‘Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.’
This post was inspired by LindaGHill and her brilliant One-Liner Wednesday posts.
Category: humour
Can you believe that it is week 10 already of my wacky word Wednesday. I have really enjoyed doing these as they are such fun. Today I have got a bit of a rude word for you, but it sounds so funny and always makes me laugh. It has several meanings as well so a pretty versatile word all round.
Bollocks. Well doesn’t that just roll off the tongue nicely. This word is so much nicer than gonads and testes, balls and even plums. A kick in the bollocks has a much better sound to it!
This word is also babbling balderdash, meaningless mumbo jumbo, and nothing but nonsense!
What about the mutt’s nuts? This word is primped and polished, stylish and smart, in fact, perfectly pukka!
Lastly, this word used as a verb without the ‘s’ is very stern and severe, giving a good telling off, not to mention a tongue-lashing! A reproof and reprimand of the highest order
It is also one of my favourite words.
Things are heating up around here as I get ‘in the mood’ for my Tuesday Tidbit post. Speaking of which, I am interested in knowing what ‘lights your fire’ when it comes to getting ready to get it on. Here are a few of the more obvious ones:
Setting the scene. Most of us are familiar with this old chestnut! The candle-lit meal, good food, good wine, a bit of Barry White (or whatever floats your boat) playing soft and low. Something sexy for dessert, like strawberries or chocolate or both, that you can feed each other, or just have each other for dessert!
Watching a sexy movie together. Mind you be careful that you don’t go over the top and put on something hardcore that will scare your partner to death, thinking they are going to have a lot to live up to, or it might end up killing the mood! By the same token, a Disney movie is not going to get you very far either (unless of course, that just happens to be your thing)!
Give Each Other A Massage A sensual massage can be a great lead-up to a bit of loving. Hands stroking all over the body discovering all those sensitive little places…let’s hope that no-one is ticklish!
Having a Bath or Shower together. This can definitely become very steamy; slippery soap, lathering each other up, especially in all those little crevices. Providing no-one burns themselves on the hot tap, or sits on the plug, then bathtime can be lots of fun! Just don’t over-fill it or there could be a bit of a tidal wave with all that motion!
Do any of these get you in the mood, or is it something else entirely?
We have got some great words to work with again this week from Ronovan for his weekly Haiku challenge.
This is what I have managed to come up with this week.
I guide my sweet peas;
I’m hoping they’re bountiful
I’m mad as they’re sparse!
As some of you may know, we are in the midst of a heat wave at the moment here in the UK, and of course some of us are suffering due to the heat, which quite frankly we are not used to.
I am not going to moan about the weather this time, just tell you a couple of funny stories. The first one was on Thursday afternoon. I came home from work and Mr Grump was out, he had finished a little before me and my sister and niece had phoned him up to see if he wanted to join them at a local pub for a pint.
Never one to miss such an opportunity, he jumped at the chance. After all, a nice refreshing beer in this heat is rather welcome. The pub is recently under new management and they are doing their best to encourage some more punters in, offering SKY Sports TV, showing all the football, and a new menu .However, their biggest boast was the fact that they are ‘doing their bit for the regulars in this heat wave by watering down the beer!’
I was working today and as I have mentioned it is stifling hot up on the ward, and everyone moans about it (we are allowed to go tightless now though). Relatives are hot and flustered, and staff are dripping with sweat (literally) and florid of face!
The only people who do not complain are the patients who relish the heat. Having said that, it was so hot up there today we actually had the windows open and none of the patients asked us to close them.
Around 10 o’clock whilst we are still trying to carry out our morning washes on the patients, (we have all got gloves & aprons on). we hear the dreaded sound of ‘ne-ner-ne-ner STAGE 1 ALERT.’ Oh no, not the bloody fire alarm! This means that there could be a fire on the same floor but not necessarily near our ward. It does mean however that we have to go around and shut every window and door as a precaution!
To say that was rather a fraught half hour until we were told to ‘STAND DOWN’ would be rather an understatement!
As I am sure many of you know, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge had their daughter Princess Charlotte christened over the weekend. Today has seen the release of the official photographs, which I just happened upon as I was reading the online newspaper.
What made me laugh is the newspaper had some ‘etiquette expert’ analyse it, and he came to the conclusion that the Middletons (Catherine’s family),are very ‘middle class!’ This is due to them mostly choosing beige as the colour of their outfits, which is neutral and therefore not offensive to anybody! Likewise the walls of the room the photo was taken were also beige. As this was the Queen’s private residence in Norfolk, I bet she would also rank as middle-classed.
God knows how a colour can define your social standing, but I can only imagine how low in the pecking order I would be as I love colour! Especially as it is the summer time. Yellow is my favourite colour, but I love orange and red, gold and silver, lime green, mint green, anything that is bright and cheerful.
