Rhyme and No Reason!

There seems to be an expectation that a woman should look nice all the time. Yes, that is all well and good, but for me, even if I start off looking nice it doesn’t last long. My hair will get knotty and become more and more kinked as the day goes on; if I am wearing makeup, I will inevitably forget and rub my eye or something, thereby smudging mascara halfway down my face, and end up looking like something out of a horror show.

If I wear heels, it is a disaster waiting to happen. However, it does not stop me as they are so elegant – only not when you go over on the side of the shoe, or get the heel caught in a grate, carry on walking to find you a bit lop-sided and minus a shoe. Worse still, there never seems to be any grip on a pair of heels, and if there is a slippery surface, God help me! The very least I will do is skate and skid for a bit, but more often than not,  end up in a heap on the floor, dazed, legs akimbo, and knickers on show to all and sundry!

All that is when I do make an effort. There are many times when I do not wear make-up. I must frighten people (especially the patients when I am at work) with my pale, pasty skin, and dark circles under my eyes. I also have a ‘determined’ kind of a walk. I can’t help it, but I have shoulders like an American Football player, and someone once referred to me as ‘stocky’! How bloody rude, stocky! Anyway, although I  am short, I probably look a dreadful fright if I were approaching someone from the opposite direction, barging my way forward, ghostly pale, with my Medusa-style hair flying about!

At least we can wear high heels though if we want to, They can make us look taller, our legs look longer and slimmer, and give us a sexy ‘wiggle’ in our walk (well for some women they can). Poor old men dip out a bit here. Especially as some men still feel a bit uncomfortable if they are shorter than their female partner. Now, unless they have got the flair to pull off a high-heeled boot like Prince used to, or Simon Cowell still does, or wear ‘lifts’ in their shoes like Tom Cruise, then they are just going to have to lump it, or stand on a box when being photographed!

Likewise corsets body shapers, Spanx etc.  A woman can try to hide a few inches or look a bit slimmer by cramming our flesh into instruments of torture, or rather, specially made underwear that is designed to flatter the figure, (even if cutting off the circulation).We also have the uplift bras, and chicken fillet things that ‘enhance’ our boobs, while men don’t have that luxury; the best a man can hope to do is shove a shock down his underpants or something. A word of warning here though, there is no point is wearing all this stuff if you are out on the pull because there is going to be a lot of disappointment later on when you unleash the flab and reveal the fried eggs and – well, you get the picture!

However, being a woman does have some advantages… I have, on more than one occasion (more so when younger) acted ‘The Dumb Blonde’ in order to get some help. My friend used to have this really old banger of a car, which broke down more often than it actually went. Many is the time I have had to get out and try to bump start it, or we would open the bonnet and look helplessly inside (none of us knew what we were looking for). I have not refused help if some kindly gentleman has seen us and offered to help push or see if he could work out what the problem is, Thinking about it, I didn’t have to act the dumb blonde, I was one! (As far as cars are concerned at least).

I do love being a woman!