Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 25: Cosy Nights In…… — October 25, 2014

Episode 25: Cosy Nights In……

Well it’s official! As of 2am tonight (or more precisely tomorrow morning) British summertime ends and winter is upon us…So far autumn has been pretty good, it has  even been  warm enough to wear a t-shirt out WITH NO COAT (sorry for the excitement, but this is England and we are not used to having such mild weather, even in summer)!!

Anyway,,, whatever the weather (us Brits are obsessed with it I know), one thing for sure is, the nights will get darker earlier, and  will therefore feel longer, so I have decided that now would be a good time to do a bit of decorating, as it will give Mr Grump plenty to occupy him, plus the hall, stairs and landing are in desperate need of brightening up!

Luckily for me, Mr Grump is pretty handy. He will have a go at most DIY jobs, and has already done a bit of painting in the house. However, I know he is not keen on this particular job, as it will  take ages, and not only do I hate painting and decorating myself, but also seem to get in the way whilst he is trying to get on with it……Funnily enough, he doesn’t like my helpful suggestions either, so I end up just keeping him supplied with cups of tea, and then staying well out of the way,

Unluckily, for Mr Grump, both myself and Miss Hap are also off all week. I know that he won’t want either of us  anywhere near him when he gets the ladder out to paint the top part of the landing, as we are both so clumsy there is a good chance that one of us will trip over the ladder and send him plummeting to his doom, right  to the bottom of the stairs. However, he needn’t worry about that as:

a) he is not insured for enough and is worth more alive,

b) I can’t bear mess as it is, and don’t want to have to clean him up off of the carpet,

c) I still have more decorating to be done!

I know that he has all the equipment that he needs for the job in the shed, so all I have to do now is choose the colour of the paint (I know I want something bright, lively and cheerful, which no doubt, will not be to his taste, especially if it is not blue)! Maybe a lemony yellow, or perhaps a nice lime green would make our home feel happy and welcoming (and not nauseous and dizzy as I suspect it might,if the colour turns out wrong)!!

Well all I have to do now is a bit of nagging (or should I say ‘reminding’, men do have a tendency to forget things you want them to do so you have to ‘remind’ them now and again) or if that doesn’t work, I may have to resort to resort to underhand tactics and use my womanly wiles on him (not sure about that one, as it means I will have to be nice for a while, and I won’t be able to keep that up for long)!!

Episode 24: Me and My Girl… — October 22, 2014

Episode 24: Me and My Girl…

Kids…don’t you just love’ em!! Ever since I was quire young I always wanted to have children, and at one point I wanted to become a Nanny and look after them. However life works out in its own sweet way, and I never did become a nanny, plus  I was 37 years old before I finally had my beautiful daughter…

Being one of six children myself, and with most of my siblings being older than me, they started to have their children when I was a teenager. I thought this was great, and I would always volunteer to babysit whenever I could. I loved playing games with the little ones, and spending time with them, looking after them.

I thought that by the time I was a Mum,  I would have loads of experience from looking after various nephews and nieces, and that I would be very capable and calm!

I was panicking like mad, almost as soon as I became pregnant! I signed up to one of those online subscriptions that gave a daily update on how the baby was developing, and I would read any pregnancy book I could get my hands on so that I knew what to expect,,,however there were a few humps along the way to get over first that were not really mentioned in the glossy mags I read,,,,,,

The first hurdle was being told that as I was an ‘older mum’, my age coupled with some test results meant that I may have a child that has Down’s Syndrome, I did have the amniocentesis done as advised, but that was not a pleasant experience. The size of that needle they pushed into my stomach!! Ohh it made my eyes water, but everything was ok, and I also found out by choice early on that i was having a girl, which was so exciting. One more hurdle of gestational diabetes to get over,.. that was also a bit of a nuisance as I ended up having to inject myself with insulin, but again, in the grand scheme of things, it was ok, as at least my baby was healthy which was the main thing.

