Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

#JusJoJan 2018. January 21st Silence — January 21, 2018

#JusJoJan 2018. January 21st Silence

I hope that you are enjoying my posts from Linda’s Just Jot it January as much as I am enjoying writing them.

Here is today’s prompt word.

Your prompt for January 21st, 2018, brought to you by the wonderful and talented Willow, is “Silence.” Use it any way you’d like in your post. And make sure you visit Willow at her blog, “Willowdot21” to read her post and say hi! Here’s her link:  https://willowdot21.wordpress.com/

I like a bit of silence at times, mainly when I am reading. In fact, if there is a lot of background noise then I can’t really concentrate, and I have to go back to it later when it is quieter. It is a similar story when I am trying to write. I can ‘tune out’ a little bit, but I much prefer a bit of peace and quiet, which is often why I enjoy the early mornings before anyone else gets up.

I often find that if I am in a room with lots of people and there are all sorts of noises going on, then I find it difficult to have a conversation as I can’t hear properly. All of the sounds seem to mingle into one, and I have to keep asking people to repeat themselves which is not great. Either that or I try and interject a few “yesses”  and nodding hoping they are in the right places! I am sure some people must think I am a bit odd or even worse, rude, but it is not intentional.

Having said all that, I hate awkward silences just as much if not more. Quite a few years ago now, I embarked on a bit of online dating, where I met several ‘interesting’ characters to say the least. One of these was a lovely guy who I met up with at an Indian restaurant around 6 pm. He had driven quite a way to meet up and appeared very pleasant when we introduced ourselves.

The restaurant was empty, just us two and a few members of staff who of course, outnumbered us. I know the restaurant wasn’t in the town centre, but I thought it would be busier than it was. I did attempt to make conversation as much as possible as he lapsed into silence, but it was embarrassing as the staff were hovering nearby waiting to cater to our every need. It was apparent we were on a date, I am sure and when the food came, we fell on it gratefully. It was one of the most awkward dates that I ever went on. We were both shy and would try blurting out something random to make conversation, (usually at the same time), then another deafening silence would ensue until one of us plucked up some courage to think of something else to say.

All of this to the amusement, no doubt of the waiting staff. It was odd really as once I get going, I am generally ok, but my mind just went completely blank.  Eating in total silence with just the scraping of cutlery against china and a bit of background music, was almost as bad, but at least neither of us made any horrible squelchy eating noises!

I don’t know what’s worse!

It’s So Awkward Being Me! — October 12, 2017

It’s So Awkward Being Me!

Don’t you just hate the type of women that always, without fail, manage to look perfect; from shiny, healthy, beautifully styled hair to their pedicured toenails! Unfortunately, I am not, and never will be one of those women, preferring to be awkward instead – but how I envy them!

Take how I dress for work, for example; aside from the very unflattering uniform, (which by the way, is the shade of grey that is achieved by putting a white and black item in the same wash on a high temperature; it looks dirty before I have even started). I never bother to wear any makeup (it would be pointless as I get soooo hot on the ward) and I usually put my hair up in a clip, so there is no styling involved. If I did make an effort to wear make-up and have some stylish up-do (which iI would have to get someone else to do anyway…I’m rubbish with hair),  then it would all be ruined within the first hour of me being there!

As I mentioned, I get boiling and, after a while of running around, the sweat is dripping down my face, which is bad enough (and embarrassing) without imagining what the result would look like if I had carefully made up my face. Not only would I have ghastly streaks down my face from rivulets of sweat spoiling the foundation, but no doubt, the mascara would run, causing hideous black, spidery smudges mingling with streaky foundation! ( I am there to try to help the patients feel better, not scare them into an early grave)!

Talking of work, I used to have a colleague called Jenny who was one of these perfect women. We used to work in the Operations department of a busy travel brochure company,  so could mostly wear what we wanted to work. On this particular day, she and I both turned up in identical outfits! We had on hot pink 3/4 trousers, a black top and black mules.

Neither one of us knew the other was going to wear the said outfit, and that was only the start of my humiliation!  Jenny is tall, willowy and blonde, and she looked fantastic. I am blonde, but that is where the similarity ends, as I am also short and chunky!  Needless to say, everyone commented on our outfits, and my other friend made it worse by calling us Bim and Bo (put it together and you get…the picture)!

