much as Miss Hap is always moaning about having to do PE, but she has to get on with it as I did. I know some parents will write their children a note to try to get them excused by the teachers, but in my day it would have to be a bloody good one as a ‘tummy ache’ didn’t cut it!

Anyway, one young lady decided that she would persuade her mum to write her a sick note for PE as it was ‘too cold’ to participate. Her mum did as she was asked and sent her smug daughter off with the note sealed to be given in to the head. However, the contents of the note was totally opposite from what this young shirker wanted….

Her Mum had posted a copy of the note she actually sent on Facebook. She accused her daughter of being lazy and told encouraged the teacher to give her a couple of extra laps to ‘warm her up!’ I thought this was really funny. I don’t know whether or not the girl saw the Facebook letter or not but I bed that was a nasty surprise!

Episode 232: Eclipsed By The Weather!

March 19, 2015/Judy E Martin/25 Comments

I have been getting quite excited. Tomorrow there is going to be a partial eclipse of the sun, and from where I live in South East England, we should be able to see it 85% covered.

Now I remember 16 years ago when we had a total eclipse of the sun. I worked for a brochure distribution company in the offices, and the whole lot of us went outside to see this wonderful phenomenon; I was so glad to have been able to have experienced it.

Anyway, back to tomorrow. I was supposed to be working, but am owed some annual leave. I was thrilled when the boss said I could take it tomorrow as I have more chance of being able to go outside and look at the eclipse. I was cross with Mr Grump though as I had asked him to get me some of those special glasses so I can look at the sun without burning my eyes out and they have apparently ‘sold out’!

Never mind, no doubt I will find some way of seeing it with my eyes left intact! Or so I thought. Having just watched the evening news and weather forecast for 09:30 tomorrow morning when the big event takes place, I see that the weather is going to be very similar to today.

Grey, cloudy, drizzle, no sun, no bugger all! You can always rely on good old British weather to spoil an occasion!

Episode 230: Silly Sarcastic Sayings…..

March 18, 2015/Judy E Martin/7 Comments

I do love a bit of sarcasm, I really think it is highly underrated actually. I know it is ‘not big and it’s not clever’ (well actually sometimes it can be very clever, depends on the delivery) but I still use it nonetheless. I also appreciate it when others use it, as I love a cutting remark (in a jokey way).

For example, at work when going to bleed a patient, on asking one of the nurses whether they had good veins or not being told,

“A blind person wearing boxing gloves could get blood out of those veins!”

Another favourite of mine is one of Mr Grump’s sayings to Miss Hap at dinner time as he enquired

“Do you want chips with that ketchup?”

What about when you turn up somewhere soaking wet after being caught in the rain, and one person always pipes up,

“Oh is it raining out?” To which you reply

“No, I just love the bedraggled look!”

When in a group and you say something privately to someone, who then blurts it out loudly.

“Can you speak up a bit, I don’t think they heard you next door!”

When someone you know is wearing an outfit of clashing colours, or looks really scruffy and they get asked,

“Did you get dressed in the dark?”

As all of my family uses sarcasm regularly Miss Hap has picked up the habit and when she came home tonight in her PE kit, I said to her,

“Why on earth did you come home in your PE kit?”

To which she disdainfully replied,

“Because I had PE!”

Great! Ask a silly question…….

Episode 227: School Dinners: Making The Right Choice.

March 17, 2015/Judy E Martin/16 Comments

When Miss Hap started secondary school in September, we decided that she would have school dinners rather than packed lunches. I was really surprised when I learned that her thumb had to be scanned as the technology used to determine how much money was available for meals would be determined by her thumb print linking to the account I paid the money into for her meals.

This is such a far cry from when I was at school. At primary school I think parent gave the money direct to the school as I don’t remember giving anything in, At break time in the morning, all of the kids had a free quarter of a pint bottle of milk. This was not always cold, and I do remember it used to taste a little ‘tangy’ at times, but we drank it!

Funnily enough, we ate and drank everything given to us as there really was no choice! for our lunch (or dinner) as we called it, we had a hot meal which usually consisted of meat, two veg and potato of some kind, followed by a pudding.

