Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 153: Sub Standard Breakfast! — February 9, 2015

Episode 153: Sub Standard Breakfast!

Mr Grump is in the doghouse today! Usually. he is not a very big eater; in fact,  he is one of those annoying people who rarely feels hungry. On more than one occasion he has come home from work in the afternoon with all of his lunch left, as he didn’t get time to eat it! He rarely eats breakfast either; totally opposite of me…..

This morning I had an appointment at my doctor’s surgery to get a blood test. The appointment was for 9am and I had  to have fasted from 10pm the night before, with the exception of being able to drink water. This was to test my blood glucose levels again as they want to be sure  of a diabetes diagnosis.

With Miss Hap off to school, Mr Grump and I set off for the 30 minute walk. It was freezing this morning, dank and dreary, a stark contrast from the lovely walk yesterday, but needs must and I hardly complained at all that I was hungry and thirsty throughout the journey.

After being in there for 2 minutes, it was time to walk back home. Mr Grump had got some Subway vouchers which he had brought with him and suggested we stop off there on he way back for some breakfast. I was not going to argue about that as I was rather peckish, plus we rarely eat there so it would make a change. (Actually having take-away food twice in one week is unheard of for us).

So I quickened my pace. and in no time we arrived, I flicked through the vouchers and saw that we had a good deal on 2 breakfast subs. Sounded good to me so I ordered that. I watched him as he got out a nice long sub…..then cut it in half! My face fell as I realised that the offer was for  6 inch subs not the foot long one, Oh well, never mind. I will eat Mr Grump’s as he won’t want it.

Oh but he did, He never has breakfast, is not even bothered about lunch, but today as I put the tray down on the table, he snatched up one of the subs and started tucking in! Not a thought for poor old me that had only had half a glass of water for breakfast, before a 30 minute hike, with no sustenance inside me to keep me warm (forget the fact that I am pretty well-padded, having more of a voluptuous figure)!

As we walked home, clutching our take-away coffees, I asked him if he was particularly hungry this morning,

“No, you could have had mine”. Well, how selfish can you get? He wasn’t even hungry but he still ate it, even though I needed it!

Episode 152: Disco Boy Dance Off. — February 8, 2015

Episode 152: Disco Boy Dance Off.

Oh I am so disappointed! I missed out an a prank carried out not too far away from where I live,  which is right up my street!

A local man decided to liven up a cold and dreary Saturday by turning up at his local Supermarket wearing nothing but a pair of rather unflattering purple shorts and one of those fleecy hats with the ear flaps.

The reason for his visit? He wanted to get the shoppers dancing, He had  trundled in a large sound system with a miniature disco ball which projected coloured lights, and set himself up in one of the aisles.

He was just drawing a bit of a crowd with UB40 and Paco Banton blaring out ‘Baby Come Back’ to get them warmed up when a grumpy looking Security Guard approached him.

Undeterred, he whipped out his microphone and asked to be left alone to get on with the show. This was not going to happen, he was asked to leave the store. Despite his protestations, to leave his stuff alone, the Security Guard was getting ready to manhandle ‘DiscoBoy (as he likes to be known) and his gear out.

Defeated, DiscoBoy left the building, and it was back to business as usual. What a shame. He didn’t even get to show off his dance moves!

I think they should have left him alone for a while to cheer people up…what about you?

Disco Boy in action

Episode 151: A Wintry Walk… —

Episode 151: A Wintry Walk…

There’s nothing like a nice brisk walk on a chilly, but dry Sunday morning, especially when you have no choice!

I have still not got my car back (apparently I should get it tomorrow) from the ‘mad professor, so am not in a very good mood; particularly as I forked out a small fortune to get to work yesterday. In our wisdom, myself and Mr Grump decided that we only needed one car between us as he has the use of the work van during the week, and as I only work part-time, my car will be there most of the time anyway for when he is not. In a nutshell, it means we are vehicle less at the moment!

Anyway. we needed some shopping so decided to do the Supermarket walk again. After all, it is a nice walk, and there are not many busses running on a Sunday even if we knew which one to catch, Miss Hap decided that she was going to see Nanny for her Sunday roast (we have one too but Nan’s is better of course) so it would just be the two of us going,

We wrapped up against the cold and set off, blister plasters in place where I had rubbed my heel raw two days earlier on another walk. Actually I need the exercise and the fresh air (I have been a bit of a hermit lately apart from going to work).

