Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 85: Missing Molly…. — December 27, 2014

Episode 85: Missing Molly….

I can’t believe how quickly Christmas flew by. This year, it was just a small affair with me, Mr Grump and Miss Hap. We had a wonderful day though which began at 5.30 with an excited little girl coming to wake me up. It continued with lots to eat, lots to drink (Mr Grump was well away) and some board games to argue about!  (I won the LOGO game fair and square)!

Anyway, today it was back to work, and I was on  a late shift which I very rarely do. I don’t like going in halfway through, as it puts me out of kilter. No need to have worried though, it was the usual busy madness but with hordes of relatives thrown into the mix! Normally  when I have been off for a couple of days, I come back and everything is still the same as most of our patients are usually there for some while.

However, this time I only knew one of the patients as four had been discharged over Christmas and sadly, one lady had passed away only yesterday. I was particularly upset over this, as I did not expect it at all, In fact, I had told my daughter that she could come into the ward this evening when they picked me up and I would introduce her to ‘Molly’. She was a 94-year-old woman who was as bright as a button She had a fantastic memory, as I was there when she very first came onto the ward, and I told her my name as I introduced myself. She remembered it next morning plus all the other staff members’ names that she came into contact with.

She had a number of medical problems but was always bright and cheerful and loved a good chat. Her brain was sharp and she liked a laugh and joke. She knew little snippets about the nurses’ lives and would often ask us how our children were, or what decorations we had put up for Christmas; all sorts of things really ,just taking an interest in us. She would very often say,

“Give us a kiss” out of the blue, which we always did, or we gave her a hug, She was just a very warm and affectionate lady, who sadly had never had children of her own, due to a very bad miscarriage, as she told us. She did however, have nephews and nieces that came to visit her, who thought the world of her.

We do see many patients, and although we treat everybody the same, there are some that just stick in your mind for one reason or another. Sadly, due to the nature of our ward and the age of our patients, some of them pass away, which is always hard. However, for me, I am not only upset that Molly died yesterday, but also that I didn’t get to say goodbye to her. I had received a text from my daughter asking about meeting Molly which I saw at break time. I decided to tell her that Molly had ‘gone home’. I would like to think, that in some way she has gone home to be with her dear husband that had passed some years ago, and maybe even meet the child she had lost. I hope so.

Episode 84: ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…My Version. — December 23, 2014

Episode 84: ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…My Version.

Stephanie from ‘Once Upon your Prime ‘ did a fantastic spoof on ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas’ which you can read here. I was so impressed with her version, and I wanted to have a go at this myself. Every year I have to read it every night in December to my daughter. we take it in turns to read a verse out each, and we both love it. I have not gone with a theme as Stephanie has, just given it a bit of jiggery-pokery here and there to give my take on it!!   Hope you enjoy…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, with presents to wrap

The turkey still thawing, no time for a nap!

The stocking was dragged out from last year

We’re hoping and praying St Nick will appear!

Miss Hap was all nestled snugly in bed

With iPhones and Converses going around in her head

Mr Grump, me and Roxy at last went to bed

To get ourselves rested for the big day ahead!

When out on the square there arose such a row

I awoke to see what was happening now!

I looked out the window and saw a large crowd

“Bugger off home!”. I shouted out loud.

The moon was hidden by a cloudy grey sky

But I thought I saw something out the corner of me eye.

Eight lively reindeer so happy and bright

Were guiding a sleigh through the darkness of night.

With a little old driver so chubby and cute

Who appeared to be wearing a red and white suit!

His reindeer were racing enjoying the game

He wanted attention so called them by name.

Now Dasher, now Dancer now Prancer and Vixen

On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen

Head for the roof! Head for the trees!

Now hurry up, hurry up, hurry up please!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

Are swirling around in the wintery sky

This little old man with his sleigh full of toys

Was ready to reward the good girls and boys.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof

The clanking and banging of their bloody great hooves!

The next thing I knew, I heard a loud ‘BOOM’

And St Nicholas had landed in my front room!

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his toes

And I couldn’t help smiling at his odd-looking clothes

He had a large sack that was filled to the top

He looked like a man who had just robbed a shop!