It was all dished (or slopped) out by a large, surly dinner lady you did not dare argue with, You then sat at your table and pretty much ate all you could. You would get told off for not eating your greens and very often told to eat it whether you wanted to or not. Occasionally there were even ‘seconds’ where you could go up for another dollop of food if you felt brave!

In secondary school. I used to have a packed lunch that I had eaten way before lunch time and usually before break! I had a couple of jam, paste or sandwich spread sandwiches and that was it! No crisps, yogurt, fruit or drinks for us! Ooh no, there was a water fountain at school if we wanted a drink.

Now, school dinners are so much more sophisticated. They have a varied and extensive menu, almost like you would see in a restaurant. They can pick and choose what they want to eat and there is no-one standing over them telling t hem to ‘eat their greens’. Presumably, children are considered to be more educated on healthy eating than we were.

It’s funny though. I was never overweight as a child despite eating everything that was put in front of me, but nowadays we have a huge obesity problem in children!

Episode 225: Off Colour!

March 16, 2015/Judy E Martin/22 Comments

That’s it, it’s official, Mr Grump is banned from doing the washing! It appears that he is unable to distinguish ‘light’ from ‘dark’ colours, and my fancy underwear has suffered as a result!

Due to the fact that I come home from work with an assortment of ‘germs’, (we have only just cleared the Norovirus from the Ward), we usually put our washing on a reasonably hot wash, hopefully killing off any malingerers!

I usually try to put the loads on myself in order that they are properly sorted out thereby reducing the chances of colours running into each other. However, this weekend being Mother’s Day, I took the day off from the mundane chores. Big mistake!

Mr Grump’s strategy us to just put the entire contents of the washing bin in the machine on a 60 degree wash and see what happens! He has a penchant for living dangerously as far as my clothes are concerned, as this has happened before (always to my stuff I notice)!

Anyway, I had a really busy day at work today and came home tired. I noticed he had done the ironing which I was pleased about as I needed another dress for work tomorrow. Then I noticed. My lovely new underwear. I have only worn it a couple of times. It was a lovely light blue colour. It is now a grotty grey colour. I am bloody cross!

Actually, he is dropping me off at work tomorrow. Good. As he has the car, he can go into town and buy me some more. Well. at least I will gain something from it!

Photo credit. tosh comedy central. com

Episode 221: Happy Birthday To Poo!

March 14, 2015/Judy E Martin/10 Comments

What’s the best part of a birthday for you? The presents, celebrating with loved ones, or the good old birthday cake? Usually the cake is the star of the show. The lights are dimmed, as someone carries the cake proudly into the room, placing it in front of the Birthday Boy/Girl ready for them to blow out the candles and make a wish!

A lot of the time, the cake has been especially made. We have all seen the wonderful creations that are stunningly realistic of all manner of things; portraits of people, or perhaps buildings, objects, characters, flowers, all sorts of things.

Some people, however, take things a little bit too far in their birthday cake tributes. How would you fancy eating a cake that looked like someone had just vomited on it? Perhaps a loo seat containing a cakey turd, and rather disturbing fly? Not your thing? I know, most of us like animals, what about a ‘cat litter’ cake? A tray containing an assortment of poos (including one squashed down the side of the tray). Realistic? Very, but not very appetising.

There was a rather lovely cake shaped like a foot, complete with warts, (or is it verrucae)? and a fungal nail infection in the big toe! Charming, I’m sure. (I am curious to know whether or not it was a ‘cheese’ cake)!

Anyway, as much as I admire artistic and creative cakes (my sister is brilliant at making cakes), I’ll give the bodily fluids ones (yes there were others I was not brave enough to mention) a miss and stick to plain old traditional ones!

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When…..

March 14, 2015/Judy E Martin/19 Comments

Spring is definitely on the way here in the UK at the moment, We have even had a couple of consecutive pleasant days which is a sure sign that some of the following are going to happen…..

