Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 336: #BeWoW Post. How I Connect. — May 20, 2015

Episode 336: #BeWoW Post. How I Connect.

This Post is inspired by Ronovan’s Writes Be Wonderful on Wednesday.

As I was thinking about what to write here, I came to the conclusion that actually, I am not really great at connecting, at least not in most situations.

The fact that I have a blog and belong to an online community means that I do connect with others on a daily basis, sending comments back and forth, and getting into interesting conversations, and finding the funny side of things. This seems to be where I am most comfortable!

I am very shy and can sometimes come across as aloof in person, despite that being far from the truth. It just seems that I am so much better at expressing myself with the written word rather than the spoken one! This does not bode well in social situations though. Funnily enough, although I hate job interviews, I have always been quite lucky in that I have overcome the fear and secured the job, on many occasions. That was probably due to the fact that I knew I had to do it, or I would be jobless and penniless!

As far as my family and close friends are concerned, I am much better at making connections. It has always taken me a little while to get to know people to the point where I can just be myself with them. Last year for example, we had a family friend come over to visit us from Sweden where he now lives. He has known me since I was 9 years old, and we were in my mum’s back garden with other members of my family. He couldn’t get over how much I was joining in, laughing and making jokes. That is the real me, but not that many people get to see it because of my inability to connect well with others I do not know.

One of the other ways I connect with people is again through the written word but this time, a poem which is nearly always a funny little ditty. Whenever there is a family wedding, special celebration or even sad event I have always written a poem for that person. It is just my way of letting them know that I care for them, even though I am not good at saying it face to face.

We are not a ‘lovey-dovey’ type of family, Well, at least we were not brought up like that, My parents did not ever tell any of us that they loved us, as that is just the way it was then. However. all of us constantly tell our kids that we love them as it is important to have that security and knowledge to know you are loved. Love is certainly the strongest of connections, and I do have that bond with my daughter.

Mainly,in one way or another, whether written or spoken, I connect with people through humour. I think it is so much easier to make a connection with people if you are all laughing together!

Episode 334: Compliments and Kisses! — May 19, 2015

Episode 334: Compliments and Kisses!

Us Brits are not very good at accepting compliments as a rule. We have that kind of self-deprecating humour, which I know I use a lot of the time. (I feel that it is better for me to get in first with the put-downs before someone else beats me to it).

It’s weird, that if someone does tell me that I look nice in an outfit, for example, I will soon draw attention to how big my tummy looks in it, or perhaps my chunky legs spoil the look. Whatever it is, whoever gave me the compliment probably soon regretted it; not only that, they also now know yet even more of my flaws that just maybe hadn’t been too obvious before I helpfully pointed them out!

The thing is, for me in particular, I was brought up to believe that you should be modest, never boast about anything and that it was not nice to be a ‘big-head!’ I don’t remember getting many compliments as a child probably to reinforce the message that ‘nobody likes a show-off!’

It is tricky to know where to draw the line as well. I was so proud when I graduated as it was only a couple of years ago, and therefore something I had to work pretty hard at to achieve, yet it felt really awkward when I told people about it, as I didn’t want them to think that I was ‘up myself!’

I am getting better at it now, especially at work, where we do get compliments at times;(in fact I got not one but two kisses today, which was sweet as I don’t usually look after the men)! However, I still can’t resist making a detrimental joke about myself most of the time!

What makes you feel awkward?

Episode 332: Make Mine A Pint Please! — May 17, 2015

Episode 332: Make Mine A Pint Please!

Yesterday evening was unexpectedly pleasant, and after having a bit of a rough couple of weeks, in one way or the other, Mr Grump suggested we take the 5 minute walk down to the local pub, and take Roxy with us. She always loves an extra walk loves it when we sit outside at the pub as people quite often make a fuss of her.

We met up with Miss Hap who was with her friend at the park; she stayed long enough to cadge some money for some sweets, before deciding that the park was much more fun than sitting with us old gits and going back off to play.

As the back garden of the pub was packed, we sat at one of the two tables out the front which was like a little sun trap. There are a number of shops there as well as the vet’s surgery where Roxy goes to get her jabs when needed. (She is the only dog I know that loves the vets and tires to drag us in there every time we walk past).

Sure enough, when Mr Grump went in to get our drinks a little girl came over and made a huge fuss of Roxy which she loved. Mr Grump came out with the drinks and a couple of packets of my favourite steak crisps which Roxy is rather partial to as well.