Jenny and I became good friends, and used to go to the gym together during our lunch hour (why do I set myself up to fail)?! The day I  remember vividly (branded in my brain as one of THE worst embarrassing moments) started when both of us were on adjacent treadmills… We built up the speed until we were running. Just before ten minutes were up, I was gloating over the fact that  Jenny had slowed down and I had managed to keep up the pace! Well, we all know what pride comes before, and sure enough, I lost concentration and my footing.

I was flailing, desperately trying to stay upright..but no…BANG. I fell on the treadmill which was still going, and it resented my falling on it. So it spitefully chucked me right off and landed with a thud in a heap at the foot of one of the other exercise machines!

I sat there winded and rather red in the face, and my leg hurt and then, Oh no…here comes Mr Hunky Gym Instructor Guy. Great, I look like a right bloody fool. He comes over solicitously, helps me up and leads me off to the changing room to minister to my wounds, which I reluctantly showed him, ( I was dying of shame showing him my tree trunk legs, which were bruised and scraped)! No real damage was done so manfully (or womanfully) I decided to go back out there and workout on one of the machines.

awkward
Image courtesy of Pixabay

I chose the one where you could sit down, and use the weights to bring your arms backwards and forward( you can tell I am no Gym bunny as I don’t know the names of any of the machines). Anyway, there was a bloke that was working out opposite me who was giving me a bit of a funny look. I assumed he had seen my little ‘accident’ and carried on. He still kept glancing my way, and I knew it wasn’t a lustful look (God knows, if it was he must have been desperate)! I looked down and to my utter mortification, noticed that the underwire from my bra, had somehow broken free and was poking out of my top! That was it, time to go and never return!

Jenny, of course, looked as elegant and fresh when she had finished her workout as she had before she had started!!!

Just Jot It January 31st – Clumsy — January 31, 2016

Just Jot It January 31st – Clumsy

jjj-2016

Today’s prompt for Linda’s Just Jot it January is ‘clumsy’ which, as you might have guessed, I suggested! It really was the first thing that came to mind.

Being clumsy ever since I can remember, doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, although I now just try and laugh it off. The more nervous I get, though, the clumsier I become, so meeting people for the first time or being in stressful situations can make me worse.

I remember years ago, staying at a boyfriend’s house for the weekend and meeting his family. The mother was very house proud and welcoming, so of course, I ended up knocking my coffee all over the carpet! His sisters rallied around, cleaning it up before I had chance to move, probably limiting any more damage that I might do. I was mortified.

Another time I remember was when I was being watched carrying out an aseptic procedure to be signed off by a senior nurse. That in itself made me nervous, but I had set everything out on the trolley, created my sterile field, and as I popped a bandage out of the wrapper, careful not to touch it, I squirmed when it caught the edge of the trolley and rolled onto the dirty floor! The stern glare from the Sister didn’t help my nerves either!

I could go on and on giving examples as there are so many, unfortunately, but I am sure you get the picture. Still, it has in the past, got me out of drying up the dishes!

 

Just Jot It January 20th – Surreptitiously — January 20, 2016

Just Jot It January 20th – Surreptitiously

jjj-2016

I do love the sound of today’s prompt word for Linda’s Just Jot it January, ‘surreptitiously’. The fact that it is rather sly and sneaky, stealthy and secret (sorry, I am getting into Wacky Word Wednesday mode), appeals to me.

I am pretty rubbish at trying to do things on the quiet, as my ham-fisted attempts at being unobtrusive very often fail miserably. I remember years ago when I was staying at a friend’s house, trying to creep in unnoticed from a night out, so as not to wake everyone up. The combination of a few drinks, low lighting and my natural ability, had me banging into things, wincing as something clattered to the floor, then being unable to stop laughing at my friend’s cross expression, ensured that the entire household knew we had arrived.

When Miss Hap was little, she was a very fussy eater and hated vegetables. I worried about getting them into her so would mash them up, mix them with other foods she liked or try to make a picture on her plate, you know that using a tomato for a nose or broccoli for hair, stuff like that(I never said I had a good imagination, and my creativity only applies to words)!  It never really worked very well; she was far too smart for my amateurish attempts to trick her into eating her veg.

No, it seems that being surreptitious is not something that I am cut out for. Shame really, as I rather fancied myself as a Secret Agent!