Last week, when we did it, Miss Hap was zigzagging in front of me as we walked, so I spent a lot of time trying not to trip over her, and it seemed to take ages to get there. I hadn’t been in the Supermarket 10 minutes before I had a bit of a ‘funny turn’ and came over all hot and shaky. Luckily there is a cafe there, much to my daughter’s delight so after a bit of sustenance I felt as good as new. Typically for me, food sorted me out!

About halfway through the journey there is a business park where we cut through, which is home to a couple of hotels, the cinema, and a load of fast food places and restaurants. This made me realise that I hadn’t had breakfast, and Mr Grump not wanting a repeat performance of last week insisted that we get something to eat. What a bonus. That perked up the ‘healthy’ walk for me no end.

The walk back was very pleasant as well. We didn’t weigh ourselves down with too many bags this time, and I enjoyed being out, surrounded by trees and leaves,  A lonely little squirrel was running around from tree to tree and I thought it would be great to get a photo of him. Needless to say by the time I fumbled about, it had gone. I did manage to get a picture of him eventually though.

It has been a pain not having my car, but at least it has meant that I have noticed more of my actual surroundings, and have appreciated it….It really is the simple things that bring a lot of pleasure.

Squirrel

Episode 150: Daffodils Can Make You Ill!!! — February 7, 2015

Episode 150: Daffodils Can Make You Ill!!!

What’s the difference between a daffodil and an onion? No I haven’t gone off my rocker (Well, no more than usual) but apparently there are some people who do not know the difference. It has been taken so seriously that Public Health England (PHE) have become involved.

This story actually made it on to the BBC news this morning, It is beyond belief that Supermarkets have been advised to stop displaying daffodils near to the vegetable section. Apparently, some poor souls  mistake the bulbs for onions and have become poorly after eating them! The leaves too have been munched as they resemble a type of Chinese vegetable.

Daffodil consumption can cause diarrhoea, vomiting and a sore throat as they are poisonous when eaten, The effects can last up to 24 hours as well!

Maybe they just need to put a giant health warning on them or an advisory, You know, like they do with take-away coffees (caution may be hot). I should bloody well hope so, or I’m taking it back!

Anyone got any suggestions of how we can stop this dreadful mix-up from happening?

Episode 149: Love On The Dancefloor….. —

Episode 149: Love On The Dancefloor…..

Ahhh young love; most of us can remember our first crush, the butterflies when seeing them, the giggling with our friends  and the scraps of paper passed back and forth with little love messages on them…..and then the first kiss.

When I was about a young teen, I remember going to the local youth club with my older brother and younger sister. There used to be a disco with a DJ (who became a bit of a celebrity in the county before later before falling from grace) once a week which we used to love.

I remember on one occasion, some of my brothers’ friends using their catapults with creme eggs as missiles to shoot out the lights in the ceiling (God knows why, but you don’t question this kind of behaviour as a kid as you think it is funny)! Once the lights were down (literally) the dancing could begin!

The era was the late 1970s. The music was extremely varied and many of the sings had their own dances associated with them. Now I have always had 2 left feet, but everyone used to get up on the dance floor so of course I joined in….

Who could resist the clomping about to Status Quo? There were two rows of people on opposite sides facing each other, and as far as I can remember, you would lean forward lifting the back leg then lean back lifting the front leg then somehow, with a clomp and a twirl, you had swapped places with the person opposite you (assuming you had got the moves right and had not bashed into each other)!

Does anyone remember the dance that was done to Mud’s Tiger feet, and a few other songs as well? You know the one, hands on hips elbows out, then lean in twice with the left elbow, lean back twice, then forward with the right elbow, and so on. This was taken so seriously. My God, if you dared walk past someone at the wrong moment you were in danger of getting your eye blacked with a bony elbow!

My favourite was Boney M’s  ‘Brown Girl In The Ring’. This involved a bit of fancy footwork, a twirl and a clap! Now my coordination is pretty rubbish but I loved having a go at this one, especially if I managed to get through the record without messing up my moves!