As you can see by the photo, Roxy loves a drop of beer and Mr Grump let her have some of the froth from his, although I am sure she would have drunk the lot if he had let her! Luckily they both managed to walk home ok!

Episode 329: You Know You Are Addicted to Blogging When…… — May 14, 2015

Episode 329: You Know You Are Addicted to Blogging When……

  • One of the first things you do in the morning is to log on to see whether you have any comments or not.
  • You have the ‘WordPress’ App on every device you own and are not afraid to use it!
  • Even when at work, as soon as you have a break, you check your mobile phone for notifications.
  • Whenever something happens, especially if it is funny, you have to blog about it.
  • You have to put your mobile on ‘silent’ at night, because if you hear it vibrate you cannot rest until you have looked at it to see if it is a notification from WordPress.
  • Your family knows exactly where to find you…at your laptop blogging.
  • In conversation, you find yourself saying…”Oh yes, I read/heard about that on (insert blog name).”
  • You find yourself becoming interested in statistics for once in your life, just so you can figure out how many ‘hits’ you have had!
  • You lap up any information you can that gives hints and tips on becoming a better blogger!
Episode 325: Ice, Ice Baby! — May 12, 2015

Episode 325: Ice, Ice Baby!

Now I am pretty lucky that Mr Grump is rather handy in the DIY department, and will tackle most jobs.However, I am the worst person in the world to have around when things like that have to be done, as I get really stressed out about the mess and the hassle! Added to that the fact that I am not feeling so good at the moment, means that tempers might be a bit fraught if there are any jobs that Mr Grump wants to get done.

My niece has recently moved and we have bought her lovely huge fridge freezer as it is unfortunately too big. It is not quite a year old and has a water and ice facility that has so far never been used as it was never plumbed in. Mr Grump decided straight away that he would be able to do that, and ordered metres of thin pipe needed for the connection as well as some other bits.

After a lot of maneuvering of stuff that was in the way in our kitchen, the new fridge freezer was in place and work was due to commence on Saturday morning which I was dreading! In order to connect it to the nearest water pipe he was going to drill a hole through the kitchen into the downstairs loo, cut the pipe near the sink and fit a new connection.

I got out of the way! After the most horrendous loud drilling that went right through me, and shattered my already frayed nerves, there was a load of banging about, a bit of cursing and then he said he had done it.

Wow, that was quicker than I had expected. He said he was going to turn the water supply back on and that was it. Great. I waited in anticipation. Psssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that was a funny noise, but I didn’t move off of the sofa. Mr Grump went to investigate in the kitchen, and yes the water was connected to the pipe but was pouring all over the floor. I think he had missed the bit about connecting that bit of pipe to the bloody thing itself!

I left him to clean up the mess (with my nice tea cloths and kitchen towels Grrrrr), and went online to find the online manual that shows how to connect up the other bit. Anyway, he did manage to sort it out, and I was called out into the kitchen for a ceremonial glass of water from the tap on the new fridge.

It took him quite a bit longer to suss out how to make the ice, but he did it and was feeling pretty pleased with himself. Miss Hap decided she needed to try it for herself and I could hear the humming noise it made but no ice came out. Mr Grump went back to fiddle with it, and made some more.

Later that night just before bed Mr Grump got me a glass of water from the fridge this time to take up with me as I usually do. He asked me if I wanted ice (I didn’t), I thought I would humour him and let him show off so I said yes.

Humming noise, no ice; humming noise, no ice! He opened the door, and I pointed out to him that he should not have put the over on the ice making bit, it was to be stored separately if ice was being used. He crossly told me that he hadn’t put it there (he had)!

Anyway, he put the glass of water under the ice tap and a whole load of ice cubes came flying out of the compartment and all over the floor. That didn’t please him at all. He picked all the ice up, raging and moaning whilst I stood there, shoulders shaking trying not to laugh. He then stomped off to bed leaving me to get my own ice. Really!

Episode 311: Standoffs and Scuffles As Election Fever Heats Up! — May 2, 2015

Episode 311: Standoffs and Scuffles As Election Fever Heats Up!

Miss Hap wanted to go into town today as she was pretty fortunate in getting some money for her birthday. We still had one of her friends with us from last night’ s sleepover, and off we all headed off.

