Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

What Qualities Does a Real Man Have? — November 29, 2017

What Qualities Does a Real Man Have?

For those of us that have men in our lives, we accept that they may not be perfect but according to the Bookmakers William Hill there are fifty skills that your man should have in order to qualify as a ‘real man.’ Apparently, they questioned 2000 people in order to discover what qualities it takes to accomplish this,

The list includes things like being able to tie a tie, knowing how to wire a plug, being able to change a light bulb, as well as know when your anniversary is, and how to do the laundry.

I have decided to make my own little list of what qualities I think a ‘real man’ should have, which are in no particular order:

  • Not being ashamed to cry. I don’t mean just when their team loses an important match, I mean actually showing a bit of emotion when something has affected them deeply. Having said that, I don’t want him bawling his head off at the slightest thing!
  • Enjoy shopping. A real man will not be at all fazed whilst accompanying you on a shopping trip, and that includes browsing at lingerie! It is so annoying when you go to ask your partner’s opinion on a racy little number, only to find that he has legged it!
  • Be a good cook. Although I do like to cook at times, it is great that Mr Grump loves cooking and is so good at it too!
  • Have a decent sense of humour. Because I like to laugh at things and enjoy making fun of silly situations, it is important to me to have someone to laugh with. I don’t want to be with someone who is precious about me taking the mickey out of them!
  • Not having an aversion to housework. Being able to push a vacuum around is a huge plus in my book. It is one of those jobs that I hate doing! For some reason, I have never known a man who is good at dusting and polishing, but if he is handy with a vacuum then that’ll do!
  • Enjoy driving.  Although I drive myself, I am not that keen on it, so a man must be able to drive, and drive well! It is pretty off-putting if a man is crunching the gears or taking about 20 attempts to parallel park when he is behind the wheel.
  • Be well-groomed. Now a real man knows how to be well-presented. I like him to be smartly dressed in ironed clothes, smelling nice and have clean nails! I don’t however, want him to take longer getting ready than I do, hog the mirror, nick my beauty products, or borrow my straighteners (if he has hair of course).
  • Be good at DIY.  I like a man who is handy to have around. You never know when you need a shelf putting up, a room to be decorated or someone to fix something that I have broken.This is a very important quality in my book.
  • Know when to make himself scarce! This one is pretty important as well. I don’t just mean when you are having a ‘girly’ night in and don’t want the old man around. I mean that he knows to get out of your way when you are in a mood (especially if he is the one that has wound you up)!
  • Not being a selfish lover. I won’t go into too much detail here but a real man knows how to please his partner, not just himself!

Are there any that I have missed out, what qualities do you think a real man has?

No Sense of Direction — May 22, 2016

No Sense of Direction

I’ve got no sense of direction

When driving, I haven’t a clue

If it wasn’t for good old Sat Nav

I really don’t know what I’d do!

If I go out of a building

From a different door, I went in

I totally lose all my bearings

And my poor old head starts to spin

It’s the same when I try giving directions

Even though I know where to go

Trying to explain it to others

Really is a no-go!

But somehow, I manage to wing it

And end up where I have to be

Even if I go round in circles

I get there eventually!

Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt #88 ‘Lift’ & ‘plan’ — March 14, 2016
Out on My Own! — November 8, 2015

Out on My Own!

I have really enjoyed my first week out and about visiting patients on my own. It has been pretty scary in some ways, I have gone from being secure in the knowledge of knowing my job well to the point of being able to teach others to the newbie, asking stupid questions and feeling,  as well as looking like a dunce being unfamiliar with some of the techniques which might be basic in the community, but I had not encountered to the same degree in hospital.

Anyway, my first day doing visits was absolutely brilliant. The patient lived about two minutes drive from me which meant I did not have to leave that early to get there for 8.30 (that is weird as well, as I get to lie in till 6.30 in the morning and still have plenty of time)! I also get to see Miss Hap off to school which means that Mr Grump buggers off out of it at 7.30 and leaves me to shout up at regular intervals to wake her up from 7am onwards and then chivvy her along until her friend arrives for her at 7:50 to catch the bus.

I fussed around arranging everything neatly in the boot of my car, made sure I had a flask of coffee to keep me going and of course, lunch. I arrived a couple of minutes early, grabbed my paperwork and bag and nervously knocked on the door. I was met by an elderly man who welcomed me into their house, His wife, my patient was very pleasant and smiley as I introduced myself, and we went upstairs so that I could look at her wound that I was there to dress. Her husband shouted up asking me if I wanted a cuppa which of course I did, and the whole visit went well.

The next day though I drove up and down a busy dual carriageway looking for somewhere to no avail. When I finally found it, I realised I had driven past it about three times already! I also woke someone up who was none too pleased to see me, I am not surprised as I had gone to the wrong house! I had got the door numbers mixed up, Luckily someone was waving frantically at me from the other side of the road, who had seen me marching up to the wrong house and realised that it was her son that I should be seeing.