Anyway,  back to the first crush. At the end of the evening the lights the DJ would always put a couple of slow numbers on so that gave boys the opportunity to ask a girl to dance with them (NEVER the other way around, we were ladies after all)! The girls would all be standing about nonchalantly chatting whilst desperately hoping they would get approached. I had my eye on a boy with the nickname of ‘ Bruiser’! (God knows why, he was pretty short and skinny, maybe he was the one that bruised easily rather than bruised others)!

Well one night, my luck was finally in and I got asked to dance by the boy of my dreams, I was so thrilled as we clumsily shuffled about to ‘Emotion’ by Samantha Sang. it was the best disco ever!

Just before the slow dances finished he asked me if I would like to go outside as there was a park right next to the hall. I grabbed his hand and off we went, Off course it was pretty dark by now. and I had not seen a piece of black fencing on the ground, you guessed it, I went flat on my face (well knee actually)! He helped me up, and I ignored the pain as I hobbled over to the swings with him, blood trickling down my leg.

That was the night I had my first kiss…. my knee was throbbing, bloody and muddy, and the kiss was rather wet and slobbery!

I was in heaven!

Episode 148: Family Night….. — February 6, 2015

Episode 148: Family Night…..

The weekend is upon us. The time for families to spend quality time together enjoying each other’s company….not in our house!

We all started off sitting together in the front room having dinner, then Miss Hap got a call afterwards from a school friend, She decided that they needed to ‘face time’ each other as talking is obviously not enough (neither is the fact that she was just with her at school a few hours previously) and she clomped off upstairs to get some privacy!

I remember those days when younger and my friends would phone on the weekend. My Mum and step-dad would moan loudly about ‘bloody kids’ phoning up when we only saw them 5 minutes ago. We didn’t have the luxury of a cordless phone and the cable wasn’t that long either. That normally meant sitting in the front room trying to talk to your friend whilst getting withering glances from the others as you were disturbing their TV viewing pleasure!

Privacy was not an option. If you were lucky, you might be able to yank the phone out to the hall and sit on the stairs for 5 minutes, before being yelled at to ‘get off the bloody phone’ – even if your friend called you! Those were the days!

Mt Grump has plonked himself in front of the (blaring) TV  with a few beers, to watch the Rugby. It is England V Wales, and is being played in his home town of Cardiff. The rest of the family are English, and he has been getting a few texts from them commiserating over Wales’ inevitable trouncing by England even though it hasn’t started yet! In fact we are being treated to a light show of dizzying brilliance.

I am sat at my laptop trying to block out the bloody racket coming from the TV. My headphones have blocked out about 50% of it, but no doubt I will still hear the shouts if Wales score, or the swearing if England do!

Good old technology. where would we be with out it?…..Probably all sitting around playing a board game and spending quality family time together no doubt!!!

Episode 147: On Your Bike! —

Episode 147: On Your Bike!

I admire cyclists; anybody that can manage to keep themselves upright for an unlimited amount of time, whilst balancing on two (very skinny) wheels has my respect. I can actually ride one myself, but when I (rarely) venture out on my bike, I end up pushing it more than riding it, as I am a bit wobbly! Mr Grump and Miss Hap usually end up whizzing past me, leaving me behind.

Anyway, there is one particular cyclist in Britain at the moment, that has made a bit of a name (not to mention reputation) for himself. He is a bus driver for a living, but commutes to work (40 mile round trip) on his bike. The reason he is so different from the norm? He loves to report other road users to the Police if they misbehave.

This guy takes his self-imposed role very seriously indeed, and has kitted himself out with no less than 3 video cameras (wonder where he puts them all)? and a really LOUD horn (I would imagine that in itself could cause an accident if he sets it off,  making people jump and losing concentration).

He films wrong-doers abusing the Highway Code, and dobs them in to the Police. There are no second chances. If you are in the wrong lane and then cut someone up, (especially him), your card is marked; if you go the wrong way around a roundabout (God knows why you would want to), you will be reported. Oh yes, this bloke is on a mission. He will also very kindly plaster his footage all over YouTube so that your antics can be judged by other outraged road users.

