Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! — April 16, 2018

Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails!

I thought I would share another post from my broken blog, Edwina’s Episodes archives.

Sex is fraught with the potential for embarrassment, and a good sense of humour very often ‘comes in handy’  (if you’ll pardon the pun) to deal with some of the most common cringe-worthy moments that most of us have encountered at some stage in our sexual shenanigans!

  1. Things are heating up, the pace is getting faster, and more passionate, then…. PARPPPPP. Oh No, someone has let one off! You both freeze as the horror of the moment sinks in; hopefully, things will resume pretty quickly afterwards and the mood is not lost!
  2. Ready for a bit of bedroom action, everything is going well….kissing and touching,  breathing is getting heavier, your body is responding to the sensuous caresses but something is not quite right. You have noticed that your partner has backed off just a little. You are getting to the point now where touching is not enough, and as you reach for him, you realise that he is not quite ‘ready’. This is a bit of a tricky situation. You could try other things to ‘perk things up’  but sometimes it is just ‘flogging a dead horse’, or you could sulk, turn your back and seethe! The other option, of course, is to just snuggle up together and reassure that it doesn’t matter.
  3. If you have quite sensitive skin on your face, this one could be a problem. After a long, long night of hot and heavy action, and hours of passionate kissing, you might wake up in the morning with what looks like friction burns on your chin! I have actually had this happen to me and have had to think up some pretty (lame) excuse at work the next day as to how I got ‘that awful burn’ on my chin.
  4. Waking up the next morning only to find there is a patch of blood on the sheets! Mother Nature had paid you an unexpected visit during the night. Mortifying!
  5. Feeling sick just when things are getting going. This is really awkward as you cannot enjoy what is happening if there is a possibility of puking all over your partner! They won’t appreciate it either.
  6. You have got a bit of unexpected child-free time that you decide to take advantage of during the day. You have a bit of ‘afternoon delight’ with your partner, and as you are lying together in the afterglow, you can hear sounds of kids playing outside. You realise that all the bedroom windows are open and that half the street probably heard what you have been up to. Cringe!
  7. Whilst showing off your agility and flexibility getting into all sorts of interesting positions, you are attacked by CRAMP. It’s no good, you twist this way and that way trying to alleviate it, then end up leaping up and hopping about yowling in pain as it won’t go away! Passion is killed!
Music My Never Ending Love — October 24, 2017

Music My Never Ending Love

For as long as I remember

You have always been around

Like a blanket of security

That I can wrap around

I’ve turned to you when happy

You’ve comforted me when sad

You are there for all occasions

For the good times and the bad

Sometimes you know just how I’m feeling

And you reflect that in your voice

You know when I am being playful

And just want to make some noise

You are soulful, you are sexy

Sometimes spiritual and serene

You are raucous, you are raunchy

And nearly everything in-between!

Whatever I have been through

You have been a huge part of

Music, you are my salvation

And my never-ending love

Writer’s Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge: Passion — August 3, 2016

Writer’s Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge: Passion

Ronovan has given us ‘passion’ this week for his and Colleen’s Writer’s Quote Challenge.‘ A very strong word indeed, and I can’t wait to get stuck into this one! Here is the quote that I have chosen:

Light yourself on fire with passion and people will come from miles to watch you burn.

– John Wesley

 

The older that I’m getting

The more passionate I’ve become

Life has much more potential

Than being boring and humdrum

When buying something from a shop

It really is a farce

When the assistant is sulky and sullen

With a face like a smacked arse!

Yet someone bright and bubbly

Who greets me with a smile

and enjoys the job they are doing

Will make my trip worthwhile!

A sportsman with no passion

Will never win the game

He has to feel excitement

And his soul should be inflamed

The different types of artists

So ardent about their craft

Each work contains their sweat and tears

And many years of long hard graft!

What about our love lives?

Wouldn’t it be a bore

Just going through the motions

As if it were a chore

We need to show our passion

In everything we do,

If others see your enthusiasm

They will feel it too!

