Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

#JusJoJan 2018. January 22nd Liberty — January 22, 2018

#JusJoJan 2018. January 22nd Liberty

I hope that you are enjoying my posts from Linda’s Just Jot it January as much as I am enjoying writing them.

Here is today’s prompt word.

Your prompt for January 22nd, 2018, brought to you by the friendly and nautically inclined Capt Jill, is “Liberty.” Use it any way you’d like in your post. And make sure you visit Jill at her blog, “Capt Jills Journeys” to read her post and say hi! Here’s her link:  https://captjillsjourneys.wordpress.com/

I know that, for many of you, the first thing you will think of when seeing the word liberty will probably be freedom, in one form or another. The first thing I thought of was the comedienne Catherine Tate’s ‘Nan’ character.

For those of you that don’t know her, you are missing out. She is an old lady living on her own that often gets visited by her grandson. She has got a lot to say about everybody but it is always behind their back and normally peppered liberally with swear words. Her particular favourite is …”f**king liberty!” She is anti-everything and everybody and has never heard of being politically correct.

I have included a clip for your enjoyment, but some may find it offensive!!

Mind Your Language, No Swearing! — October 10, 2017

Mind Your Language, No Swearing!

Some time ago I read a post by Wendy on the Rock where she talks about her love for bad language, particularly the ‘F’ word and how this used to upset her mother to hear her swearing at one time, but now she has become used to it.

I could relate to this post, mainly as it brought back memories of how strict my mum and stepdad were when my siblings and I were growing up. I have to say that as a little girl, I was not much of a swearer, in fact, I was reticent and a bit of a ‘Goody Two Shoes’. Well, truth be known, back in the ‘olden days’ we didn’t hear much bad language, not even on the TV (Mind you I had to be in bed before eight until I was about 12 years old)!

I never heard my mother swear at all, growing up, (I don’t count ‘bugger’, ‘bloody’ and ‘Christ’ as swearing. She did let the odd ‘shit’ slip out though (Ha Ha! bit of a double entendre there). Woe betide any of us that dared say any of those words though, We would be threatened as Wendy was, with our mouths being washed out with soap. My stepfather was a bit different though as he had a broad West Country ‘oooh-arrr’ type of accent that made us laugh, especially when he described someone falling as ‘going arse over tit’. Commonplace now but shocking to us kids back then. Mum would give him a bit of a look, but he was oblivious to it anyway!

I remember when I was about nine years old and desperate to grow up quickly, was upset about my deficiency in the boob department. We had been singing Christmas Carols at school. A line from ‘In The Bleak Midwinter’ had piqued my interest, which was …’a breastful of milk and a manger full of hay’. Hmmm, did that mean that if I drank a lot of milk, then a would get big boobs, which I desperately wanted ( I was very innocent back then). Anyway, I asked my Mum for a glass of milk, and for some reason told her why I wanted it. She asked me to repeat what I had just said,

“To make my breastful of milk grow bigger,” I chirped. WRONG! I got a clout for that!. We did not discuss intimate body parts in our house, not even allowed to say ‘bum’. Bottom was the correct term for everything front and back, girls and boys! Sex education we learned at school (or from other kids), and I dreaded telling my Mum when puberty started!

I would never swear in front of my older brothers and sisters either, particularly my eldest sister as I would probably get a smack off her as well (she dobbed me in to my Mum when she found a packet of cigarettes on me when I was 13)!!! Funnily enough, Mum wasn’t as mad about that as she would be about us swearing!

My younger sister was and is a lot braver, and much feistier than I am. I remember once when we were teenagers; she was sleeping in my room, and as we used to fight like cat and dog then. I for once got furious and told her to ‘piss off”. Oh, no, Mum’s room was next door, and sure enough, my stepdad yelled, but at my sister, not me! No-one thought I had it in me to use such language!

Now of course. Mum doesn’t seem to mind her grand-children swearing, in fact, she has been known to come out with a few choice words herself. Not only that she openly talks about sex (CRINGE), and has a filthy mind we’ve discovered. When we have large family gatherings, we quite often end up playing games, and although they always start reasonably innocently, ‘consequences’ ends up making an appearance, and the filthier, the better!

For those unfamiliar with it, everyone starts off with a bit of paper, you write a girl’s name on it, fold it over, pass it to the next person and they write a boy’s name on it, fold it over, pass it on. Then write where they met, what they did, what he said, she said and how it ended up each time folding it over and passing it on. When that is over, you take it in turns to read out all the combinations. It is a playground game really, but you can get some interesting scenarios if you have a dirty mind!

It is odd though that I still have that fear (or respect) in me that I will not swear in front of my Mum!

Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt # 74 ‘Cake’ and ‘Wolf’ — December 7, 2015

Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt # 74 ‘Cake’ and ‘Wolf’

Now Ronovan’s prompt words of ‘cake’ and ‘wolf’ for this weeks Haiku challenge had me thinking it was going to be pretty easy. However, he is on to us and would prefer something a little less obvious. Hmmmm.