 

Just Jot it January 18th – Elegance — January 18, 2016

Just Jot it January 18th – Elegance

jjj-2016

This is a great word for Linda’s Just Jot it January prompt today – ‘elegance.’ It is something that I am truly lacking in, but wish that I had.

I thought I would dig out a poem that I wrote some time ago for those of you that have not seen it yet, about my desire to be more graceful and elegant!

Oh how I wish I was graceful

and not a disaster on wheels

I trip over every obstacle

And my shoes have got broken off heels

I try so hard to be upright

But always fall flat on my face

My body is covered in bruises

From where I have fallen from grace

I long to be elegant and classy

But that is just not to be

Whilst others are sipping their cocktails

I’m knocking over my tea.

Life for me would be perfect

If only I was more chic

Instead of awkward and bumbling

And coming across as a freak

Oh how I wish I was graceful

But life is not very fair

So I’ll carry on being clumsy

And pretending that I just don’t care!

Dear Self-Confidence….An Open Letter to My New Friend — September 17, 2015

Dear Self-Confidence….An Open Letter to My New Friend

Dear Self-Confidence,

I am so proud that we have finally forged a friendship after a life-time of avoiding each other. Of course, I knew of your existence when I was a little girl. but you were always in the distance, hanging around with Outgoing, Popular and Fearless, whilst I played in the shadows with Shy, Timid and Awkward. Actually these three were to remain loyal companions for many, many years.

During my school years, you were still just a little out of reach, and I coasted along with my usual crowd, and  joined up with Average, and Unremarkable. I always wanted to get to know you, but you became more elusive when I got caught smoking, and ended up in the Deputy Head’s office.  She rather firmly introduced me to Failure, Shame and Embarrassment. That was it for the rest of my school days, I knew my place, amongst these friends and Failure in particular, was by my side during my battle with academia.

I nearly met you whilst I was in the Army, but Reckless and Drunken came into my life, which I mistook you for. Luckily, they didn’t stay for too long, and no real damage was done, despite a lot of fun being had!

For the next 10 years during my first marriage, you deserted me completely. What little I knew of you was literally beaten down by Violence, Fear and Worthlessness.I did meet a mate of yours, Courage, who helped me to leave this situation, and stayed with me for a while to help me out during my divorce.

I met up again with Failure, Drunken and Reckless for a couple of years, carousing, having fun and a bit of release, before realising that they were just going to bring me down, so I ditched them.

I did meet Achievement briefly, when I finally passed my driving test after the 6th attempt! Nerves and Failure kept getting to me, and it was only when I brushed them off for good that I was able to find Success.

Romance came into my life for a while when I met husband number 2, but unfortunately, so did Cold and Empty. Thank God when my daughter was born, Unconditional Love came to stay and has never left!

After a couple of years an old flame was rekindled, and now I have Joy and Contentment as my friends. This is also where I finally became casually acquainted with Self-Confidence.

You were a guest at my wedding, and we mingled with Happiness, Companionship, Warmth, and Belonging alongside my family and friends. It was a wonderful day….but the best was still to come.

After decided to undertake some more studying as part of my career, you suddenly started turning up more. You were there for presentations I had to do in front of the rest of the class, you came with me to work as I gained more knowledge, and of course you were there silently urging me on as I walked up on that stage in front of a couple of hundred people as I graduated

We have become closer than ever now, you and I, and I would just like to thank you for deciding that I am worthy of your friendship after all!

With love and gratitude.

You Best Friend.

Episode 433: Tuesday Titbit. My Top Turn-Offs 18+ — July 28, 2015

Episode 433: Tuesday Titbit. My Top Turn-Offs 18+

I have written in the past  for my Tuesday Tidbit post, about getting  ‘in the mood for getting it on’. Well this week I am going to mention a couple of things (in my opinion). that are likely to kill the mood stone dead.