The good old barbecue will be dusted off and dragged into service due to the face that the sun shone for over an hour. (Yes, guess what we are having for dinner tonight?) It was lovely whilst I was at work, but of course now the sun has gone in and it has clouded over. By the time we get to cook all the goodies Mr Grump has bought the rain will probably be bucketing down! No matter.
The more macho of the men would have also dug their shorts out for the occasion too.Forget the fact that the temperatures are still pretty chilly, and we have had a bit of frost. That won’t bother them. They are determined to expose their pasty legs for all to admire (usually with a great big pair of boots on their feet, it’s not summer yet you know)!
Everywhere you look there are adverts for some miracle diet or another that will have you ‘bikini ready’ by the summer if you start now! That’s all well and good, and I have already started my diet, but that is one hell of a tall order! Mind you I might be baggy t-shirt and long shorts ready by the summer if I work really hard at it!
People have started to hang their washing on the line, so that it has that lovely ‘outdoor freshness’ appeal. Mine doesn’t. My garden gets the shade most of the day, and if I were to hang my washing out now it would be just as limp and damp when I brought it in as it was when I hung it out 8 hours earlier!
The local garden centres are starting to get busy now, People have decided that it is time to start planting things or doing a spot of DIY, This means that the frost will kill off many of the seedlings that have sprouted when that kicks in; also the A&E departments in the hospitals will be extra busy with the results of the DIY disasters!

Ahh yes, spring is such a wonderful time of year!

Episode 218: Organised Chaos Disorder!

March 13, 2015/Judy E Martin/12 Comments

I might have mentioned before that I am a bit of a creature of habit, and that I kind of like routines. Now, I don’t know whether I have just pressed something by accident or not but something bis different when I go to write a post!

It is putting me right out as everything is topsy turvy as well as being the wrong way around. The tags, categories etc have changed sides from right to left, and the space where I type my post has moved from top to bottom! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

In fact, the more I think about it, the weirder I realise it is really, being such a stickler for routine. I get up for work every day at the same time, have the same breakfast, leave for work at a set time, park in roughly the same place! Hmmm that seems a bit odd really! I know my work colleagues think I am mad, as I always get to work at least half an hour early so I can have a coffee and a chill out before the madness of the day sets in.

I suppose I don’t even realise I am doing it really (unless I stop to think about it) as it has become a habit. Mind you, any break in the link puts me right out! It might even take me ages to get back into the swing of things (Mr Grump keeps me in pitta bread for my breakfast so he doesn’t incur my wrath)!

Mr Grump is also a fan of the routine-oriented day though! He gets up (lovingly woken by me yanking the covers off him once I have opened the blinds, and takes the dog out before he goes to work. (We have a decided lack of spontaneity in our house you might have noticed)!

Thank God though for Miss Hap!! She gets up eventually after being called repeatedly, has no routine, is totally disorganised and just floats along in her own sweet way. She has no concept of time or urgency and drives me and Mr Grump round the bloody bend!!

I don’t know which is worse, being too regimented or being too lackadaisical!

Photo credit Oriental Daily

Episode 214: Imitation Is The Best Form of Flattery?

March 11, 2015/Judy E Martin/15 Comments

Many of us have seen something advertised, or admired something that a famous person has worn and wondered where we could get one. Now a lot of us don’t really have the budget to spend large amounts of money on the ‘designer’ version, so if we see a cheaper one we jump at it. We never learn do we?!

Now, eBay and Amazon very often have things that are similar in style to the original, but you really do have to be realistic about your expectations! For a start the materials used in the knock-off version may be a lot cheaper; fabric may be thinner and not hold its shape, or maybe it is a little more transparent than the original.

We all know that ‘you get what you pay for’. However, I did feel a bit sorry for one poor woman. She ordered a dress that was worn by an actress which was pretty revealing. Now this actress no doubt had access to stylists as well to help her look her best. The woman who bought the dress which was advertised as ‘soft, comfortable and breathable’ could not wait for it to be delivered.

As soon as it arrived she got straight into it. Being the type of dress it was, no underwear was required as it would spoil the look, but the buyer decided that pink slippers would be a wonderful accessory to showcase the outfit to the best advantage.

She must have been thrilled with how it looked as she immediately posted some pictures of herself on the seller’s website. I admire her, she is one brave woman!

Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Category: Life

Episode 235: Grumpy Dolly!

Episode 233: Cold Comfort!

Episode 232: Eclipsed By The Weather!

Episode 230: Silly Sarcastic Sayings…..

Episode 227: School Dinners: Making The Right Choice.

Episode 225: Off Colour!

Episode 221: Happy Birthday To Poo!

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When…..

Episode 218: Organised Chaos Disorder!

Episode 214: Imitation Is The Best Form of Flattery?

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