My two sisters were with me when my daughter was born, and she came screaming into the world to the dulcet tones of Tom Jones singing ‘It’s Not unusual’ (I wanted something a bit upbeat for her to be born to)! Anyway…I was now finally a MUM. My dream had come true, and here was my precious little bundle, (Actually the first night I heard this crying and wished that the other mothers in the ward would see to their poor baby, when actually it was MY baby that was crying). It took a little while for me to get used to the fact that yes, I was supposed to take care of her every need!!!

I was living with my mother and step-father when I took  her home from hospital, for the first few weeks, which was lucky for me as I had my mum on hand to give me advice.. However when she was 10 weeks old, we moved into our own house and for the next few years it was just me and her.

I really didn’t know how hard it was going to be, looking after a baby, getting into routines etc. I bought a food processor, and lovingly made delicious meals from scratch which I pulverized for her when she went onto solids…only for her to spit it out in disgust! I was determined that she would sleep in her own room, and managed to get her into a routine, although I had of course got it wrong!! She would go to bed every evening at 5.30pm, but would get up every morning at 4.30 am. Try as I might I could not get her out of this habit for ages! Plus, once she was awake that was it, she would have this strange habit of getting onto her back and kicking her legs against the wall in a kind of ‘cycling’ motion (bearing in mind that our walls are paper-thin and I have neighbours either side, I would imagine that they did not really enjoy their early morning wakeup call, I know I didn’t)!!

The terrible twos were a joy! I lost count of the fully fledged tantrums in the town centre, being the focus of many a filthy look from disgusted passers-by as my daughter screamed herself into a frenzy! I also loved the struggle i had to get her into the bloody car seat (Oh how I hated that thing)!  She would go as stiff as a board, and refuse to bend in the middle so it was rather an art to finally get her in and strapped in, However, 2 minutes down the road and she got herself out of it and would get out, so I would have to quickly pull over and start the process again! Oh yes, car seats and safety gates were just a minor annoyance that temporarily stopped her as she had figured out how open the gates as well!!

I was really sad when it came time for my daughter to start primary  school, but as I mentioned in a previous post, she was the child that tried to escape and was given a high vis top to wear so that she was easy to spot in the playground.The fact that she has Asperger’s as well, has caused the odd awkward moment, as she will say whatever she thinks regardless of how other people might be affected by it,….

I remember taking her to a local Garden centre as they were doing a club for young children to encourage them to take an interest in nature and growing things etc. As we were queueing up to register,there were other children who were in front of us giving in their names. my daughter felt that she had to comment on ‘what a stupid name’ they had, to my mortification, and their mother’s fury! I have tried teaching her tact, but she just doesn’t get it!

She has an opinion and everyone is entitled to it!!  At times it can be very amusing, like tonight, as her hair was soaked and knotty after having washed it, I told her to give it a good brushing, but she complained that why should she as it will have to be brushed again tomorrow, she also doesn’t understand why she should have to do homework either for school, as she has already had ‘a hard day’. She thought she could get away with using Google Translator for her French homework, but got busted by the teacher, who was not impressed as it wasn’t even accurate!

She is certainly so much more grown up than I was at 11, and probably gets away with a hell of a lot more than I dared to  at her age, but for all the challenges we face together, I am very proud of my beautiful, and feisty little madam, and know that I am very blessed.

Episode 23: Which end first?!….. — October 21, 2014

Episode 23: Which end first?!…..

Well today I had a lovely surprise when I arrived at work. The ward was closed as we had got several cases of Norovirus. …I had only been in on Saturday and there was no sign of anyone having it then, but it seems to be one of those illness that comes out of nowhere, causes a huge impact, then slinks off again!…

Norovirus is pretty unpleasant, unless of course you are rather partial to partaking in a bit of projectile vomiting, whilst trying to control the diarrhoea that is waiting to explode from the other end! Yes  it is rather nasty, and I wished that I could just turn around and go back home as I knew that we were all going to be in for a busy day….

As I actually walked in through the doors, the unmistakable stench hit my nostrils (just as my sense of smell is returning after giving up the cigs) and there it stayed all day; there was no getting used to it (which normally happens after a while), or even getting away from it;  every single bay had  patients who was suffering with it, and there were two in mine).