 

 

 

TJ’s Household Haiku Challenge – Attraction — December 27, 2015

TJ’s Household Haiku Challenge – Attraction

For the last Household Haiku Challenge of the year, TJ has given us ‘attraction’ for our prompt word.

I have a few fridge magnets that I enjoy looking at, and this one is something that Mr Grump spotted, and thought I might like. I wonder why?!

Here is my take on it.

 

Food is my first love

A passionate attraction

-holds a lot of weight!

 

Episode 452: Tuesday Tidbit. Illicit Love (18+) — August 11, 2015

Episode 452: Tuesday Tidbit. Illicit Love (18+)

Meaningful glances across the room

Secret smiles and a wink

A slight nod of the head signals that now is the time

To make an escape from the crowd

And go somewhere more private…

A hand reaches out and pulls you in

Now you can feast on your desire

Fevered longing, unleashed

Hands, frenzied, groping

Tugging at zips, pushing down straps

Hungry mouths with tongues entwined

Pushing up clothes

Pulling down clothes

The need for contact

Skin against skin

Wanting more

Panting

Thrusting

Sighing

Probing

Faster

Biting

Faster

Clawing

Faster

Nearly

Deeper

Moaning

FASTER

Coming

Straightening clothing

Smoothing hair into place

Putting the ironing board back

That got knocked over in the process

Checking the coast is clear

Sneaking out one by one

Back to the party

No-one has noticed

“Have you met my husband?”

Episode 388: Tidbit Tuesday: New Love 18+ — June 23, 2015

Episode 388: Tidbit Tuesday: New Love 18+

I have decided to have a go at ‘Tidbit Tuesday’ after enjoying reading posts by Randy Rob and Erotic Erika! As I am a virgin at this, I will need breaking in gently! I am not sure yet how far I am going to go, let’s see what happens.

This is about  finally getting to be with someone, after wanting them for a long time!

New Love

Flirty looks from lowered lashes

Music plays soft and low

A glass of wine to ease the tension

Things are going nice and slow

A kiss that started out so gentle

Deepens as the passion starts

Stroking hands and soft caresses

Mingling breath and beating hearts

Groans of pleasure, ever louder

As he gently moves inside

Now the tempo is getting faster

Yearning cannot be denied

Thrusting, probing, arching, moaning

The dance of love is at its height

Clenching, screaming, sighing, sated

This is love that feels just right.

Episode 313: Five Things I Have Learned About Blogging! — May 4, 2015

Episode 313: Five Things I Have Learned About Blogging!

  • Don’t forget to proofread! Now I am one of those people who, once I have written something, unless there is a glaringly obvious mistake, then I might not notice it, despite re-reading the whole post to check for errors. I have hit ‘publish’ before then have gone into the article at a later date and found a typo in the very first word! How embarrassing! Mind you, even worse is when I have commented on other blogs and made a few typos!
  • Interact with others. This may seem bloody obvious, but you can’t afford to be shy. I know I was very daunted by commenting on other blogs, but we all like to know we are doing something right, so a little encouraging remark can go a very long way; sometimes you might even get a reply!
  • Be careful what you say. Again, this might be blindingly obvious, but if you are having a bit of a rant and rave about someone who has annoyed you, the chances are they will find out about it! Once a post has been published, it is there for all to see, so think twice about putting up drunken pictures of yourself in a heap on the floor. It’s not pretty!
  • Learn how to connect with social media, If you want people to read your blog, and are a dunce when it comes to using social media, you need to learn how it works. So many people use it, that you are missing out on a huge audience if you do not know how to share on these sites. This is a work in progress for me, which I am getting to the bottom of as it is going to take a bit of time, I think!
  • Be passionate about what you write. Nobody wants to read a boring post that drones on and on with no feeling or emotion. Who wants to be dragged down to the depths of despair by a dismal post? Exactly! I find that when I have written a positive and enthusiastic post then I get more comments and likes. Readers can pick up on when you are passionate or excited about something, and it influences the way they feel about it too.
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