I have had to think ‘outside the box’ and have been at the thesaurus!

Here is what I ended up with!

Cake of soap

 

Episode 416: Wacky Word Wednesday #10 — July 15, 2015

Episode 416: Wacky Word Wednesday #10

Can you believe that it is week 10 already of my wacky word Wednesday. I have really enjoyed doing these as they are such fun. Today I have got a bit of a rude word for you, but it sounds so funny and always makes me laugh. It has several meanings as well so a pretty versatile word all round.

Bollocks. Well doesn’t that just roll off the tongue nicely. This word is so much nicer than gonads and testes, balls and even plums. A kick in the bollocks has a much better sound to it!

This word is also babbling balderdash, meaningless mumbo jumbo, and nothing but nonsense!

What about the mutt’s nuts? This word is primped and polished, stylish and smart, in fact, perfectly pukka!

Lastly, this word used as a verb without the ‘s’ is very stern and severe, giving a good telling off, not to mention a tongue-lashing! A reproof and reprimand of the highest order

It is also one of my favourite words.

Episode 166: Fairy Grandmother! — February 16, 2015

Episode 166: Fairy Grandmother!

When I was younger, my parents were pretty strict about swearing (or rather us not swearing) as I wrote about here. It was pretty unheard of to hear bad language on the TV, and I never ever heard my parents use really bad language. Yes, my step-dad loved ‘bloody’ and ‘shit’,  and my mum was partial to ‘for Christ’s sake’ but there was never any ‘f’ word or similar. Ever.

Nowadays it is so much more commonplace. we hear it all the time, On TV, listening to music, even young kids on the street seem to bandy swear words about with abandon, as it is part of their everyday vocabulary.

Many of the older generation still do not like to hear people constantly swearing, and one grandmother of 73 landed up getting herself in trouble when she tried to make a stand.

It all started when her daughter’s boyfriend couldn’t control his language in front of the woman, her daughter and granddaughter. She had finally had enough when the 6ft 2 chef loomed over her swearing in her face. Quick as a flash, she pulled put a bottle of ‘Fairy’ washing up liquid from her bag (God knows why she was carrying it around, unless it was for just such an occasion) and squirted the liquid towards the 38 year old’s mouth.

Now, most of us as kids were threatened to have ‘our mouths washed out with soap’ if we were caught swearing by an older person, and being of that generation, she followed through on it, probably intending to teach him a lesson in manners.

Unfortunately, his poor feelings were hurt and he called the police accusing her of assault; sure enough they came out and charged her! She will be up before the magistrates court facing prosecution and a criminal record.

How times have changed. Forty years ago this woman would have been commended for her actions, and the foul-mouthed ranter, berated by the police for wasting their time, and for using abusive language!

Is the Crown  Prosecution Service getting a little over the top wanting to prosecute this woman, or do you think she ‘assaulted’ the man and deserves what she gets?

Episode 73: Mind Your Language! — December 12, 2014

Episode 73: Mind Your Language!

Earlier on today I read a post by Wendy of the Rock where she talks about her love for bad language, particularly the ‘F’ word and how this used to upset her mother, but now she has become used to it.

I could really relate to this post, mainly as it brought back memories of how strict my mum and stepdad were  when me and my siblings were growing up. I have to say that as a little girl, I was not much of a swearer, in fact I was very quiet and a bit of a ‘Goody Two Shoes’. Well truth be known,back in the ‘olden days’ we didn’t really hear much bad language, not even on the TV (Mind you I had to be in bed before 8 until I was about 12 years old)!

I never heard my mother swear at all, growing up, (I don’t really count ‘bugger’ , ‘bloody’ and ‘Christ’ as swearing. She did let the odd ‘shit’ slip out though (Ha Ha!  bit of a double entendre there). Woe betide any of us that dared say any of those words though, We would be threatened as Wendy was, with our mouths being washed out with soap. My stepfather was a bit different though as he had a broad West Country ‘oooh-arrr’ type of accent that made us laugh, especially when he described someone falling as ‘going arse over tit’. Commonplace now but shocking to us kids back then. Mum would give him a bit of a look but he was oblivious to it anyway!

I remember when I was about 9 years old, and desperate to grow up quickly, was upset about my deficiency in the boob department. We had been singing Christmas Carols at school. A line from ‘In The Bleak Midwinter’ had piqued my interest, which was …’a breastful of milk and a mangerful of hay’. Hmmm, did that mean that if I drank a lot of milk then a would get big boobs, which I desperately wanted ( I was very innocent back then). anyway I asked my Mum for a glass of milk, and for some reason told her why I wanted it. She asked me to repeat what I had just said,

“To make my breastful of milk grow bigger” I chirped. WRONG! I got a clout for that!. We did not discuss intimate body parts in our house, not even allowed to say ‘bum’. Bottom was the correct term for everything front and back, girls and boys! Sex education we learned at school (or from other kids), and I dreaded telling my Mum when puberty started!