The fact that the ward was  closed, meant that no patients would be admitted or discharged, although visitors could still come if they wished to (or were crazy enough to). All staff were even more vigilant than usual and everyone was sporting a bright yellow pinny and gloves, regardless of what job role they had, or which patient they were seeing.

Having said that, the Manager, had previously arranged for a couple of workmen to come onto the ward today and put up some bits and pieces on the wall. They dutifully turned up and started working on their jobs, but I noticed they started looking a bit nervous as they saw people walking about all gowned up. Although these two did not have any direct patient contact I noticed them manically scrubbing and gelling their hands (which is no bad thing anyway), and they got out of our ward in record time!!

The rest of us ran around all day dishing out bedpans and commodes as fast as we could to keep up with demand, as our poor patients continued to suffer.  Funnily enough, the large tin of luxury chocolate biscuits that had been given to the staff as a gift from a relative, were still in the handover room, largely untouched ; nobody seemed to fancy them (this is unheard of, where I work; normally, even if the nurses haven’t managed to get to the goodies, the doctors, physios etc would have polished them off)!! It seemed that most of us had lost our appetites!

Episode 22: Toy Story! — October 20, 2014

Episode 22: Toy Story!

 

When I was in town yesterday, I noticed that there was a brand new toy shop ready getting ready to open shortly, probably just in time for Christmas, and it got me thinking about how different my expectations of toys were when I was growing up.

One of the earliest toys/games I can remember getting in the early 1970s,  was a miniature post office set, with its own stationary and stamps, as well as bank notes and coins (the new decimal ones), postal orders etc. This set kept me and my younger sister amused for hours, We would take it in turns to be postmistress, and dish out money, stamp letters, and so on.

My brothers, had Meccano and Lego, and would build all sorts of things with it, as well as put together Airfix models, which they would sit huddled over, deep concentration on their faces,as they would try to glue together some fiddly part or other! We all used to play the family games like Frustration, Ker Plunk, Buckeroo, Mouse Trap etc, as well as Monopoly and Cluedo. These games, however usually ended in a family punch-up as inevitably one of my brothers would cheat, which would annoy the rest of us, and a lot of shouting and arguing would ensue! This, was all in good fun though and it wouldn’t be long before we would all play something else.

I remember also having this doll which I think was called ‘Tippy Tumbles’. She was battery operated and did forward rolls at the touch of a button. I was enthralled by this doll. The other dolls I had were either Cindy dolls, which I just used to dress in different outfits, or other baby like dolls which would close their eyes when laid down to look like they were sleeping,,They were not as good as my Tippy. Unfortunately though, she didn’t really last long before she got broken !…

Other things I remember playing with as a child were fuzzy felt, sticklebricks, and spirograph (that was fun making all these crazy patterns with the different stencil things)..I also loved to read (still do) and I would have a large collection of books in my room,which I would read over and over, especially those by Enid Blyton (Oh how I wanted to go to a boarding school like Mallory Towers)!

Although a lot of the games and toys that were around when I was younger are still available now (in some cases they have become popular again), children are more interested in the latest video games, or the trendiest apps!..

I must admit that I love an app as much as the next person, but then I am old and past it, and am entitled to while away the odd hour or so on trying to level up in Candy Crush or Farmville, or even beat my sister on 80’s music on Quiz Up, but it does seem a shame that today’s kids would rather get out their phones or tablets to play, then sit down around a table playing a good old board game!!

A lot of the kids also don’t have the patience to painstakingly piece together little bits in order to make a model aeroplane or complete a jigsaw puzzle; they are used to getting things now and do not want to wait for the end result. Some children don’t even like to read books anymore, which is a shame as they are missing out on so much; what it is to become immersed in a story. I still have some of my books from childhood where I have written my name and age proudly in the flyleaf as they were very dear possessions.

As for dolls today, they have really come a long way, they eat, drink, speak and even poo!! The children now are so much more informed than we were, and their expectations of toys and games are a whole world away from what we were happy with . I wish the toy shop lots of luck…I think they might need it!

