Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 433: Tuesday Titbit. My Top Turn-Offs 18+ — July 28, 2015

Episode 433: Tuesday Titbit. My Top Turn-Offs 18+

I have written in the past  for my Tuesday Tidbit post, about getting  ‘in the mood for getting it on’. Well this week I am going to mention a couple of things (in my opinion). that are likely to kill the mood stone dead.

  • Toe sucking. Yuck, yuck and yuck again! Given my aversion to feet (even my own), this is never going to be top of my list of things to try out in the bedroom. I can think of nothing worse than putting a hairy, yellowing, thick-nailed toe anywhere near my mouth let alone sucking it! Dear God, that sounds more like some form of torture to me (especially if a fungal infection is involved)!
  • Skimpy briefs. These don’t really do it for me at all, and please no, don’t let it be a thong! They look good on absolutely no-one at all! I am not one to be impressed by the ‘posing pouch’ type of underwear, in fact I would probably burst out laughing!
  • Breaking wind. I know some men find it funny, but when in bed with a view to getting a little bit of action, I don’t want to hear anyone ‘parp’ and then get hit with the reek of rotten eggs that has been helpfully wafted in my direction.
  • Trying to skip the starter and head straight for the main course! Like most people, I want the full experience. The kissing, stroking, exploring… building up slowly, taking a bit of time, teasing, that kind of thing, not trying to get stuck in!
  • Rough handling. I do not enjoy clumsy tweaking, prodding and poking before I am  ready to get the party started!

What turns you off in the bedroom?

Episode 97: Messy Miss Hap! — January 11, 2015

Episode 97: Messy Miss Hap!

My daughter’s room is disgraceful

There are clothes all over the floor

Her school bags are chucked in a corner

And you can’t even open the door!

Her linen is rumpled and crumpled

And piled in a heap on the bed

The poor old goldfish neglected

If it wasn’t for me it’d be dead!

Her keyboard stands right in the centre

It’s lead still plugged into the wall

The bin’s overflowing with rubbish

This mess just won’t do at all.

Well it’s time that she got it all tidied

I’m sick of having to moan…

And nag her to clean up her bedroom

Or I’ll confiscate her iPhone!

The threat worked, and the room is tidy……for now!

Episode 81: Christmas Clearout! — December 20, 2014

Episode 81: Christmas Clearout!

Today I wanted to give the house a thorough tidying up in order to make way for more stuff that comes with Christmas! We managed to get a head start last night by doing the mountain of ironing that had accumulated during the week so that was one less chore for this morning!

I decided that Mr Grump could do downstairs and I would tackle the upstairs. On opening the door to Miss Hap’s room, I recoiled at the sight that greeted me. School uniform draped over her chair, as it’s obviously too far to walk to the washing bin in the bathroom! Pillows flung around the bed (she is one restless sleeper), duvet on the floor!  There were a couple of reading books in the bed along with four annuals (that child does love an annual, anything from ‘The Beano’ to ‘Top Gear’). Along with the books were an assortment of sequins and pins from the latest ‘Sequin Art’ she is creating.

Miss Hap uses her double bed as a kind of den, where she does her homework, (the laptop was also on the bed), projects, drawing and reading, so it holds a  cornucopia of  crap that gets left there until the next time she uses it. The sequins and pins have also found their way onto the floor along with bits of scrap paper, a few items of clothing, and the odd hair bobble! Her drawers were half open with stuff poking out of the top, and there was stuff sticking out from under the bed, where it had been shoved out of sight!

I was going to leave it for her to do, as she is now old enough to be keeping her room tidy at least. For some reason, she does not see why a room should be tidied when it will only get messed up again, and she cannot see the logic in keeping it tidy in the first place so it doesn’t get messy. Against my better judgement I decided to clean it up and I gingerly entered the fray armed with my weapons of giant rubbish bag, and duster, Luckily as I had just finished tidying Mr Grump offered to vacuum as that is my least favourite task, and I was already starting to get in a mood due to the fact it took me ages to put everything away and get the room looking nice.

I went off to tackle the rest of my jobs upstairs, and was just scrubbing out the sink in the bathroom when Mr Grump blundered in with the vacuum cleaner, stubbing my toe with the attachment as he barged about haphazardly. As I have a very painful ingrown toenail I let loose a couple of choice expletives at him. As Miss Hap was not there to hear them and repeat them at inappropriate times (like in front of my Mum, or out in the middle of town) I had an extensive range to choose from, and I decided that I would run the gamut and use the lot before stomping off downstairs (well, hobbling actually)!

After a (cold) half cup of tea, and a bit of a sit-down, my toe stopped throbbing and we both finished off the chores we wanted to do so that the house was spick and span. I even got out my fancy Christmas plates and dishes (which caused more work as they were a bit grimy from having been put away for a year, and had to have a good wash) and nibbles have been set out early.(I don’t want to be left with loads of food knocking about, so don’t see the point in waiting until Christmas Day before anyone is allowed to touch anything)! Shame those dry roasted peanuts are so tempting that I can’t resist tucking in every time I go near the table!

Anyway, for now, the work is done…. Miss Hap’s room has everything packed away nicely which is just as well, really as come Christmas Day, there will no doubt be lots of  lovely new things that we need to find a home for!!

Marsha Ingrao Always Write

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