As is the norm, we headed straight for Starbucks when we got there, which was packed, as it was mid-morning. The girls went in to get the drinks whilst myself and Mr Grump tried to find a table outside. We ended up sharing a table with a young woman as it was so busy. The girls of course, did not want to be seen with us so they sat inside.

Directly opposite us, a few feet away, UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party) had set up a small stall. As we are voting in the General Election in less than a week. some of the candidates are still trying to persuade as many people as they can to vote for them.

They had a load of balloons tied to their stall, leaflets to give to the public, and cardboard placards with information on for those that were interested. Their actual candidate wore a rumpled  cream suit, and there were a couple of older women there giving out leaflets to passers-by. An old man hunched over, and a rather heavy-set middle-aged man were also milling about.

I didn’t really pay that much attention to them as I talked to Mr Grump, but a couple of ‘bangs’ had me looking over in that direction. Some gangly young man decided that he would enjoy himself by popping the balloons and knocking down the placards. Crumpled suit was nowhere in sight, but the old guy was straight in there pushing and shoving the young one around and getting irate. It looked as though he was going to swing for him and do himself an injury, as he was pretty unsteady on his feet.

Sensing a bit of action might take place, the heavy-set man waddled over and started wading in. From out of nowhere another youngish man joined them who was wearing a natty suit and tie. He too was trying to talk the youth out of destroying the stall, as it appeared that the young man objected to UKIP’s policies and he decided that it would be a good idea to show his displeasure by trashing the stall!

What made me laugh though, was it turned out that the man in the suit that had come over, was actually one of the ‘Green Party’ who had set their stall up a few feet further down the road. He had seen the disturbance, and thought that it would be a great opportunity for him to go over and persuade the balloon popper to vote for his party instead!

Talk about making the most of an opportunity!

Episode 307: Uplifting Movies! — April 28, 2015

Episode 307: Uplifting Movies!

This post is inspired by A Momma’s View and But I Smile Anyway.

Both of these lovely ladies have been awarded the ‘Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award’ which is very well deserved, They both have fantastic blogs, which, if you have not checked out yet, please do as you are missing out! Anyway, one of the questions asked was ‘what is your favourite animated film?’ and I decided to write a post about this as suggested by Momma.

Animated films, especially Disney ones, have always been a part of my life. i remember as a child always being taken to see the latest release. I cried in ‘Pinocchio’ when he got swallowed by the whale apparently. I loved ‘Cinderella’ and ‘Snow White’ although I was a bit scared of the evil step-mother (I was a sensitive child)!

Films like ‘The Lady and The Tramp’ and ‘The Aristocats’ were great as well, as was ‘101 Dalmatians.’ There always seemed to be some kind of moral in these films, and of course, they always had a happy ending, which made me feel better.

More recently we have the CGI films as well such as ‘Tangled’,’Despicable Me’ and the ‘Shrek’ films.I loved all of those. These films seem to consider the adults that are watching them as well, and there is normally a lot of humour in them that goes straight over a child’s head, but give the parents a good laugh. Donkey in ‘Shrek’ just makes me laugh every time he says anything!

I love the cleverness of ‘Shrek’ as well. Mike Myers is a genius in my opinion! The way he depicts the fairy tale characters is so funny. Look at how he made Prince Charming such a mummy’s boy, and a baddie as well; and what about mad Merlin in his little dress?! I could go on, but actually, I haven’t even got to my favourite film yet!

This brings me to ‘Up’, the story about an old man, a boy and a house. It had so many messages in this film; friendship, love, determination, dreams, sorrow, and finally acceptance. I have to say that both me and Mr Grump cried in this film (he is a big softy under all that grouchiness)!

It was the fact that the old man was so sad to lose his wife. They had built a dream together and he was going to see it through right to the end, despite the many obstacles that were put in his way. However, it transpired after looking through his wife’s scrap-book that he had already fulfilled her dream before she died. I also thought it was so touching how the crabby old man and the overly cheerful little boy managed to find a connection with each other at the end.

I am pretty useless nowadays at watching films without falling asleep, but my inner child always keeps me awake during the animated ones!

Episode 305: I’ve Had Enough Of Your Lip Kylie Jenner! — April 26, 2015

Episode 305: I’ve Had Enough Of Your Lip Kylie Jenner!

Celebrities sometimes have a lot to answer for. Many of them are role models to our young and impressionable who want to ‘fit in.’ They think that by emulating some of their idols behaviour they too will be popular and successful, even if it makes them look ridiculous!