His eyes how they twinkled in spite of his years

His nose was all rosy – and so were his ears!

His mouth was formed into a huge cheesy grin

He appeared as if he’d been hitting the gin!

The butt off a cig was clenched in his lips

And his belt was a little sung round his hips.

The size of his tummy was really quite shocking

And it swayed side to side as if it were rocking!

He was jolly and plump a right happy old thing

And I was excited to see what gift he would bring

He looked at his sack and gave me a smile

And added a parcel to Miss Hap’s huge pile!

He spoke not a word but kept filling her stocking

Then gave me a look that was kind of mocking

And then in an instant he was no longer there

He appeared to have vanished into the night air.

He sprang to his sleigh as night became dawn

And then he was off. It was now Christmas Morn

But I heard him call out as he opened a beer

“Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year!”

Episode 83: Spare a Thought for Our Elderly….. — December 22, 2014

Episode 83: Spare a Thought for Our Elderly…..

As Christmas Day approaches, we are doing our best at work to try to get as many patients home as possible. After all, nobody want to send Christmas in hospital if they can help it…..

Sadly some of the elderly patients we have in our ward at the moment will probably have a better time in hospital than if they were at home. After all, in hospital they have got people around them that they can talk to any time of the day or night,  Even if they don’t feel like talking, there is the security of knowing that somebody is there, looking out for them.

Last year I worked on Christmas Day, and it was quite a moving experience. All of the patients were given a present of some toiletries which were all nicely wrapped. Unfortunately many of them come into hospital without  any at all, and have no visitors to bring them in either. Although we do have some basic bars of soap and toothpaste etc, the ones they get as presents are much nicer.

The ones that could eat it were given a full English breakfast, and once we had got them looking and smelling lovely with their new toiletries the Ward Sister gathered all of the staff together so that we could go around each Bay and side room to sing Christmas Carols for them all. To me, this was the most moving thing of all. Many of our patients knew the words and sang along with us, as did some of the relatives that were there.

Many of them were crying, probably remembering Christmases past when they were celebrating with their own families One of our young Spanish Nurses was crying as this was the first Christmas she had spent away from her family, and I think by the end of it nearly all of us were crying! It was a very humbling experience.

After this the hot drinks trolley came around with a mince pie for whoever wanted one, and of course they were given a traditional Christmas dinner with all the trimmings plus Christmas pud for afters. We also pulled Christmas crackers with them, read out the corny jokes and gave them their little paper hats to wear!  As the Ward is mainly for elderly patients, many of them didn’t eat much, or weren’t able to pull their own crackers, but just the fact that they did not miss out on a traditional Christmas  just because they were in hospital meant a lot to them. In fact  for some of them, had they been at home it would have been just another lonely day

Episode 82: Counting Blessings…. — December 21, 2014

Episode 82: Counting Blessings….

Sometimes coming from a large family can have its drawbacks. Having 5 brothers and sisters as well as 10 nephews and nieces means that it is very rare that we are all in the same place at the same time, especially when one of my brothers lives in Malaysia. The children are all getting older now (Miss Hap is the youngest at 11 years old), and have lives of their own, but although we have had some squabbles, and fallings out, we are generally there when it matters.

Today it was lovely to see my sister-in-law, who I have known since I was 11 years old. She is only a couple of years older than me but had a major health scare this year after being diagnosed with bowel cancer. Luckily for her, it was spotted reasonably early, and although she had to go through major surgery, she is now on the road to recovery. She is the type of person who loves to laugh, and is always a pleasure to be around. Even when I visited her in hospital after she had surgery, i was astounded to see her sitting up, bright and breezy chatting with a friend. When I went to say goodbye, I leaned over the bed to give her a kiss (not something I normally do, I am not much of a ‘kissy’ person) and being short, couldn’t reach over the bed rails. so put my hand on the bed to get some leverage only to find it was her tummy! Even though it must have hurt, she laughed at my stupidity,so as not to make me feel bad!

Her three children (well two of them are adults) were very concerned about her, and were brilliant at looking after her, visiting and going to the numerous appointments she had to attend, before and after surgery.They are a credit to her and my brother, and the way they brought them up.