  • Toe sucking. Yuck, yuck and yuck again! Given my aversion to feet (even my own), this is never going to be top of my list of things to try out in the bedroom. I can think of nothing worse than putting a hairy, yellowing, thick-nailed toe anywhere near my mouth let alone sucking it! Dear God, that sounds more like some form of torture to me (especially if a fungal infection is involved)!
  • Skimpy briefs. These don’t really do it for me at all, and please no, don’t let it be a thong! They look good on absolutely no-one at all! I am not one to be impressed by the ‘posing pouch’ type of underwear, in fact I would probably burst out laughing!
  • Breaking wind. I know some men find it funny, but when in bed with a view to getting a little bit of action, I don’t want to hear anyone ‘parp’ and then get hit with the reek of rotten eggs that has been helpfully wafted in my direction.
  • Trying to skip the starter and head straight for the main course! Like most people, I want the full experience. The kissing, stroking, exploring… building up slowly, taking a bit of time, teasing, that kind of thing, not trying to get stuck in!
  • Rough handling. I do not enjoy clumsy tweaking, prodding and poking before I am  ready to get the party started!

What turns you off in the bedroom?

Episode 334: Compliments and Kisses! — May 19, 2015

Episode 334: Compliments and Kisses!

Us Brits are not very good at accepting compliments as a rule. We have that kind of self-deprecating humour, which I know I use a lot of the time. (I feel that it is better for me to get in first with the put-downs before someone else beats me to it).

It’s weird, that if someone does tell me that I look nice in an outfit, for example, I will soon draw attention to how big my tummy looks in it, or perhaps my chunky legs spoil the look. Whatever it is, whoever gave me the compliment probably soon regretted it; not only that, they also now know yet even more of my flaws that just maybe hadn’t been too obvious before I helpfully pointed them out!

The thing is, for me in particular, I was brought up to believe that you should be modest, never boast about anything and that it was not nice to be a ‘big-head!’ I don’t remember getting many compliments as a child probably to reinforce the message that ‘nobody likes a show-off!’

It is tricky to know where to draw the line as well. I was so proud when I graduated as it was only a couple of years ago, and therefore something I had to work pretty hard at to achieve, yet it felt really awkward when I told people about it, as I didn’t want them to think that I was ‘up myself!’

I am getting better at it now, especially at work, where we do get compliments at times;(in fact I got not one but two kisses today, which was sweet as I don’t usually look after the men)! However, I still can’t resist making a detrimental joke about myself most of the time!

What makes you feel awkward?

Blogging From A-Z Challenge: ‘O’ — April 17, 2015

Blogging From A-Z Challenge: ‘O’

Today on the Blogging From A-Z Challenge we are looking at the beautifully formed, and wonderfully rounded letter ‘O,’ This is such an open, outgoing letter. that it was difficult to choose a word that does it justice.  I toyed with ‘onomatopoeia’ as I like the sound of it!  However, I have decided upon another ‘blast from the past’ word, that i also like the sound of….. so, without further ado, may I present…..

Oaf. Yep, it is short and not so sweet. It is the klutz that bangs into everything; the village idiot of words that everyone humours.  When an oaf is around, you don’t want to be offering them tea from your best china, unless you are prepared for it to be knocked all over your cream coloured carpet, and smashed to smithereens in the process.

This word conjures up in my mind, a lumbering, great man with hobnail boots, clomping about, treading all over your lawn and squashing your flowers! He had hands like shovels that he has no control over, so he often flails about, gesticulating wildly. God help you if you get in his way, as you are likely to get a whack on the head from his uncoordinated movements. He is well-meaning, but a liability to have around. A calamity waiting to happen; a  clumsy clot of the highest order!

Poor sod, I know how he feels!

Blogging From A-Z Challenge: ‘M’ — April 15, 2015

Blogging From A-Z Challenge: ‘M’

Well I have made it halfway through the Blogging From A-Z Challenge, and here we are at the letter ‘M.’ This a magnificent, marvellous letter, resplendent in all its majesty! The word that I have chosen for today is one that is very little used nowadays (more’s the pity), but makes me laugh when I hear it.

Mealymouthed.  This word is a kind of insincere slobbering all over someone type of behaviour. It is the sycophantic, snivelling, slavish agreeing with everything you say, (despite not believing a word of it) to get in favour, duplicity.

It is the hypocritical person that does not practice what they preach; spouting off against adulterers, yet has his own mistress! It is the politician who makes all types of artificial promises just to get elected.

The jealous rival giving you a grovelling apology for ‘accidentally’ tripping you up and making you look a fool, or the timid new kid at school awkwardly introducing herself, and going around the houses to get to the point!

Judging by that last definition, I too am a bit mealymouthed!

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