Episode 21: All Sewn Up!! — October 19, 2014

Episode 21: All Sewn Up!!

As Christmas will soon be upon us, I decided that I would get out my sewing machine and try to make something festive….

My younger sister is pretty creative; Every Christmas her house is festooned with stockings that she has made for various people, all named,and with other little personal touches to make them extra special. She has festive bunting, also home-made, plus loads of other little Christmas bits and pieces that she has created over the years, .This along with the various tasteful lights she has, always makes her house seem magical .

Christmas dinner around her house is not only a gargantuan feast (she is a fantastic chef),  but everyone has a little personalised place-name, and the table is dressed to perfection, everything matching, and it is obvious that a lot of thought and effort has gone into it.

I am rather envious of how homely and welcoming her house is, and thought that I would have a go at making something Christmassy for my daughter that she can use each year, and maybe even for her own future children; after all Christmas is all about family and tradition….

I had already seen some thing that I wanted to make, It was an Advent bag! My sister had handmade a beautiful Advent Calendar herself with lots of different materials and little pockets for gifts each day, but I thought that might be a little ambitious for me and the Advent Bag  it was going to be.

I had actually bought the materials I needed over the last week, as I had seen this pattern some time ago. Mr Grump had resigned himself to the fact that I was determined to make this bag, and he reluctantly accompanied me into the fabric shop. I got out my little list of things I needed, but I hadn’t really been very specific so I ended up buying far too much stuff! A metre of velcro sounds about right. Oh and I need some fabric glue etc, until I came out of there as light in the purse as Mr Grump was purple in the face!!

I searched the town for other bits I needed, and ended up buying some velcro dots as well (they seemed easier to use), E Bay took care of the other small pieces I needed, and today as I had got all of my equipment together and had a bit of time on my hands (This giving up smoking lark has given me a bit of extra time plus I needed to do something with my hands) I was ready to begin.

Looking at the Tutorial (I had to make sure it was a step-by step one with photos) I reckoned it would only take me about an hour and I was looking forward to seeing the end result,..By the time I had got out my sewing machine, ironing board and other paraphernalia, I had lost a bit of enthusiasm, but as Miss Hap was out playing, and Mr Grump had fallen asleep in his chair, I decided I would get on as I had a bit of peace, with no interference.

I cut out all the bits I needed according to the pattern, and now came the exciting part of putting everything together…

Step 1, prepare pocket….I hadn’t cut out a bit for a pocket, there was nothing on the pattern for a bloody pocket!! Oh, well. I’ll have to wing it, and cut a bit of fabric that looks about the right size. That done I started on the outside…of the bag..After 3 attempts of sewing and unpicking, then re-sewing, that looked ok, so now the inside…great I have to attach the sodding pocket but it doesn’t say how..I did  what I thought looked right and carried on…

The velcro dots I bought were way too big for what I wanted, as were the lovely bright number stickers, but undaunted I made do with what I had, and wrote the numbers on by hand, plus cut strips of velcro from the metre I had bought (I used in total about 20cm)! Great now all I had to do were the finishing touches…

As I turned the bag the right way round I realised that I had put the bottom on the bag the wrong way around! Never mind, I managed to unpick that and put it right, Also the stupid pocket was sewn in down the side instead of across the back! Bugger! Oh well I took the scissors to the bag and cut the offending pocket straight out, no-one would even know that it was supposed to be there anyway!!

At last the finished result!! Mr Grump had somehow managed to sleep throughout most of my swearing, cursing and slamming around, but he wisely said  I had done a good job.  Miss Hap, however, had just come in from playing, and I said to her to stay out of the front  room for a minute as I was making something for her, and I didn’t want her to see it! “Oh no, you’re not making me a Halloween costume are you?” Great! I had spent ages making this damn thing that I hoped she would enjoy come December, but unfortunately Miss Hap has had previous experience of my sewing frenzies in the past (She still has the summer dress I made her out of ‘liquorice all sorts’ material unworn in her wardrobe)!!