My older sister has just had my daughter staying  for the weekend, taking her Christmas shopping, and spending time with her. She is very thoughtful in that way; whenever the circus or a fair comes by, she always takes her. The same goes for the Pantomime. I remember the one a couple of years ago I went to with them, it was hilarious. We shouted out more than the kids did!

My middle brother is like Peter Pan, in the fact that he looks so young for his age, He loves his smart suits and designer clothes, and is a bit of a fitness fanatic. I remember when I wanted to join the Army, I had to do a basic fitness test in order to get in, but as I hated running would need to get a fair bit of practice in if I had any hope of running a mile in the time specified. My brother not only came with me to the Army Careers Centre when I was first interested in joining  (but too young at 16) but when I did get past the interview and had to pass this fitness test, he came out jogging with me, giving me advice and tips so that I passed when I came to do it.

Two of my nieces (one from each sister) I am very close to, and to me, they are both like my own daughters. The elder one although married and in her 30’s now I still call by the nickname I gave her when she was little (sometimes even on Facebook)! I was 15 years old when she was born and having always loved children used to get up with her at night sometimes and give her bottle. I remember when she was a baby and had this HUGE pram. My mum and sister had gone to town with her but had to walk as the pram was too big to go on the bus. When I finished school it was near town so I would walk in to get my bus from there.. However, on occasion my Mum and sister, having trotted around for a while and had become tired, would get me to walk the pram home whilst they caught the bus!  In those days (early 80’s) I got rather a lot of dirty looks pushing a pram whilst in my school uniform!

My other niece who is now in her late 20’s was a little terror as a young child! She has long blonde hair and blue eyes and looks like a little angel, but can be a little bugger! Her eyes would flash and you knew she was going to do something naughty but not what it was! I remember taking her out when she was about two. She was on her reins but would keep spinning round on them trying to break loose! Anyway, this day we were in town, and she decided to try out a new expression she had learned at the top of her voice,

“F***ing Hell!”she yelled. People glared at us so she said it again. I couldn’t believe it, where the hell had she heard that and why wait till now to try it out? Anyway I told her off and said I would tell her Mum as I was mortified that people would think she was mine (bizarrely when she was very young she did look very much like me)!

Me and my younger sister used to fight like cat and dog when we were little! We could not go anywhere without having a scrap, and I always came off worse as I was so timid! However now we are pretty close. We phone each other most days for a rant, moan or just a chat, and it is really nice.. She only lives down the road as well so from time to time we go down there and have a riotous evening playing silly games and getting out the karaoke.

My other two brothers I don’t get to see much, but the one in Malaysia is pretty handy at DIY, and has helped me out many a time, when he has come over to the UK as he likes to keep himself busy! The other brother lives a couple of hundred miles away in the same town as where my Dad lived, but he comes to major family events, and he very often puts up family members when they want to go down that way as it has a beautiful beach there.

Lastly, there is my Mum. She can be a bit of a cantankerous old thing, and feels that at her age, she has every right to be (it can be a bit hurtful at times though)! However, she has helped every one of us kids out at some point and I think she does mean well, even if she doesn’t always show it!

That is the majority of my family; although we all have our different personalities and lifestyles, we do share a few things in common, a great sense of humour and a big appetite (Thanks to my Dad), There are times when they get on my nerves, as I am sure I do theirs, but I am lucky to have them all.

Episode 81: Christmas Clearout! — December 20, 2014

Episode 81: Christmas Clearout!

Today I wanted to give the house a thorough tidying up in order to make way for more stuff that comes with Christmas! We managed to get a head start last night by doing the mountain of ironing that had accumulated during the week so that was one less chore for this morning!

I decided that Mr Grump could do downstairs and I would tackle the upstairs. On opening the door to Miss Hap’s room, I recoiled at the sight that greeted me. School uniform draped over her chair, as it’s obviously too far to walk to the washing bin in the bathroom! Pillows flung around the bed (she is one restless sleeper), duvet on the floor!  There were a couple of reading books in the bed along with four annuals (that child does love an annual, anything from ‘The Beano’ to ‘Top Gear’). Along with the books were an assortment of sequins and pins from the latest ‘Sequin Art’ she is creating.