I apologised to the man I had woken and made me my across the road to the correct address. I knew that I was there to do a blood test on an anxious patient, What I did not realise though, but was told just before I went to take it, was that there was a strong likelihood that he might faint or at the very least, throw up. Great! Now I was even more nervous in case I didn’t get it or he flaked out on me! Luckily neither happened, I got my bloods and he got to remain conscious, just how I like it!

A little later on in the week I had to re-visit some of my earlier patients to re-check their wounds, and I was told that these people were going to be my caseload, I was thrilled to have my own patients, especially when I went back out on Friday to the lovely couple I went to on my very first visit,

This time, the husband came to the door in his dressing gown, but I still got the warm welcome and his wife shouted down to me to come up, they had remembered my name which really pleased me. Once I had dressed the wound and had my cuppa, the patient asked if it would be me that always came. I explained that it would although now and again someone else might come, Her reaction was to tell me how pleased she was and that it called for a hug and a kiss!

On Wednesday things went a bit awry, I woke up and looked at my phone only to see it was 7:20! I had not been up on a working day that late in a decade probably!  Mr Grump’s alarm had failed to go off and I didn’t bother setting mine. I yelled out to Miss Hap that it was 7.30 and to get up. She told me nonchalantly that it was only 7.20 anyway!

Well, both Mr Grump and I were stressed, and falling over each other in the bathroom trying to get washed and dressed. I know I wasn’t actually late, but being a creature of habit, I was put out completely having to rush around to get ready. Grump was cross and more crabby than usual but luckily cleared off to take Roxy out for her walk, giving me chance to get on.

It has been quite an eventful week for me, but am looking forward to next week!

At Last! First Day on the Job! — October 16, 2015

At Last! First Day on the Job!

What a crazy whirlwind of a week. I was so looking forward to getting started in my new job, so of course getting the mother of all colds set me back a bit! Luckily for 3 days I was just across the road and could walk to work!

Yesterday Mr. Sat Nav (I don’t like the woman’s voice bossing me about) directed me to my training in a calming, relaxed manner, and having a trainer that was tremendous fun made it all the more enjoyable. There were actually at least three of them this week that were mad as hatters, but made dry subjects so much more palatable by their unique presentations.

So today I was to actually start work and I was pretty excited. Despite the fact that it was lashing down with rain, and my nose was now dry and a bit crusty, I was undaunted. I put on my uniform, (luckily I had not given back the old one yet, and it is the same), cadged a lift with Mr, Grump as he was off and I didn’t want to get wet, and arrived nice and early (well, too early if truth be told).

Eventually, someone signed me in and I got to meet my new team. I ordered my uniform, filled in some paperwork, then went out on some visits with my new boss.I was really impressed at the way they worked and it was really nice visiting people in their own homes. I already met some characters, one of the ladies answered the door topless, but after working in the hospital, that did not phase me as many of the patients loved to strip off given the chance.

I had not brought lunch as was unsure what I wanted and there was a shop close by the office where I could get something anyway. However, as we were handing back to the office about 2pm, I realized that I felt really sick. I put it down to not eating and bought myself a chicken and stuffing sandwich from the shop. I didn’t want it actually but made myself eat it.

About an hour or so later I went out with another nurse to do one last call. She is not a local lady so used her Satnav to get to the address. I did not ask her where we were going, and we had a nice little trip out in the countryside along nice bumpy lanes, and my tummy was churning about all over the place.

Oh God, I felt sick, and wished I had not eaten that bloody sandwich. Anyway, we realised what had happened as soon as I heard the address. I actually knew where it was anyway, and we soon got to where we needed to go.

When we arrived, I almost jumped out of the car, trying to get some fresh air as I felt bad. I had not mentioned to anyone at all that I felt rough, as for some reason, I thought it might be car sickness (I used to suffer when I was a child)  and that would not bode well in the job! (I am fine when driving myself, by the way)!

The lovely elderly lady was cooking her dinner, but the smell although nice, churned me up a bit more. I then was asked to help with the leg dressing, and in fact, redressed it myself, which involved kneeling on the floor, something which along with the wound, did nothing to ease my volcanic stomach!

We got back to the office half an hour later than I was supposed to leave and it was really lashing down with rain by now, but I decided that I didn’t want Mr Grump picking me up as I had more than enough of cars for one day!

Image courtesy of Flikr

Episode 424: Tuesday Tidbit. Mini Thrills! 18+ — July 21, 2015

Episode 424: Tuesday Tidbit. Mini Thrills! 18+

Now for today’s Tidbit I thought I would share with you a story that was recently in the news.

A young man  who had been out of work for ages, finally got himself a job as a delivery driver of a fish van. However, whilst he was parked up, a Mini suddenly come hurtling into the back of the van causing some damage.

A young woman got out of the car, and they exchanged insurance details. The poor young man went back to base thinking he was going to lose this job before he had really got started.