Episode 20: Puppy Love — October 12, 2014

Episode 20: Puppy Love

We have a little Cavalier King Charles spaniel, who is about 2 years old and she is adorable! She is a rescue dog that we have had since she was about 5  months old and is totally part of our family now. Mr Grump  spoils her rotten and she in turn, adores him. Wherever he goes, she trots on behind him,and it is very sweet to see them both snuggled up in the armchair together…

Even Miss Hap has grown to love her…at first she was a little jealous of the attention the dog got, but that soon passed, and she has even been known to take the dog out for walks now and again, as well as play games with her out in the garden.

A few days ago, my friends’ golden labrador gave birth to a litter of 8 puppies, and I was desperate to go and see them. Mr Grump had already beaten me to it, and said they were gorgeous, so Friday evening we piled around to have a look….Oh they were so beautiful… as the lab was crossed with a retriever, the pups were varying in colours from golden to ginger.

The nagging started as soon as I got home.. I wanted to have one of the puppies when they were ready to be homed, but Mr Grump was not to be persuaded! We had already discussed getting another dog from the rescue centre as a companion for our little dog, plus we felt that we could give one more dog a loving home ,but on a practical level, we could only have another small dog…they are cute though ….

Episode 19: Patch me up and I’ll be ok!! — October 10, 2014

Episode 19: Patch me up and I’ll be ok!!

Today has been a bit of an odd day really. I’m on day 9 of not smoking, and I am so pleased that I have managed to make it this far without caving in to temptation….

Today I was working in a different bay to where I normally work, (but a change is a good as a rest), so after greeting everyone with a cheery ‘Good morning,’ it was time to make sure everyone had eaten their breakfast and see if they needed anything before I started on the drugs round. The care worker,  who was working with me , asked if I could help her to get one of the ladies onto a commode, as she was a little tricky to transfer with just one person.

Of course, I put on my pinny and gloves and we both helped to get the patient on the toilet…As I turned around, I noticed a few small, brown deposits on the floor, oh dear, my poor lady had a bit of an accident. I warned my co-worker to be careful, of the mess on the floor, but it was already too late; one of the deposits was a bit smudged and flattened, and as realisation dawned on my co-worker, she held up her foot for inspection, and sure enough she had trodden in it.. and due to having rather deep treads on the underside of her shoes, it had become ingrained deep in the crevices, as well as the couple of blobs that were on the side!

I stifled my laughter as I went to quickly retrieve some clinical wipes to clean up the mess. My co-worker’s face was so comical as she stood balanced on one leg as  I scrubbed at her shoe. Still if this was going to be how the day started, it did not bode well…

However we managed to get through the morning with no further  incidents, but I was feeling a bit twitchy. I had been out to break with the smokers earlier, and we went to the usual bench, which today, was unoccupied, due to it having rained earlier in the morning. However, we had come prepared, and laid out our incontinence pads over the wet seat to keep ourselves dry.I watched enviously today as they fitted in as many cigarettes as they could ,as well as their food, as I really wanted to join them in a cigarette. (I can’t get my head around the fact that I am a NON-SMOKER now).

I resisted the urge of course, and stomped back to work feeling a little disgruntled. After a while I was told that they were giving out flu jabs outside the ward, and as I have had 2 lots of lurgy recently I decided that it might be a good idea for me to get the jab, I joined the end of a massive queue, and whilst waiting I tried to remember which arm I had put my nicotine patch on so that I could get the jab in the other one.I couldn’t find it….I got the jab anyway and went back to the ward.

I saw our ward clerk and I asked her if she could see it on my arm. She couldn’t either so in the end I had the zip on my dress half undone, with her patting me down looking for this bloody patch…No, it was not there! That was why I was really craving a cigarette today, I wasn’t usually this bad. Once I had got over the initial panic of not having my patch on where I roared out to anyone who would listen “I have lost my patch, and I have not smoked for NINE days”. I couldn’t bear the fact that I still had a few hours left before I could get home to replace it, and I did not want to blow all my hard work,

I saw the boss out the corner of my eye and decided that perhaps I had better calm down and sort myself out. I slunk into one of the offices where we write out notes, and set about filling out a long and complicated  form that was needed for one of my patients. By the time I had finished that, the craving was gone and normality resumed for the rest of the shift. It’s a shame that being smoke-free is not stress-free!!