Miss Hap uses her double bed as a kind of den, where she does her homework, (the laptop was also on the bed), projects, drawing and reading, so it holds a  cornucopia of  crap that gets left there until the next time she uses it. The sequins and pins have also found their way onto the floor along with bits of scrap paper, a few items of clothing, and the odd hair bobble! Her drawers were half open with stuff poking out of the top, and there was stuff sticking out from under the bed, where it had been shoved out of sight!

I was going to leave it for her to do, as she is now old enough to be keeping her room tidy at least. For some reason, she does not see why a room should be tidied when it will only get messed up again, and she cannot see the logic in keeping it tidy in the first place so it doesn’t get messy. Against my better judgement I decided to clean it up and I gingerly entered the fray armed with my weapons of giant rubbish bag, and duster, Luckily as I had just finished tidying Mr Grump offered to vacuum as that is my least favourite task, and I was already starting to get in a mood due to the fact it took me ages to put everything away and get the room looking nice.

I went off to tackle the rest of my jobs upstairs, and was just scrubbing out the sink in the bathroom when Mr Grump blundered in with the vacuum cleaner, stubbing my toe with the attachment as he barged about haphazardly. As I have a very painful ingrown toenail I let loose a couple of choice expletives at him. As Miss Hap was not there to hear them and repeat them at inappropriate times (like in front of my Mum, or out in the middle of town) I had an extensive range to choose from, and I decided that I would run the gamut and use the lot before stomping off downstairs (well, hobbling actually)!

After a (cold) half cup of tea, and a bit of a sit-down, my toe stopped throbbing and we both finished off the chores we wanted to do so that the house was spick and span. I even got out my fancy Christmas plates and dishes (which caused more work as they were a bit grimy from having been put away for a year, and had to have a good wash) and nibbles have been set out early.(I don’t want to be left with loads of food knocking about, so don’t see the point in waiting until Christmas Day before anyone is allowed to touch anything)! Shame those dry roasted peanuts are so tempting that I can’t resist tucking in every time I go near the table!

Anyway, for now, the work is done…. Miss Hap’s room has everything packed away nicely which is just as well, really as come Christmas Day, there will no doubt be lots of  lovely new things that we need to find a home for!!

Episode 80: Christmas Stuffing! — December 19, 2014

Episode 80: Christmas Stuffing!

Ahhh, work has finished for a couple of days, and it’s time to relax before the madness and mayhem of Christmas sets in. Miss Hap is off spending the weekend with my older sister so me and Mr Grump can potter about, doing the last-minute jobs; buying and wrapping the last of the presents, and generally getting things done – without a little someone prodding the presents that are under the tree so far, or nosing about trying to find where we have stashed the rest of the goodies!

It always amazes me how much preparation and planning goes into getting everything ‘right’ for the big day!  As Christmas draws closer so the supermarkets are heaving with people buying everything in sight!  I get it that there are certain things (like the turkey for instance) that people want to make sure they get, just in case they run out, but why on earth do they need to buy triple the amount of groceries. Unless there is a special offer on, I see no reason to buy 50 toilet rolls unless you are either expecting a very upset tummy or the Waltons to come round with the ‘squits’!

I come from a large family myself, and have been guilty in the past of going mental on the biscuits for cheese! Who the hell needs two family sized boxes?! I love cheese to go with them as well of course, so will buy a nice selection, plus I have always got one or two varieties in the fridge anyway. Come New Year I am left with stale biscuits and odds and ends of cheese that no-one wants (I always give the Stilton away anyway).

The freezers are stacked full of bread, milk and other essentials for the holiday period, not to mention bits and pieces to use for a buffet. The fridge is always jammed with cream, brandy butter, an assortment of cooked meats, plus God knows how many pickles and condiments, (Oh and not forgetting the cheese of course) There is also the trifle that will be made in time for Christmas day which no-one can manage as they are stuffed full  to overflowing already!

Add to all this the chocolates, biscuits, sweets, nuts and fruit that are set out on fancy festive dishes to tempt any guests you might have popping in, with bottles pop or wine, crates of beer, and whatever other booze takes your fancy to accompany it, there is little chance of anyone starving, but every chance of being sick of the sight of food.