However, his boss looked over the footage that was taken from the back of the van, and it seemed that it was not his fault at all. The young lady had been seen removing her ‘Rampant Rabbit’ from inside her trousers before fastening them and getting out of the car.

She must have been some sort of contortionist to manage inserting the device, using the steering wheel ,and changing gears! It seemed like in the throes of passion with her ‘little friend’ she rammed her foot on the gas pedal and smashed into the fish van!

You couldn’t make it up!

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry! — February 13, 2015

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry!

For those of us that have men in our lives, we accept that they may not be perfect but according to the Bookmakers William Hill there are fifty skills that your man should have in order to qualify as a ‘real man.’ Apparently they questioned 2000 people in order to discover what qualities it takes to accomplish this,

The list includes things like being able to tie a tie, knowing how to wire a plug, being able to change a light bulb, as well as know when your anniversary is, and how to do the laundry.

I have decided to make my own little list of what qualities I think ‘real men’ should have, which are in no particular order:

Not being ashamed to cry. I don’t mean just when their team loses an important match, I mean actually showing a bit of emotion when something has affected them deeply. Having said that,I don’t want him bawling his head off at the slightest thing!

  • Enjoy shopping. A real man will not be at all fazed whilst accompanying you on a shopping trip, and that includes browsing at lingerie! It is so annoying when you go to ask your parter’s opinion on a racy little number, only to find that he has legged it!
  • Be a good cook. Although I do like to cook at times, it is great that Mr Grump loves cooking and is so good at it too!
  • Have a decent sense of humour. Because I like to laugh at things, and enjoy making fun of silly situations, it is important to me to have someone to laugh with. I don’t want to be with someone who is precious about me taking the mickey out of them!
  • Not having an aversion to housework. Being able to push a vacuum around is a huge plus in my book. It is one of those jobs that I hate doing! For some reason, I have never known a man who is good at dusting and polishing, but if he is handy with a vacuum then that’ll do!
  • Enjoy driving.  Although I drive myself, I am not that keen on it, so a man must be able to drive, and drive well! It is pretty off-putting if a man is crunching the gears or taking about 20 attempts to parallel park, when he is behind the wheel.
  • Be well-groomed. Now a real man knows how to be well-presented. I like him to be smartly dressed in ironed clothes,smelling nice and have clean nails! I don’t however, want him to take longer getting ready than I do, hog the mirror, nick my beauty products, or borrow my straighteners (if he has hair of course).
  • Be good at DIY.  I like a man who is handy to have around. You never know when you need a shelf putting up,a room to be decorated or someone to fix something that I have broken.This is a very important quality in my book.
  • Know when to make himself scarce! This one is pretty important as well. I don’t just mean when you are having a ‘girly’ night in and don’t want the old man around. I mean that he knows to get out of your way when you are in a mood (especially if he is the one that has wound you up)!

Are there any that I have missed out, what qualities do you think a real man has?

Episode 133: Yellow Peril…. — February 1, 2015

Episode 133: Yellow Peril….

I never thought I would  say this but I can’t wait for my car to be back on the road! I might have mentioned before that I absolutely hate driving. If I can get out of it at any time then I will. However I have actually missed the fact that I can’t just nip off to my sister’s if i want to, or the shops, or anywhere for that matter!

I haven’t even had it that long, since September I think. I already had a perfectly good little car, but it wasn’t really me. it was red and…well,.. boring really. I like brightly coloured things. I like pretty things, and this car was neither, Humdrum and ordinary.

Mr Grump was browsing through some cars on one of those online Auto mag websites and he jokingly showed me a picture of this car, as he knew I would like the colour of it. Big mistake. I wanted that car. It was my favourite colour yellow; not only that, all the inside of it matched as well, yellow gear stick knob (very important), and pedals as well as the seat covers etc.

To cut a long story very short, I got it! I was thrilled with it. Forget the fact that Mr Grump said it was a ‘Boy Racer’s’ car, and that the exhaust had been ‘Bad Boyed’,so that it makes a really loud roaring sound (you can hear me coming for miles), It was yellow and it was pretty. Oh and it has a fancy stereo, that you can watch films on as well (not whilst driving of course), and that was I that I cared about!

I thought by having this car, it might even encourage me to drive a bit more, (it did a bit), but not for long because the MOT was due on it a couple of months after I had got it (roadworthiness test). It failed! Bloody thing!

Anyway, most of the work that has needed doing on it has been done, and tomorrow the new catalytic converter is going to be fitted, so fingers crossed It will be re-tested and back on the road soon.

So I will no longer be chauffeured to and from work by a disgruntled Mr Grump, which I have to say I have enjoyed immensely. I will however be roaring about in my pretty little car, getting strange looks off the young lads. (They admire my car and then look aghast as they see this old girl getting out of it, rather than some spotty, teenaged boy)!

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