I would never swear in front of my older brothers and sisters either, particularly my eldest sister as I would probably get a smack off her as well (she dobbed me in to my Mum when she found a packet of cigarettes on me when I was 13)!!! Funnily enough Mum wasn’t as mad about that as she would be about us swearing!

My younger sister was and is a lot braver, and much feistier than I am. I remember once when we were teenagers; she was sleeping in my room, and as we used to fight like cat and dog then. I for once got really angry and told her to ‘piss off”. Oh, no, Mum’s room was next door and sure enough my step dad yelled, but at my sister, not me! No-one thought I had it in me to use such language!

Now of course. Mum doesn’t seem to mind her grand-children swearing, in fact she has been known to come out with a few choice words herself. Not only that she openly talks about sex (CRINGE), and has a filthy mind we’ve discovered. When we have large family gatherings we quite often end up playing games, and although they always start fairly innocently, ‘consequences’ ends up making an appearance, and the filthier the better! For those unfamiliar with it everyone starts off  with a bit of paper, you write a girl’s name on it, fold it over, pass it to the next person and they write a boy’s name on it, fold it over, pass it on, write where they met, what they did, what he said, she said and how it ended up each time folding it over and passing it on. when that is over, you take it in turns to read out all the combinations. It is a playground game really, but you can get some VERY interesting scenarios if you have a dirty mind!

It is odd though that I still have that fear (or respect) in me that will not swear in front of my Mum!

Episode 37: I Hope Chivalry Never Dies!!! — November 7, 2014

Episode 37: I Hope Chivalry Never Dies!!!

I thought that I would have a bit of a rant in today’s blog. If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s bad manners. In one of the blogs I follow Storytime with John (http://storytimewithjohn.com/2014/10/31/manliness/ )    he mentions how his brother held open the door for two ladies at the University he attended, and rather than just go through it, they became offended, refused to go through the door, leaving this poor man standing there holding the door open for nobody, THEN berated him for his act of chivalry declaring  that they are quite capable of opening a door themselves!!!! Oooh, how I would have loved to have slammed it in their faces, rude and ignorant people!

I am all for equality and feminism  but good  manners have absolutely nothing to do with this whatsoever. I would hold open the door for anybody, regardless of age or sex because it is polite to do so!! I would also hope that someone would do the same for me. I certainly wouldn’t be offended by it…..

Another pet hate of mine are rude shop assistants! Yes I know everybody picks on them. I have worked in shops myself dealing with rude customers, but they are there to do a job, and if they hate interacting with the public, then why on earth work in a shop? The thing that winds me up the most is when I go to pay for something at a checkout in a shop or supermarket, and the shop assistant carries out the entire transaction without even acknowledging my presence! They are still carrying on a conversation with a previous customer/friend/colleague on the next till!!! The only interaction between us is when they hold out their hand for the money, which they snatch off you, before dumping your change in your hand and receipt. You are then dismissed, and they move on to ignore the next poor customer!

I am not keen on Supermarket shopping at the best of times, but I do resent the fact that I am so insignificant,  that the assistant carries on their discussion about their weekend/boyfriend/sex life (in my experience these assistants have all been women). If you DARE to actually talk to them and interrupt their important conversation, you are subjected to a withering look and a bit of huffing and puffing, especially if there is a problem with something!

I think it is very respectful for someone to give up their seat on public transport for an elderly person, or heavily pregnant woman, or anyone that is more deserving. I know I have done it myself, and I would expect my daughter to do it as well. I”m  not out to offend anyone by doing it, I just think it is common courtesy.

I am no lady, and when I get in a rage,can swear and curse with the best of them, but I also believe that in public, it should be toned down a bit! The amount of times I have heard mothers and fathers shouting at the top of their voices in the town centre, something along the lines of ” Come here Johnny, you little shit, before I knock your F**king head off!” I particularly hate it when parents swear directly at children, it just seems very aggressive and unnecessary!

I am pretty lucky that my husband Mr Grump, is pretty chivalrous! When we go shopping he carries all of the bags, regardless of how weighed down he gets, (Bless him, he is only skinny, and I sometimes think he will snap when they are particularly heavy)! I do offer to carry some, but he insists on doing it. This is just the way he has been brought up, If I am cold, and haven’t got a jacket, he will give me his, he opens doors etc, but not just for me. he would do the same for anyone.

As far as I am concerned, if a man wants to act like a gentleman, then I have got no problem with it. To me it just comes under the same umbrella as being kind, courteous and well-mannered, and that costs nothing, but makes a huge difference!

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