You will be left with the hard toffees in the bottom of the tin kicking around for weeks until they get chucked, flat cherryade, that has dribbled out of the bottle and left a fluorescent stain in its wake, and a few elderly walnuts that have been rejected as being too hard to crack! The pickles and condiments that have hardly been used will get shifted around the fridge until they go out of date in June or something!

Yes we all go a bit mad at Christmas as everyone wants to make sure their family has plenty to eat and drink, but we seem to forget one thing, there is only so much a human can actually physically consume in a few days!

Episode 79: Bull In A China Shop……. — December 18, 2014

Episode 79: Bull In A China Shop…….

It can be quite an expense being clumsy, not to mention time-consuming! The fact that both me and Miss Hap are a little on the heavy-handed side, plus objects have a habit of slipping through our fingers, means that we quite often have to replace the odd item or two…..

I love sparkling water with lots of ice, so am very often in the freezer getting ice cubes from the special little trays, that churn out the cubes with a flick of a wrist. Only this time I twirled the knob and heard a ‘clonk’ , the tray didn’t move as a bit had snapped off the end and the spring, sprang off! Bugger! Who broke that? I’m sure it wasn’t me, I bet Miss Hap has been at it and twisted the knob the wrong way (She might as well be blamed, I break enough stuff as it is)! Anyway, it meant that I yelled for Mr Grump to come and fix it with his trusty toolbox. He tutted and moaned but got out the glue and stuck the bit back on.

That was yesterday, so today after a bit of a  stressful day at work I came home hot and bothered and went to get my favourite drink. Twist, clonk, boiiiing! You guessed it, the damn thing broke again and the spring pinged off! Well now I will have to order a replacement tray (yes I know I can buy a bag of ice to put in the freezer, but I LIKE my little ice-cube trays).Luckily, the good old internet found what I needed and a new one will be winging its way to us soon.

I am very good at finding spare parts for things, as In the past I have pulled the handle off not one but TWO washing machine doors and have had to order new ones. (They don’t make things that are built to last these days)! I have taken a chunk out of one of the freezer drawers, and snapped a part off the vacuum cleaner which holds the vital parts together, to name but a few things,

We have got through loads of glasses, and my favourite dinner service has only 2 dinner plates left and 3 side plates, the rest has been smashed (mind you I did have it for years),. I now do not buy expensive crockery as it will not last long. I do actually have some lovely crystal wine glasses,that were a present, but they rarely come out as I can’t be trusted with them. Shame really as they are sitting gathering dust instead of being enjoyed!

I am pretty rubbish with chargers as well for phones and tabs etc. I tend to stretch them and pull the wires out, so Mr Grump has to get me new ones. Miss Hap loves to break headphones; little ones that fit into the ear, large ones that look like something that should be worn on an artillery range, she has broken them all! She has one of those keyboards that she loves to play, but it is missing a key!  She had one of her phones for a week before she dropped it and cracked the glass,despite us buying her a case for it!

Mr Grump regularly goes out to get me yet another mouse for my laptop ( I don’t like that little pad thing) as they are not sturdy enough to put up with the treatment they receive at my gentle and delicate hands!  Luckily Mr Grump himself is still in one piece despite being married to me!

Episode 78: Raising A Smile — December 17, 2014

Episode 78: Raising A Smile

Today I am feeling so tired

I can’t be bothered to blog

Although I love to keep posting

Sometimes it’s a bit of a slog!

I know there’s no need to write daily

I can give my poor brain a rest

But I find that when I’m writing

I don’t feel half as depressed!

It’s fun to tell all my stories

About the everyday stuff

A smile can make things seem better

Even if times have been tough!

I am not proficient at crafting

And have not travelled thousands of miles

But I hope that my blog is amusing

And my stories can make you all smile!

Episode 77: Another Little Bit of Dirt Never Killed Anybody… — December 16, 2014

Episode 77: Another Little Bit of Dirt Never Killed Anybody…

Further the post I wrote in Episode 64, my younger sister reminded me of a story that I had forgotten to include, and although it is pretty stomach-churning, it did make me laugh so here it is….