Episode 18: Modern Wonders — October 8, 2014

Episode 18: Modern Wonders

Where would we be without all the modern technology that is literally at our fingertips? .Computers, mobile phones, the Internet, tablets and a whole host of other gadgets that are designed to make communication easier, are now firmly integrated into the majority of our lives,….

Take mobile phones for example, Many people seldom leave home without it, after all, it is so much more than just a phone…You can listen to music on it, take photos and videos with it, catch up with what your friends are doing, by logging onto social networking sites,(plus do many more things I don’t understand) and and even, at a push actually TALK to someone on it!!

How excited I was when I saw one of the first mobiles. They looked a little ungainly, being the size of a house brick, but what a great idea they seemed to be. Fancy being able to talk to someone when you were in the middle of nowhere! Things quickly progressed and they became more widely available, I remember them as being a bit of a status symbol at first, and although they were not as huge as when they first came out, they were still pretty hefty! For some reason, those lucky enough to have one in the early days,(usually men),  would strut around, showing off their mobiles, which were normally on a clip dangling from a belt loop at the waist (could be a bit dodgy if they hit in the wrong place as they were pretty chunky and heavy)!!

I couldn’t wait to get one it was not always easy or convenient to find a public phone box that either hadn’t been vandalised, or stank of piss (or worse) or that actually worked! It was so frustrating trying to ring someone, especially when I was still school age, only to manage to get through, hear the pips going to put the money in, then for it to bounce back out again, landing on the floor, and by the time you had picked it up, you had been cut off! Reversing the charges to our house was NOT an option, unless it was a dire emergency.

Now of course, things are so different, and although better in many ways, mobiles can be rather annoying (or at least the people using them are)! I can’t bear it when people are listening to music with their headphones on,and all you can hear is this tinny, scratchy noise; also it does seem rather rude when you are trying to talk to someone and they have their head down texting away to someone, or worse yet, receive an ‘important call’ mid conversation with you and then start chatting loudly to the person on the other end, whilst you are left hanging mid sentence, feeling awkward..

Computers also have come a very long way over the years, At first they were pretty basic, but how clever they were, It didn’t matter if you made a mistake typing a letter out, you could edit it before printing, PLUS plug a joystick in, and you have a games console, how amazing was that! Then came something truly spectacular, way beyond the limits of my imagination,,,,THE INTERNET!!

Ooooh the tension waiting  to see whether or not it would actually connect…. the racket it made when the modem dialled up the connection (Dead give away if you were up half the night on it, and you were supposed to be asleep in bed) then the wonder as you finally got online…..wow, all the things you could do. e-mail, I mean can you believe it? You get send a message to someone on the other side of the world and it would arrived almost instantaneously! What was even more outstanding in my opinion was the first time I spoke to my brother and his family who lived in Malaysia and they even had a CAMERA so I could see them as well! My Mum was beyond disbelief when she saw them all in the little box that came up. No matter that it kept freezing or disconnecting, it was almost like magic to her!

Yes technology is fantastic. It enables us to stay connected to each other in so many ways. We don’t even have to talk to anyone if we don’t want to..a text or e-mail, or perhaps instant message will do the job! We have all got loads of ‘friends’ on various social networking sites, and people have even formed lasting relationships that started off online. We don’t even have to go shopping either if we don’t feel like it! Most supermarkets deliver groceries, and nearly everything else can be ordered online and posted out to you.

There is a lot to be said for technology..it certainly can make our busy lives so much easier in many ways….but, the pleasure of opening a hand-written letter, (trying to decipher the shaky handwriting), on fancy writing paper, or those little notelets, is now becoming lost to text and e-mail. Instead of ‘Thank you’ notes or phone calls for gifts that were sent, there is now usually a text, which, is fine, although a little less personal.

I do love all my gadgets, and they have certainly made my life easier in many ways…. I do miss those old red phone boxes though!!!!