Think of all the beautiful flowers and their vibrant colours, I don’t know about you but looking at them really lifts my mood. I understand that loud, garish colours are not always appropriate, but neither is bland old beige!
I have noticed that there have not been any BeWoW prompts for a little while now. I like doing these posts as it is great to focus on something positive. Just writing a post focusing on the positive can lift the mood, as does reading them. So I have decided that today I am going to talk about something that makes me happy which is out very own blogging community.
For me, this has been one of the best things of all about blogging, The wonderful people that I have been able to interact with, some on a daily basis. There are still a few people that I have ‘met’ right at the beginning who I am still in regular contact with. It is fascinating to see how our respective blogs have changed and grown over that time, yet we still have that strong connection with each other.
I am privileged to have met so many people through WordPress that have taught me so much as well. I have some lovely new author friends, and have read a couple of books that I may not have been aware of if it wasn’t for my blog! I have got a few lined up as well to keep me going for a while.
I have been introduced to the haiku as well. There is a fantastic community that participate in the weekly challenge, and everyone is supportive, and kind. I love to see how everyone else interprets the prompt words each week, as much as I love to have a go at it myself!
There are poets, musicians, writers, story-tellers, people who are so creative and crafty, wonderful cooks and chefs, farmers, people who deal with mental illness sharing their triumphs and troubles, teachers. It’s like having a living encyclopaedia; if I want to know about something, I am pretty sure one of my blogging friends would have the answer!
I love the fact that due to the various time differences, there is always someone online, new posts to read, people to interact with, who offer support and encouragement! It is somewhere where someone like me, who is pretty awkward in social situations, feels like they belong and are accepted despite being a bit of a klutz!
‘If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places.’
This post was inspired by LindaGHill
I am in the mood for another wacky, weird or wonderful word, and seeing as it is Wednesday, I’m in luck as I can get to resurrect one that is not used often enough. Today’s offering, sounds very old-fashioned and rather lofty, but I love it.
Flabbergast. This word amazes and dazes, confounds and dumbfounds. It’s a ‘you could have knocked me down with at feather’ type of word; shock and surprise follows it wherever it goes. In fact in can be strong enough to startle or stun the unsuspecting.
It is news that can appal and enthrall, as well as overawe, being both frightful and delightful. Hmmm, that sounds a bit like me, depending what mood I am in!
For today’s Tidbit post, I have decided to forego writing a poem as I have done for the previous couple of Tuesdays, and have decided to go for a bit of humour instead. (This heatwave is already far too hot for me to be adding it, by writing anything too raunchy)!
What I thought I would do is write a few of the popular euphemisms for sex that we use. be they coy or coarse, just for a bit of fun!
Rumpy-pumpy, and hanky-panky. – They sound so childish but I do love a rhyme.
Having a bit of ‘how’s your father’ – Very Carry On!
Slap and tickle – This sounds a little on the 50 Shades spectrum if you ask me!
Assault with a friendly weapon – God, how cringeworthy!
Bonking or humping – these just make me laugh.
Shagging – Yeah Baby! Very Austin Powers.
Making looooove – That always seems a bit smarmy to me, and a bit too smooth, very Mills and Boon! (I am more of a Jilly Cooper/Jackie Collins type of girl myself)!!!
Rogering – Very British!
Shafting or screwing – these sound too painful, as well as a bit DIY!
Dipping the wick – Sounds gross!
Which one is your favourite, or is it something totally different?
Marsha Ingrao Always Write
Having fun blogging with friends
Rachael's Thoughts
Lifestyle blog featuring the fabulous North East and beyond
My Window
Sharing my thoughts, poems, travel & art
WordPress.com Apps
Apps for any screen
Learning to write
Just your average PhD student using the internet to enhance their CV
Jemverse
Life in words
Stuff and what if...
Exploring writing and the creative randomness of life. Snapshots of moments.
Aakashsoyanthone
Aakashsoyanthone
Gin & Lemonade
...with a twist.
Peacock Poetry
by Sam Allen
Tallis Steelyard
The jumbled musings of Tallis Steelyard
Diary of a Dublin Housewife
Diary of a Dublin Housewife
Carolina Russo Art
Capturing Essence: Intuitive Watercolors, Fine Art, Illustrations, and Reiki-Infused Creations
Two on a Rant
Rants, humor, sarcasm, and a haiku-like substance? It's hard to know what's going to come out of our minds next.
We Are Holistic
Promoting a Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit
Cindy Knoke
Photography, Birds and Travel
pensitivity101
An onion has many layers. So have I!
Fatty McCupcakes
Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets
From Michigan to Germany
A family from Michigan living abroad in Germany.
Rhyme and No Reason! 
You must be logged in to post a comment.