Mum had made a corned-beef hash, which although we didn’t have very often we were looking forward to. Anyway she had left it to cool off on the worktop for a little while. As she was about to dish up she suddenly screeched,

“Where’s me teeth”? She had this little plastic plate with 4 or 5 false teeth on which she used to take out now and again when they started to chafe, and they would sit on the table or window sill, wrapped in a tissue until she needed them to eat! My sister and I searched the kitchen without success, We couldn’t understand where they had gone As a last resort we decided to check the corned-beef hash, as it was not unusual for a bit of fag ash to land up in the food so why not a denture!

As it happened, the teeth were not in the hash, but the obligatory ants were! Yes, they had found their way into the hash that had been left uncovered, and had dived on in! Yuk! That was yet another meal that had no takers, fussy as we all were! Oh, and Mum’s teeth turned up in the kitchen rubbish bin! As a last resort we went through it, and there they were in a soggy filthy tissue, buried beneath tea bags, potato peelings and other assorted nasties. Mum was thrilled, a quick rinse under the tap, and she popped them back into place!

My nephew when he was young, also shared my mum’s casual attitude to dirt and used to love grubbing about in the mud as most kids do, However he liked to pick up slugs and worms as I think he liked their slimy feel. He wanted to share his treasures with the rest of us and would very often come up with us, hand outstretched grasping a writhing creature and say,

” Lug!”  he hadn’t mastered how to pronounce his S’s yet, bless him. Myself and my sisters would recoil when he brought the slugs to us for inspection, and would try to swallow the scream, force a smile and tell him how lovely it was. He would amuse himself for some time playing in the dirt, making mud pies, and decorating them with the slugs and worms, singing away happily.

After a while he came up to us again

“Lug!” Only this time there was only a little bit of slug in this podgy little hand; not only that but he looked a bit mucky around the mouth. Yep, he had decided to taste his mud pies, but must have found them rather filling as he couldn’t manage a whole slug! It’s nice to know he has inherited the strong family constitution!

Episode 76: An Unexpected Treat! — December 15, 2014

Episode 76: An Unexpected Treat!

Miss Hap came home from her Nanny’s yesterday afternoon after spending the night there, and informed me that she HAD to make some cupcakes that very evening. I asked what the urgency was and she told me that her class had actually made them in school last week and as she had forgotten her ingredients she was unable to participate, but she needed to make them, and take a picture in order for her to be able to complete her course work.

I was quite cross as she had told me she was making cup cakes THIS week! We even had all  the ingredients ready for once as well! Honestly, that girl is more scatter-brained than I am and that is saying something! (I had to go to a training course one day whilst I was on annual leave, and turned up a day early to be greeted with a dark and locked training room)! .

Anyway, although we did have the ingredients, we had no cupcake cases. Mr Grump was already out so I phoned him to pick some up, which he was delighted about, and meanwhile, I got out the bits and pieces needed to make the cakes. My daughter was to make these all by herself with NO help from me whatsoever! Now, I have mentioned before in Episode 70 that I am concerned about letting Miss Hap loose on certain things like certain chores and cooking, due to her tendency to be a little bit accident prone, and I was worried about things getting broken or her getting burnt! However,she is 11 now, my little sister lets her do it, fellow bloggers have advised me that she is old enough to do it, and school insists that she does do it, I have to curb the control instinct and let her get on with it!

Luckily for me, the cupcakes were made using the all-in-one method, so it didn’t matter that she is (like me) heavy-handed! She carefully and meticulously weighed out her ingredients a few grams at a time until she had the exact amount, and the finished mixture had a lovely consistency, in no time at all. We had the cases now so she arranged them in the baking tin, ensuring that she used all of the coloured cases. The mix was enough for six cakes so she doled it out equally, and made a good job of it.

I made her check the cakes to see that they were ready and she prodded the top to ensure that they were. I was roped in to help make the butter cream icing once she weighed out the ingredients and I said I would start her off. Of course I made a hell of a mess; the icing sugar went everywhere as I tried to beat it in. Anyway, Miss Hap wanted to decorate the cakes which I was happy for her to do.

The end results looked  so lovely I had to have one. I was impressed, she is obviously much more capable than I give her credit for.

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