Episode 17: The Sweetest Taboo … — October 7, 2014

Episode 17: The Sweetest Taboo …

Today I’m feeling a little bit sorry for myself!! I have given up unhealthy foods and cigarettes for almost a week now, and it seems that temptation is lurking everywhere, just waiting for me to give in to it.

This morning I really fancied a cigarette,, even though I had my patch on, it did not seem to crush the craving.  I tried to put it out of my mind and set off for work. I noticed that there were two smokers in today, as a few people have recently given up, there are only a handful left. Normally the smokers go to first break together as they are usually desperate for a cigarette, and today was no different. Except for the fact that I had now given up,.. but I went with the smokers anyway.

As we have to hide away in wooded areas to smoke, or go to the bench under the trees, it can get a bit chilly at times. Normally this is water off a duck’s back to a hardened smoker (wind, hail, torrential rain, you name it I have been stood outside in it), but today the wind seemed particularly bitter so I suggested that we sit in my car…

What a dunce I am! I have spent a week trying to get rid of the smell of smoke from my car, clothes and everywhere else, and here I am actively encouraging them to pollute my lovely fresh smelling car..I had even removed the ashtrays that were in there. Still I resisted the urge to join them, and had just breathed in their smoke instead!!!

Feeling rather proud of myself that I had passed one of the challenges I knew I would be facing in quitting the cigarettes; next time I would join the non smokers in the canteen, where it is warm and dry! I went back to work after break, only to find that one of our patient’s relatives had bought some rather nice biscuits for the staff to share… Even though I don’t usually buy biscuits myself (Mr Grump has a stash, but he gets the boring ones anyway, so I am not usually bothered) these biscuits looked rather delicious however,,, crumbly, chocolatey, they would be lovely dunked in my coffee, but no, they are forbidden.

I ended up getting home from work late, absolutely starving , and was looking forward to dinner, which Mr Grump had made. I am not one for spicy food normally, and he had made something which was marinated in chilli and salt and it nearly took the roof of my mouth off, it was so HOT!! I gulped down some water, to try to quell the heat, and managed to finish off the meal.

Just after dinner, Miss Hap had gone upstairs to do her homework, when she was shouting down excitedly, “The Ice Cream Van is here, can I have one please?” I thought he had hibernated for the winter, but agreed that she could have one. Back she came with a double chocolate cornett, plus swirl of Mr Whippy ice cream on top, and a flake shoved in the side, all dripping with chocolate sauce. I WANTED THAT ICE CREAM! Not only would it taste delicious, but it would soothe the inferno that was still raging from the chilli. I have to admit that I  persuaded Miss Hap to let me have the very tip of the swirl on top, and it did taste good!

I know I am being really silly, in craving these things that are not good for me anyway, but forbidden fruit always tastes sweeter, so the saying goes, and I am not one who likes to miss out!

I’m consoling myself that in 6 months time I will hopefully be slimmer, fitter and healthier, but in the meantime, I will probably end up giving Mr Grump a run for his money, when it comes to moaning and complaining!!!

Episode 16: Let’s Hear It For The Boys! — October 6, 2014

Episode 16: Let’s Hear It For The Boys!

Usually I like to get up early, but this morning when my phone alarm went off at 5.15am I wanted to pulverize it into little pieces, and sink back into a deep sleep. As I had very little sleep over the weekend, my head felt heavy, as I dragged myself out of bed to begin the day.

Unfortunately, I had to wake Mr Grump up as he was taking me to work today as Einstein was going to be fixing my car. His bulging eyes in a blanched, pale face told me that he still had his man flu, and just to confirm this, he let out one of his enormous sneezes. This is going to be a good day, I can tell……

As I entered the ward I realised I had forgotten to put on my belt with my uniform (Great, now I am going to be in the shit with the boss)! I might have mentioned before that I have no waist, so this bloody belt does nothing for me anyway, and I spend all day trying to re-arrange it so that it is somewhere around my middle. I could of course, wear the  tunic and trousers but for some obscure reason, I always get an ugly-looking rash on my lower leg that itches like hell, besides the fact that I look even worse in trousers than I do in the dress! Anyway…it was no good fretting over the belt, I was not brave enough to ask Mr Grump to come all the way back with it, so I would just have to hope that it went unnoticed.