The latest craze, apparently attributed to Kylie Jenner, is to make your lips look like you have been punched in the mouth! Now why anyone would find this attractive is beyond me, but what do I know? I am old and past it!

To achieve said look, also described as bee-stung lips (if you ask me it is more like anaphylaxis after being stung), you are supposed to put a glass (preferably a shot glass) over the lips, suck all the air out, prise it off, and admire your massive mouth!

This is just wrong on so many levels! Not only is it dangerous, (the glass could break cutting into the mouth), but for some, the ‘trout pout’ look takes a few days to go back down again. A few youngsters have suffered bruising as well as split lips, and even for those where it has supposedly ‘worked,’ they resemble a duck with an abscess!

Unfortunately,  Miss Hap has had a go at this without saying anything beforehand. I am annoyed as I had vaguely heard about it before but didn’t think she would want to try it! I am hoping that it will go down quickly as it looks painful apart from anything else.

Next time she wants a drink she can have a plastic beaker and not a glass!

Swollen Lips

Episode 303: You Know You Are An Old Codger When……. — April 24, 2015

Episode 303: You Know You Are An Old Codger When…….

  • You bend down to pick something up, and not only do your knees creak more than a door that needs oiling, but you find it really difficult to get back up again!
  • You are too vain to wear your glasses outside of work, but can’t read something unless you hold it up, do the sliding back and forth manoeuvre in front of your face and add in a squint for good measure.
  • You still spend a lot of time in the bathroom, but it is normally because you have to get out so many times a night to go to the loo!
  • High heels are no more than an inch and a half; shoes are for comfort not style!
  • You snore louder than the dog, and have even woken yourself up!
  • You can no longer tolerate much alcohol. The three-day hangover you now get after a couple of glasses of wine is never worth it!
  • Whenever you go anywhere, you have to remember to take your medications with you!
  • Forget the sexy lingerie, it is practical garments that cover the essentials properly!
  • You become rather ‘set in your ways’ and get mad if someone buggers up your routine.
  • If someone rings after 9pm, you are outraged that they would be calling ‘at this time of night’!
  • You try to sing along to your favourite song, and realise (a) it has been remixed, mucked about with and re-released or (b) you have forgotten the words!
  • You are married to a Grumpy Old Git!
Episode 301: Miss Hap’s Mishap! — April 23, 2015

Episode 301: Miss Hap’s Mishap!

Unfortunately, my old nemesis ‘anxiety’ has come calling again recently, and I have been feeling steadily worse as the days go by. What with my gammy eye as well, I don’t look that great either!

Anyway, suffice to say, I have slept a huge amount today, and done very little else. Miss Hap went off to school and Mr Grump to work, so I was pretty undisturbed for most of the day. (What a shame I can’t sleep so well at night)!

By the time Miss Hap came home I had woken up but was still a bit groggy. I noticed though that she appeared to be limping. Before I had a chance to ask what was wrong she thrust a carrier bag at me. Curious, I opened it up, only to find the sole of her shoe in it!

Now school shoes are a bit of a bugbear with Miss Hap, not least because she has extremely flat feet with no arch to them at all. Add to that,  the desire to have something that is not going to be classed as ‘old-fashioned’ (like the Clarks shoes she has had right up until secondary school). It has been quite a challenge all-in-all.

However, we were lucky that just before school started we found some that we liked (as in they were not too high or too flimsy) and that she was prepared to wear. Now, I don’t know if anyone remembers the ‘beetle-crusher’ type shoes (or ‘brothel keepers’ as we used to call them, God knows why), well they have made a comeback.

I think they were originally popular with the ‘Teddy Boys’ of the 60s (I don’t actually think girls wore them), and I quite like them despite my sister (Mrs Masterchef) saying they resembled some sort of orthopaedic shoe!

We bought her some lovely black (of course for school) suede shoes, which in keeping with this style had a one inch thick rubber sole which looks like a caterpillar tread that you have on tanks.These lasted quite well for her as she wears shoes out pretty quick. The next pair we got had ‘jewels’ on them but were not allowed, so we bought this last pair which were not the same quality, hence the detachment of the sole!

Miss Hap thought we could easily remedy the situation with a bit of glue as she is not allowed to wear trainers whilst we sort out some new ones. Oh well. looks like we will have to risk the wrath tomorrow as the jewelled ones will have to make a guest appearance for a day!

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