He is proud of the fact that he has managed to help convict over 70 careless motorists, but like with everything there is a small price to pay, he is now dubbed ‘Britain’s Most Hated Cyclist. If that wasn’t bad enough, he is so well-known that drivers that come across him, will throw a few punches his way regardless of whether or not they have been captured on his camera for some misdemeanor,

He is not bothered though and is more determined than ever to tackle Britain’s rubbish road users and bring them to justice!

I’m bloody glad he doesn’t live near me!

Episode 146: Compelled to Complain! —

Episode 146: Compelled to Complain!

I am one of those people who doesn’t like to complain. I put up with the inconveniences of everyday life with a shrug and a sigh, resigned to shoddy service, and rude salespeople, until it comes to food that is………

Thinking about it, the only times I have felt compelled to write a letter of complaint is when it has been something to do with feeding my face! (That must tell you a lot about what kind of person I am)!  Yes, I am a glutton who enjoys her food, and gets cross when it is not up to my expectations. Now I am not overly fussy, I just like things to be as promised on the menu/packaging.

You may have seen my Ode To Cadbury’s poem yesterday. Well guess what?, I sent it to their head office to have a ponder on.They have to realise that they can’t get away with palming us off with smaller sizes. It just won’t do, and it’s just not British!

I remember once treating myself to one of those tinned steak and kidney pies (extremely unhealthy I know, but I love the pastry…and the meat…well I love the whole thing actually). Anyway, it had been quite a few years since I had one and I was soooo disappointed. There was about 2 small chunks of meat in the entire pie! The pastry tasted different as well. That was it, i got the details off the tin and fired off an e-mail to their customer services department.

I did get my point across, but In rather a jokey manner (after all it was only a pie, not a dud piece life-saving equipment or something). Surprisingly. I got a reply as well along with a couple of vouchers for the company concerned (not that I was going to get another of their pies, but I did get another product). It was then that I realised that it wasn’t this particular brand of pie that I used to love; the packaging was very similar but it was a totally different company! Ooops!

What compels you to complain?

Episode 145: Ode To Cadbury’s — February 5, 2015

Episode 145: Ode To Cadbury’s

I heard a little Wispa

There’s a rumour going about

That Cadbury’s chocolate production

Has had a little Time Out

They have moved across the water

To give their sales a Boost

But the chocolate’s taste is different

And the bar size is reduced.

The Fudge was once a ‘finger’

Is now more like a toe

The chunky Double Decker          

Has let the top deck go!

Caramel is missing a piece

Whole Nut is more like half

The Flake would now be finished

Before you even ran the bath!

Dairy Milk has dwindled

And so has Turkish Delight

 Poor Crème Egg is beaten

And Fry’s Chocolate Cream is not right!

I think you should consider

Giving back the large sized bars

To keep the customer happy

Or they’ll defect to Mars!

Episode 144: The Great Creme Egg Travesty! —

Episode 144: The Great Creme Egg Travesty!

I have got a complaint to make.  It is something that I am very cross about as well, Now I might upset a few of my American friends here,but I’m afraid it is too important an issue to ignore and it has to be said!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR CREME EGG?

Now I am not allowed much chocolate,  but one thing I am really looking forward to is a Creme Egg at Easter time, (or maybe even before, as willpower has never been my strong point), Now these delicious delicacies are not available all of the time, due to their festive design, so they are even more of a treat when I finally manage to get my hands on one.

However, my parade has been rained upon. It has come to my attention that and American company has taken over production of my favourite chocolate egg and they have ruined it!

Yes. for a start they have shrunk it! How dare they! It was only 40g to begin with and now they have lopped off another 6g. I am furious, nobody likes to be short-changed; We all know how disappointing it is when we expect something of one size, and end up getting a smaller version (don’t we ladies)?

Not only have they shrunk it but they have used a different chocolate! The pleasure of eating the Creme egg is first the cracking of the smooth chocolatey shell, then scooping out the creamy white and yolk. It all blended perfectly,so why did they have to mess with it?!

I am beyond annoyed at the liberties they have taken with my favourite confection.

Do we need to start up a petition to bring back the original Creme Egg?

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