Handover arrives, and out of the six of us that have turned up (Still short-staffed as usual), four of us have had this awful lurgy, and as the night staff tried to hand over, they were drowned out by various, snorts, sniffs, coughs and splutters, that had still remained with us. The other two poor unaffected staff are subtly moving their chairs out a bit from the table we are all sat around, trying fruitlessly to avoid the germs that are no doubt whizzing around in the air, looking for someone new to latch onto.

I was allocated to my usual Bay with six ladies, but the difference was this time, I was on my own! Usually there are at least two of us to a Bay, but as there weren’t enough of us to go around, and my bay was relatively easy, as I had 2 patients that could get about to the toilet, and could wash themselves with only a little help, it was decided that I could manage by myself, and if necessary ask the nurse-in-charge to help out.

It started off ok, breakfasts eaten, drugs administered, washing equipment given to those that needed it etc, and I was just going to give some help to someone else that needed it, when I was distracted by a patient from another Bay who was desperately trying to escape from the ward by the exit, which is right next to my bay. The nurse looking after her was trying to coax her back away from the door, but she was not having it, and lashed out at the nurse with the small teddy that she constantly carries around with her.

I tried to help, but to no avail, she was pulling at the doors, and banging on the glass trying to get out (we have a code to get into our ward as the doors have to be locked to stop absconders, and to get out you have to press a button on the wall some way from the door). Meanwhile, people were trying to get through the doors so there was a lot of dancing around trying to stop her getting out, whilst letting people in, trying to avoid getting whacked by the teddy at the same time!

After a while the patient got annoyed with the doctor who was innocently  reading some notes near to where she was standing, and once she had vented her spleen at him, she seemed to temporarily calm down and headed off back down the ward away from the door, swiftly followed by the harassed nurse, looking rather bedraggled as a few well-aimed blows had managed to dislodge some of her hair that was carefully tied back.

Normality resumed for a while and I got on with getting everyone washed,dressed, beds made, and helped them to sit out on their chairs, as it was by now nearly lunchtime  I could hear some shouting coming towards me , and I knew that it was the same patient coming back to have another go at getting away, this time even more angry and determined than before, and she was sparing no-one that tried to stand in her way…

It was at this moment,, that a senior matron came onto the ward, with about 10 eager Italian nurses in tow, who had just been employed by out hospital, and were visiting various wards to get a feel for what work here is like…luckily, the patient’s husband (who had been called to try to calm her down),had turned up, and had whisked her off into an office, uttering soothing words, as he went. It didn’t last that long before she started shouting at him though, before she wore herself out, and went to her bed to sleep for a while.

I managed to get through the rest of my shift (I usually only work ‘short days’) uneventfully, and just as I was writing up the last of my notes, the ward phone rang and it was for me. Mr Grump had come to pick me up and was waiting outside ( I know he is ill but it was bang on finishing time, and there was no need to ring me on the ward phone, for goodness sake) Impatient to get going and get home where he could suffer in peace,  I informed him that I had offered for him to give the ward clerk a lift home as we had an unexpected downpour; as she had a 30 minute walk, and would get soaked, I knew he wouldn’t mind dropping her off in the opposite direction to where we live, on a very busy road, with a huge school that had just finished for the day, culminating in a massive traffic jam!

Credit where it’s due, he put a smile on his face and even chatted a bit on the journey, and didn’t  swear when a van pulled out of a side street and he had to jam on the brakes to avoid it!

It’s quite sweet really, that although we might take our partners for granted a bit, they do put up with a lot. That poor patient’s husband bore the brunt of her tongue lashing as well as a good few clouts from teddy, with patience and understanding, even though it really hurt him to see her like that… and although Mr Grump does love to have a moan about everything, he was good enough to take me to and from work although he didn’t feel like it at all.

Marsha Ingrao Always Write

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